Love & Relationship Advice: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me To Meet His Friends & Family, I Am So Confused! - Ghanacelebrities.com - Ghanacelebrities.com

Love & Relationship Advice: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me To Meet His Friends & Family, I Am So Confused!

Chris-Vincent A. Febiri
Posted on 22 Aug 2010 at 9:23am

Dear GC Readers,

My name is Ana and I’m 25 years of age old. I’ve been in a relationship with a certain guy for a year.

I haven’t met his family before but I know their names and what they do, he knows my uncle and auntie but anytime I ask when am going to meet at least his siblings he always says I should have patience.

I have seen his mum before but from a distance.  His father I have not met also but I hear his voice anytime I visit him at his home.

Anytime we are together he talks about marriage and the number of kids he would like us to have and the home he would like for us. Despite this I feel uncomfortable in the relationship since I don’t really know anybody close to him, more so he is about to travel.

I really want to know somebody close to him because I don’t know any of his friends, so I tried to find my way around and got to meet a friend of his.

My guy eventually denied being close to this friend and that he is just a friend he talks to in passing or just says hi to.  My boyfriend then said I should stop being friends with him.

Through that friend I got to meet his younger brother who seems to be a nice person but when my guy got to know that I have been speaking with his brother, he asked me to stop being friends with him too.

I love this guy but there seems to be so much question marks about him, and I want to be sure before I get hurt, but anytime I push away from him for a while he then calls and starts telling me things like, he loves me very much and that I should be patient with him and I should take my time and know him the way I am suppose to, and that he wouldn’t do anything to break my heart.

I am so confused; I don’t know what to do. I love him very much but I don’t know if I should stick with him and get to know him better as he says or just get it over and heal my heart once and for all. At this point I am more than then confused, what do I do?

Worried Girl,

Ana

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Dear Ana,

I can see why you are so confused.  Your boyfriend’s words don’t follow through with his actions. On one hand he talks about your future plans together, whilst on the other hand all the aspects of his life that would make you a part of his future are being avoided.

In his defense, there could be many reasons why he is not ready to introduce you. Reasons that he fears will ruin your relationship, such as the parents saying they are not ready to meet with you, issues of his past he feels may scare you away. Only he knows why but as he is choosing not to make reasons clear the above explanation are mere speculations or excuses.

Although actions most certainly speak louder than words, when it comes to our relationships you should really be watching what is being done as oppose to what is being said.

If your boyfriend is saying he wants to build a future with you but is not actively doing anything to make this happen, you are right to question his commitment to you long term.

It seems like you have made sincere and genuine attempts to meet his family and friends. All these things you have done to meet his family is maybe your way of seeing how he reacts and tries to bring you into his personal life with friends and family.

Whilst this stage in a relationship cannot be forced or rushed, you surely need to know where you stand. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to meet with his people but you should not push or force him to do so. It may make your boyfriend defensive or annoyed. He should be the one to say when he is ready.

Surely it will get to a stage where he can no longer avoid this union between you and his family. I’m not suggesting you sit and wait however the concern is he is going through great lengths to keep you separate. You can choose to give him time and space or choose to let him know this is not good enough for you to build a future.

Hope this helps!

Best of Luck.

Regards,

Ms. A.K  from GC XXX

Send all your relationship & Love  probs to me via tips@ghanacelebrities.com

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Chris-Vincent A. Febiri

Chris-Vincent is a Freelance Blogger/Writer, Founder and Editor of GhanaCelebrities.Com. He is a “witty” writer who wrote several award winning articles/debates during his Secondary School days at Adisadel College. To develop his writing skills, studied Communication as a major with Sociology and Law at Newham College Of Further Education, London. Currently, he holds a degree in Law (LLB), Diploma in Para Legal and, he is a postgraduate Law student majoring in International Human Rights... He is the author of the popular eBook 'Success Is A Right, Not A Privilege'. He also blogs at www.TopVincent.Com. BBM pin: 7C7331B2. Remember "absence of evidence is not evidence of absence".... Click Here To Hire Me


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  • ghallday

    Very starange indeed. There’s a big question mark over what this guy is doing to her. There has to be more to this than just “patience”. The guy should come out and state his main reason(s) why he’s avoiding this family meet-up.

