Dear GC,
I’m writing because this dilemma needs objective advice that I know I am not likely to get from either my friends or family. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over 6 months and I am very happy.
I really can’t say I have much to complain about as he still treats me like we are in the honeymoon period. When we first met he really spoilt me and took real good care of me, encouraging me to follow my dreams and supporting and encouraging my decision to start my course so I could do better in life. So when he asked me to loan him quite a bit of money I really was confused as to whether I should loan it to him or not.
My boyfriend is very driven and smart and before meeting me he started a small project back home building an apartment. It appears to be in its final stages but he explained that it has been costing him more than he thought.
He comes from money so his family are wealthy but he refuses to ask his father for money. He says he wants to accomplish this without their help which I do understand. I have money saved which he does not know about.
The issue is aside from the fact that we have not been together long I asked my friend for her opinion and her answer sent me into a panic. She thinks it’s a foolish idea as he probably has wife and kids back home and is just using me and I would be lucky if I ever see him or his money once he leaves back home to Africa to build.
I really haven’t even considered this as he really does seem genuine, but I’ve been warned that how would I know this in such a short space of time.
I am also worried that with the amount he is asking for what if he really can’t pay it back. It’s not an amount I can afford to right off if he does delay in paying.
I’ve always been told if you can’t afford to give it away then do not loan it. It’s hard when you are in love as I really just want to trust him and give it to him. I really don’t know what to do.
Thanks Henrietta
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Dear Henrietta,
Loaning money is always a bit of a tricky situation because it really can cause major drama if money is not returned and promises are broken. You are right to be concerned about him not being able to pay the money back, especially if you see him purchasing other things and not paying your money it will cause major issues.
By the sound of it, the amount he is asking for will cause a big problem to your pocket should he not return the money.
You do need to be careful about allowing friends advise to cloud your own judgement. As they say ‘if you listen to your friends you’re going to be lonely’.
However it is likely that many would be thinking that what your friend has said is a possibility. My only issue is that you can spend hours obsessing over things that are not really happening.
There is a chance that he will borrow the money and return it as agreed. Just ask yourself to check out his money habits, is he like you? Is he good with money or always broke, do you know him to borrow from others or is this the first you’ve seen him ask.
It’s harder to establish this as you have not known him long but by now you will have some idea on his ways with money.
In response to your friends concerns I would say that if you really want to support him with this because he has been supportive and generous to you in the past, you can consider loaning him part of the money that way you have not lost out should things turn sour or he gets stuck.
I would also suggest you asking him if you can go with him to support and check out what he is working on, you don’t have to really go it’s just checking out his reaction.
If he is up for it then it may be a sign he doesn’t have much to hide, if he is adamant you cannot go and he does not have genuine reason then you may need to hold back on this.
All the best
SassyChic!
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected]
Wow, on first instinct I would advise her not to loan out this money. However, if you have thought about it and decide to lend him then please have him sign a contract that would include a repayment plan (timeline and amount to be paid in sequence if he cannot repay the loan all at once). Are there other alternatives other than the girlfriend and his parents? @SassyChic your advice is very good. I hope she will consider them
Listen n listen carefully DO NOT lend him the money period.
Henrietta, pls don´t loan him the money for now. If the purpose for his borrowing was to solve health bills or something like that. Then you can give him, but to completing his house, is not an emergence issue. Another reason is knowing hom for just 6months is not long enough to start lending him money. If care is not taken, it might become a habit of him, always asking u for money.
I agree with you Afia. It’s not an emergency.
1. He can try asking his friends or some other family members for that money. He needs to put his pride aside and ask his parents for the money.
2. Asking you for the money and not from his own pocket is the same as asking the money from his parents. At the end of the day, it wasn’t from his pocket. Also he can pay his parents back after the house is complete. that way it will still be his own money and his own house not his parents.
3. He can find a job, work more hours to save enough money for the house(the house can wait). anaa ne ponko p3 nt3m?lol
4. He can loan money from the bank or something
I had a similar issue with a family member who couldn’t pay me on time. It wasn’t intentional but dey just couldn’t provide the money to me on that particular agreement date. it took me a lot of calling before it was paid. i was angry bcos I needed the money at that time. since then, I’m very careful with the ppl I lend money to. So my dear, think very careful about this. Afterall you’ve known him for only 6 months. Y’all aint even married yet. don’t do something that you will regret in the long round. “had I known is always at last”. You know now obaa, so please make the right decision.
hey galfrnd pls pls pls there is nothing to think of its a big no……do not loan him the money @tymes borrowin money to friends destroys friendship n this has happend to me so many tyms they say all sort of things like am gona pay back b*t when they recive the money n its time to pay the story changes so my dear if yo really want to keep this yo*r man then do not and i mean do not give him any money period……..
Dont lend him the money, it’s not like he is moving to Africa anytime soon to need that house to be completed. if it had been a joint project then that’s different but this? girl dont try it.
Before he met you, he was doing it all by himself. If he is in a hurry to complete it then he can always work more hours.
He comes from a wealthy family and yet can’t ask his parents he has been in a relationship just for six months and is already asking you a huge amount to complete his house this gaily sounds more like a joker a fraudster who knows he has been doing it to many girls before ending up with you I have heard of people like that getting into relationship making the girl fall truly madly deeply in love with him and run get empty if I was you I would continue with your life and don’t worry about it there are too many fishes in the season there is nothing special about him than a life wrecker so I would say don’t pay attention to it and don’t even make it your number one priority and let him go or just let him find his own way to continue
I co-sign that Bruh. If this home boy was born into money with silver spoon in his mouth and can’t ask his family because has some family issues? Then I smell some really fishy.
You can say that again and I bet story about coming from a wealthy family is just a lie I guess a cover up
I totally agree with u! There Are so many of those guys. I personally know one. Experience is the best teacher in life!
being supportive showing care and all that for six mnths is not enof. ppl even go uhe extnt of maryin to ‘get what they want’ i’m not tryn to scare u ba do not let those things cloud ur jgment. I think it is too early for him to be asking 4 loans 4 a BUILDING PROJECT. If u can handle it if he raises an issue of trust with respect to him signing an agrmemt then fine. else DO NOT lend him.
dont loan him the money maybe if it was 6 years it wuld be different but 6 months DONT DO IT
please do not loan him that money he is going to make fool out of you only six months baby forget about him you find a better person peace
i believe more in your latter suggestion to play on his instincts and pretenend to want to go with him and check on the project and see his reactions. She can then base her judgement on that. However, her friend’s idea should be considered 50-50. cos he is likely to be genuine or be a player and of course have a wife and kids down here. Wish u all the best but do make the wisest decision in this situtation that will not cost you negatively
Keep your money, its going to be an issue later on.
don’t lend what you can’t afford to lose!
it sounds harsh ,but you’re dating only 6 months an he’s asking for a loan for an overseas project. are you a bank?
just sit him down and tell him that you are not comfortable lending him that kind of money.if he’s a good boyfriend he should accept this.it’s not urgent and why can he not either get a loan from a bank,do additional hrs or save up for this.if his pr9ide won’t let him ask his parents how come he has no such issue asking you!!
hecks no what kind of men would have the guts to ask u about ur life savings he should get his own money he is a man and heshould be able to aford what he needs and u shouldnt give him ur money cuz he might never come back.