Love & Relationship: My Boyfriend Wants To Go Back To Ghana For A Year, Friend Says He May Have A Wife Waiting For Him There…I Am Worried!21 Comments

Sassy Chic
Posted on 04 Jan 2011 at 9:09pm

Dear GC,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and I can honestly say he is the man that has ticked 9 out of 10 things I want in a man. When we first met he was finishing his second year of university and looking forwards to completing his final year.

The summer was amazing and I really had a chance to look at our relationship as one that would go the distance. He made it clear how he felt about me and made a point of making me a big part of his life. We were like glue and spent everyday of the summer together.

During the summer when we talked of mine and his plans for the future in terms of our careers, he said he would go straight onto masters after his degree. He asked me at the time if I would go with him should he decided to go abroad. I thought it was so sweet that he would want me to follow him and I said yes.

I am from Uganda and he is from Ghana and he recently told me that he wants to put his masters on hold for a year because he has been given an opportunity to work back home in Ghana with his father’s business for a year before starting his masters.

He explained that he would do better on his masters if he had work related experience. This is all great but there is now no mention of him asking me to come along and I’m devastated.

He hasn’t said he wants to end the relationship and says he wants me to visit and he will visit also and that 12 months is not a long time at all.

When I told my best friend she rolled her eyes and said he probably has to go back to his wife and family back home so I shouldn’t bother myself.

Her words were harsh but I’m starting to wonder if she has a point! All the thinking is making me very paranoid and I’m starting to wonder if I should just end the whole thing.

Joanne.

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Dear Joanne,

This is truly a typical conclusion to come to in regards to your friend’s not so friendly advice. I’m sure she is not the only one who has made this suggestion but as you yourself have said this will only add to any paranoid thoughts you are already having.

In all honesty there is a possibility that he could be ‘hiding his braid’ back home but this could be stereotypical paranoia, which seems such a waste of what appears to be a blossoming relationship if your suspicions are false.

One thing we woman need to be careful of is allowing our fear of being hurt or our fear of avoiding issues other people have gone through by putting up unnecessary barriers to happiness. It is true that many men back home are known for this behaviour but as a woman you need to be smarter than just having suspicions.

By being smart I mean removing your emotional decision making head and putting on your logical and smart thinking head. It’s clear you have two options here, stay in the relationship and wait for him for a year or end the relationship and never know what it could have been.

At some point in a couple’s life we will live apart from each other and it’s a real test of the relationship. As your relationship is still fairly new and you are not married yes it is surely harder but not the end of the world. As you mentioned you had your own plans to as there is no reason why this should be put on hold.

Men are not hard to read, if you discuss with him how you feel this long distance relationship should work his responses will surely help you make the right decision.

As women we’ve been blessed with instincts, we just need to learn to stop ignoring them! If you are serious about this there is no need for noise, arguments and mayhem.

If he is saying he wants the relationship to continue exclusively and he is surely coming back after the one year, insist calmly that you would like to support him to go and settle in back in Ghana before he starts work. If he is ok with this then the rest is simple!

I am not asking you to snoop or become a private investigator, there is no need for that and you are not in your territory so you are there to support and know his people and for them to know you. If this is all too overwhelming then the answer as we know is again very simple.

I hope this helps and I wish all you the best.

Regards,

SassyChic! /GhanaCelebrities.Com/United Kingdom

Send all your relationship & Love  probs to me via tips@ghanacelebrities.com




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  • Soul Sista Boateng

    Listen chick…1st advice i can give u is NEVER LISTEN 2 YOUR MATES when it comes 2 man stuff…not saying all girlfriends r like dis but seriously gals r sooo deceitful u should even watch out 4 da 1s u call your “friends”…2 me yeah…dis guy sounds genuine…compounded by da fact dat he even wants u 2 come over and visit him…n da reason he gave 4 goin away makes sense man seriously…your mate just sounds 2 me like she swallowed a litre of haterade…don’t watch her gwarn do u

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    Mamizzle Reply:

    friends friends…. soul sista is ryt!

    sumtyms we women r our own enemies. good guys dun lyk ur “friends” all up in their biznez! i rest my case oo

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    Sassychic Reply:

    I think as you get older and wiser you figure out what to share and what not to share with your friends! You quickly figure out the drama is can cause between you and your man when you over indulge with your relationship. But then we always know that one friend that will be open and honest with you and tell you when you are the one that has it wrong. The same way you hope your man has a friend that will not lie and decive him by agreeing with everything, but ultimately I agree less is more when it comes to sharing info with your girlfriends about your relationship…

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  • Weapon-X

     That was a brilliant advice from IamSassyChic. Though, the guy seems very loving and caring but I kinda still smell something fishy here.

    Yes, his father has given him the opportunity to run the family business backhome for a year and that he can gain experience when he feel like resuming his master degree after he did completed his bachelor which I believe is good sacrifice. On the other hand I can’t believe he NEVER mention of you (Joanne) coming to pay a serious visit within that one year period.

    Before most of you come at my neck, listen up. A better man with a loving caring common sense will simply say “hey baby my father has given me the opportunity to run the family business and I prefer you (Joanne) to visit me.” Now, what so hard saying that?  Leaving the woman you say you love for one year without face to face? Dammn….

    Look, I ain’t trying to downplay my homie or trying to scare Joanne but truth is the truth and Joanne friend is wrong for jumping into conclusion..(what a bitch) 

    Like IamSassyChich said men are not hard to read and if you calmly discuss with him you will then know his point of view whether he serious with you or not. Simple. May be he will pick up the phone and call you to come over or he’s planning the visitation. 