    [Reply]

    padlock Reply:

    @ghallday, IS SOO SIMPLE THE GUY SEE’S HER AS JUST A BOOTY CALL. NOTHING MORE ………GIRL IS ABOUT TIME YOU WISE UP COS HE IS JUST USING YOU TO DUMP YOU.

    [Reply]

  • Deels

    He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her. If he really loved her and was proud to be with her, he would have told the world about her and showed her off. If he was really serious about her he would have aleast introduced her to one of his friends. If a guy doesnt introduce you to one of his friends after one year there is a question mark there. In his mind she is not his girlfriend, just some girl he is hanging with until he finds a real girlfriend. She needs to move on, she deserves to be in a real relationship not in one where she is hidden or forbidden from meeting anyone close to him.

    [Reply]

    rick Reply:

    i have certainly got 3 points to make. 1) there may be some negative with homethat he dont want to show to you.2) he may feel that, you are not BEAUTIFUL enough for him to show you to his relatives.3) he is just playing with you.

    [Reply]

    rick Reply:

    @rick, Ana, if he dont like u , i got someone who will. give me ur number and email address and he will contact u.

    [Reply]

    KTGalloway Reply:

    @Deels,I agree… some people are private and like to keep things that way, and we all understand that, but to not want to let family and friends know and meet your significant other only shows that you are hiding something probably.

    [Reply]

  • divine

    this guy is not in love wit her, and he’s definately hiding something. if a guy likes u, he’ll show u off 2 his friends and siblings at least. its not like u bn wit hin for a month. i think she needs to sit him down and tell him how she feels and all. if he’s still not willing 2 show her off then he’s definately not worth it.

    [Reply]

  • nanayaa

    If ur boyfriend no de do u well, carry carry carry awaaaayyyy (do da dance wit it) simple as abc..lmao

    [Reply]

    elena baby Reply:

    @nanayaa, HAHAHHAAHAHAH
    THat is funny.can you sing again.

    [Reply]

  • http://yahoo Rama

    There is no love in this relationship, i met a guy just a week i was introduced
    to his family. Actions speaks louder than words he is not serious.

    [Reply]

  • Migayi

    i gues your only good for the pum pum or he allready introduce his real lover to his parents and he is just using you as a breakfast lunch i got a feeling that dude allready has a wifey

    [Reply]

    ghallday Reply:

    @Migayi,lool Can’t do without the pun  man. lol

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  • Okwy

    Ana i ll advise u from my own experience with men, am 26 yrs of age & i ve been married now for about 4 years. If theres anything men are very good at it is playing games with women’s heart. most men this days cant be bothered to stay faithful to 1 woman, thats why there are so many stds around now. So if u are a decent young lady who really wants to settle down, u have no business being in a relationship with a man for over a year & he’s not taken u to meet his family talkless of ”putting a ring on it” My dear believe it or not most men usually dont marry their long term girlfriends. A man that loves u will take u to the alter within 5 or 6 months of meeting u, (unless he’s not yet ready to settle down) I mean ”why buy the cow when he’s getting the milk free”, be wise my dear.

    [Reply]

    missy Reply:

    @Okwy, i gree w/u on sm points but going 2 da alter within 6 months of dating is premature 2 me unless off course u’ve been friends w/da person 4 a long tym.

    [Reply]

  • That Guy

    Ya’ll don’t get it. Do ya’ll even know how ‘grown men’ think/work at all? This man is grown and more mature than her. He has fell in love deeply with her but there’s something about her that he’s not sure of. That’s why he’s now scared to be seen with her but still staying with her. This is what happens when a man falls in love before he ‘detects’ it about her. 

    Her going behind his back and talking to friends, his brother’s is just pure disrespectful. I mean, she’s showing signs already of doing things behind his back and they’re not even married yet. wink, wink. If he finds out, his whole hope in her will diminish as he’s going to have a hard time trusting her again. A man see a woman that pushes herself into his family too quick without his approval as a desperate or have something to hide. I can go on and on but the behavior of her reaching out to his family behind his back alone means she’s been pushy. When you do that, a man thinks you’re in a hurry and rushing him for a reason. The more you push, the more he resists. This man is madly in love with this girl but does not have her mind yet. Or at least feels like she’s not opening up to him fully yet to the extend to wife her up.

    PS: Marrying anybody in 5-6months is a very bad idea. That’s a person you don’t know and won’t know until after the marriage. Human’s are too complex to get to known intimately and make a serious decision such as marriage in just 5-6months. 