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    Weapon-X Reply:

    Typo..my bad 

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    Miyagi Reply:

    i guess you have said it all you should have been a detective Lol naah i mean you got a good point but where you stated that he prefers Joanna to visit me i mean visit is once in a blue moon or something is not like a every month thing that Joanna can be there if dude is really going there for a year and just to take care of family business than dude should have sit his girfriend Joanna down 

    and discuss the whole matter and both figure out what they will do and if he truly loves her than would have ask Joanna too come with him than and be his partner to me i smell something fishy there unless dude made enough money and has decided to move back or something it could be anything but yet there is a big piece missing out of the whole story from what i’m reading i mean she can come and visit but how often will that be and incase she decide to go there once dude could hide his track quit easy 

    like sassy chick stated we man are easy to read thats so so true you should sit him down and communicate with him and check his body language and way of communication and look into brothers eyes and you will surely find your answer your looking for and at least you will know what to do or where you stand than and about your friend seems more like a idiot to me a real Bitch (pardon my language) but seems like she would like to be in your shoes this is one of the reasons why girls can me complicated sometimes instead of advising her your talking and showing negative impact so it would make you think twice about the whole situation to me she doesnt reallt sound like a best friend to you but more of a KONKOSA GIRL

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    Adjoa nbaaso) Reply:

    Omg! Miyagi I came to read your comment after contributing and I love that advice especially with the body language part.But you know one thing about men, they only want to talk about certain issues when they are in the mood to, if not then the lady should expect lies upon lies.Wish I knew a specific time/moment every man would speak the truth regardless of the issue..Maybe when…I dont know, i dont know!!!!!

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    Miyagi Reply:

    Thanks darling hope your good Well some woman go for looks and some for personality some of them rush too fast into relationship put it like this The thing to do is to protect yourself by getting to know someone over time That way if something is being covered up you will notice things about their behavior that doesn’t add up or is suspicious. Most people can keep an act up for three or four months So give a relationship at least this much time before taking it to the next level. Don’t invest yourself too deeply with anyone until you feel you really know them and this takes time. Keep dating other people until one person has shown you that they deserve your trust and love. Love isn’t instant it is hard to learn. Even love at first sight will take time to nurture and grow. If someone gives you the time to make this happen they deserve your trust

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    Adjoa nbaaso) Reply:

    like that!

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    Adjoa nbaaso) Reply:

    @ Miyagi, thanks luv.Yes am good, I know you are too.

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    Miyagi Reply:

    Lol I’m good yeah darling got that right 

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    me Reply:

    if u read it very well, u will realize d guy said Joanne could visit him and he will also visit Joanne…

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    me Reply:

    dont u girls(those in long distance relationship) also think that your guys might be thinking you girls have husbands and family?
    Guys are able to put this thought behind them and try and fight for the well being of the relationship but all they get in return is a lady who will be thinking “is my man cheating on me at this moment?”
    Joanne clearly said and i quote “He hasn’t said he wants to end the relationship and says he wants me to visit and he will visit also and that 12 months is not a long time at all.”… what else do you want the guy to have said? he has shown he luvs the girl and wants to be with her… girls should just know who they talk to when its abt their relationship, some of you girls allow your friends to give you wrong advise.

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  • B.B

    Girl take it easy and be careful of some friends. If you really trust him then just have patience and wait to see what’s next.
    I wish you all the best.

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  • Adjoa nbaaso)

    Well, Well, Well there are two solutions to this problem and sassychic am glad you said it all.1.Its either she swallows the bitter pill and call it quit before its too late or she takes the risk of watching and waiting.Seriously, as a lady/woman you always need to listen to that little voice called your instincts cuz it usually got some little truth in there.I mean talk to the man carefully, watch his actions and I guess you would know what he is up to.Joanne, although we can advice you on what to do, your problem right here requires 80% of your own assignment.Just, talk to him,listen to his response, watch him closely and you would come up with a solution.Life sometimes is about risk taking and it doesn’t hurt to try darling.

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  • Queenzy

    Wow this is something else. I knw hw u feel girl. I am actually in communication with someone for 4 years in Ghana. I am planning to go to him dis year. But has been on my mind as well mayb he has wife/girlfriend in Ghana but wants to com over
    . Anyway I kinda understand ur pain. But u need to sit him down see where he stands with u and the relationship. He should have said to you that u come every couple of months to see him. I knw it is expensive for flight but if he truely loves you he will do anythinh to keep the both of you together in this relatioship and that by all means you both don’t lose each other…That’s if he really loves you. Love conquers all things. I pray you make the right decision as myself.

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    Sassychic Reply:

    Thanks for your insight as you are goin’ through the same thing first hand. I know a lot of people who would not find long distance easy at all but then there are many successful relationships that come out of long distance and to be honest I find such couples who survive it are stronger because they have passed a very challenging hurdle. If someone is yours you can be on the moon and your relationship will still stand the test of time. But like I said be vigilant! Best of Luck!

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  • miss dior

    Hmmm this is very dicey, he doesnt want to end the relationship but didnt ask u to come with him to Ghana? If it were for me, i will listen very well during conversations with him, thru that u will know or have an idea if hes still into u, if not u have to move on. Use your intuition, instincts and all the the things God has blessed women with.

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    Sassychic Reply:

    Exactly @ miss dior but our only problem is we egnore it and later wish we hadn’t. I think with women we always know deep down what the answer is but emotions get in the way…but what’s a girl to do!

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  • Twinkles

    I believe u should trust ur man and since he’s given his word to visit n moreover u can also visit. jus give it a try and see wat comes up. i know if u visit him here n familiarize urself with family members it will help with matters

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  • Pasca Llynne

    mmmhh

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