    Oh, like Migayi commented, some are also just good for the pum pum :)

    [Reply]

    Agnes Reply:

    @That Guy, Could u be that guy this lady is talking about? cos u seems to have the details of the happenings. Well if u are that guy then u better talk with her and let her know ur mind cos its not fair the way u’re treating her.

    But if not my dear sister just forget about him and move on.

    [Reply]

    That Guy Reply:

    @Agnes,
    no, am not person the lady is describing but I’ve done enough and lived through enough to analyze things like this with accuracy. Am a grown dude with life experience and bad-ass attitude. Her story would’ve been a little more grim with gore if she was talking about me. That’s for sure. :)

    She should be moving on and not staying around and complaining. You don’t stay around an unfavorable environment/situation and complain about unfair treatment when you could easily move on(though it’s easier said than done). Unless the problem is coming from you without you knowing it. Remember, in life, people can only do to you what you allow them to do to you. For her to be still staying around it and complaining means ‘she knows’ the answer to the problem already. Same thing goes for dude’s who complain about their relationships and you ask “why are you still with her then”, and they get mad. lol.

    “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain”. Maya Angelou

    you see, this gracious woman agrees with my stand-point as well ’cause she’s grown and she knows. This is the reason why real people/grown ups don’t listen to complaints. Now you know. Damn, I feel like a psychotic psychologist. Is there even such a thing?

    [Reply]

  • That Guy

    On the real though, if ya’ll phucking and you haven’t met any of his friends, you’re not his girlfriend. You’re just the jump-off, accept it and move on. Samething goes for the men. At least that’s how it is in the real world.

    [Reply]

  • MiMi

    Ana, sorry for ur pain. but i think he is hiding something. you have to do a lot of research on ur own. Maybe he is in a relationship with someone else which the whole family knws abt.

    [Reply]

  • elena babe

    Ana one year in a relationship is not all that long especially when you look at the number of devorce that is going on in the country.this is because most men and women because they are soo desperate especially the ladies we accept to marry early without taking time to think.we just take it that marriage is just like boy friend girl friend matter.

    Some say i saw a guy last week and he has introduce me to HIS family.My sister let me tell you.THIS IS SOMETHING THAT SOME GUYS ARE USING TO BUY OUR MINDS.DONT THINK THAT A MAN HAS INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FAMILY SO HE IS GOING TO MARRY YOU.MOST MEN NOW KNOW THAT SOME WOMEN ARE SO DESPERATE FOR MARRIAGE SO WHEN HE SEES YOU HE WANTS TO TAKE YOU TO SEE HIS FAMILY. PLEASE MY SISTERS DO NOT BE DECEIVED.THAT IS THE TRICK SOME OF THEM ARE USING.IF YOU CAN TAKE YOUR TIME JUST GO AND ASK WELL YOU WILL BE AMAZED TO SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON HE HAS INTRODUCE TO THE FAMILY.AFTER INTRODUCING YOU TO HIS FAMILY SOME CALL AND TELL THEIR PARENTS SHE IS NOT THE ONE I AM GOING TO MARRY.SO TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK WHEN A GUY SEES YOU TODAY AND INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FAMILY YOU ARE GOING TO BE HIS WIFE. THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU ARE BEEN FOOLED.

    BUT SOMETHING IS CLEAR HERE.THE GUY DOES NOT WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FRIENDS NOT TO TALK ABOUT HIS FAMILY.I THINK THERE ARE MORE TO THIS.AND I THINK THE MAN REFUSING TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FAMILY MAY BE DUE TO A LOT OF THINGS.THESE ARE:

    1. HE IS NOT SURE HE HAS FOUND THE RIGHT ONE(THAT DOES NOT MEAN HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU) SO HE IS AFRAID TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS.YOU KNOW THERE ARE SOME FAMILIES IF YOU DARE INTRODUCE HIM/HER THEN DO NOT BRING ANOTHER ONE.SO HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE HAS FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON.

    2. MAY BE THERE ARE SOMETHINGS THAT YOU DO WHICH HE DOES NOT LIKE AND CAN NOT TELL YOU BUT YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN YOU TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.

    3. MAY BE HE THINKS YOU ARE PUSHING HIM TOO MUCH.

    4. MAY BE HIS FAMILY MIGHT NOT LIKE YOU(WHICH HE IS WONDERING)

    5. MAY BE HE IS NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN YET.

    6. MAY BE YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE TO HIM ANY LONGER SO AFRIAD TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FRIENDSTHINKING THAT THEY MIGHT LAUGH AT HIM.

    7. HE DOES NOT THINK YOU ARE A MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

    8. MAY BE WANT TO ENJOY LIFE WITH YOU TILL HE FINDS THE RIGHT PERSON.

    9.MAY BE HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANY LONGER BUT AFRIAD YOU MIGHT GET HURT IF HE TELLS YOU.SO HE WIIL PLAY GAMES BY NOT INTRODUCING YOU TO HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

    10. MAY BE THERE IS ANOTHR PERSON THAT HE IS GOING OUT WITH BESIDES YOU.SO HE WONT DARE INTRODUCE YOU.

    TO YOU ANA,I ALSO THINK YOU ARE PUSHING HIM TOO MUCH.IT SEEMS YOU ARE TOO DESPERATE.IF A MAN SEES THAT HE WILL PLAY GAMES WITH YOU TILL YOU GET TIRED.I AM A LADY LIKE YOU AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BUT TAKE IT SLOW.DONT BE FRIENDS WITH HIS RELATIVE SECRETLY.SIT HIM DOWN AND TALK TO HIM BUT DONT BE TOO DESPERATE.YOU WANT TO KNOW HIS FRIENDS LET ME TELL YOU SOME FRIENDS ARE EVEN WORST.IS THAT NOT WHAT SOME HAVE BEEN DOING, HE WILL TELL YOU THIS MY FRIEND HE IS A COOL GUY HE IS A GOOD BOY BUT YOU WILL GET TO KNOW LATER THAT ALL THESE ARE LIES.MOST FRIENDS COVER FOR THEIR FREINDS.I SAY MOST ABOUT 95% OF MEN AND WOMEN DO THIS.SO PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME.BUT WATCH HIM CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU ARE BEEN USED.NOW YOU DONT TRUST WHAT HE IS DOING SO DONT GIVE IN TOO MUCH.DONT ALLOW HIM TOO USE YOU AND DUMP YOU LIKE RUBBISH.IS LIKE HE IS NOT MUSH IN THE RELATIONSHIP LIKE YOU.IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK.

    GIVE HIM SOME SPACE AND WATCH HIM.BECAREFULL WITH YOUR HEART.YOU ARE NOT MARRIADE TO HIM SO ANYTHINK CAN HAPPEN BUT BE CAREFUL .LIKE I SAID DO NOT BE TOO PUSHY.WHEN YOU GIVE HIM SOMETIME WITHOUT CAMPLAINING HE WILL SHAMEFULLY INTRODUCE YOU TO THEM.DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO HIS FREINDS.I THINK YOU MUST ALSO WATCH YOUR WAYS.YOUR BEHAVIOUR TO HIM AND WHEN YOU GO OUT WITH HIM.DONT BE TWO WAY BEHAVIOR.KILL HIM WITH GOOD FOOD AND YOU KNOW ON BED TOO DO IT WELL.(of course that will not change some men until they go in for maame water)

    IF YOU DO ALL THese and he is not satisfied and does not introduce you to his family then you advice yourself.after all is not everybody who is born to be marriade but we all pray that things get well.forget about the love you have for him and move on because he does not love you.there is a proverb that goes “se wosoro aware gyae a wonya aware pa” he who fears devorce do not get good marriage.who knows he might not be your mr right.

    DONT DIE BECAUSE OF A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE.FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT HE HAS PREPARE FOR YOU.

    PLEASE ONCE AGAIN BECAREFUL WITH YOUR HEART BECAUSE WE NEED A LOT OF PEOPLE ALIVE TO DECIDE FOR US ON 2012.

    [Reply]

    avishan Reply:

    @elena babe,. MAY BE THERE IS ANOTHR PERSON THAT HE IS GOING OUT WITH BESIDES YOU.SO HE WONT DARE INTRODUCE YOU.
    It happened to me:(

    Source: http://www.ghanacelebrities.com/2010/08/22/my-boyfriend-doesn%e2%80%99t-want-me-to-meet-his-friends-family-i-am-so-confused#ixzz1gC5fZ3dY

    [Reply]