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Love & Relationship: Things Not To Tell Your Partner If You Want Your Relationship To Last

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Ooopps! I have always thought when you are in a relationship, you are some way fixed together with your partner and as such, he/she must know all  that you know. I am not the kind of person who likes to hide things from the partner, not because I am a talkative or cannot keep a secret. This is solely because no matter how clean or non-malicious something is, if you do not tell your partner and it pops up later somewhere, he/she begins to look beyond the ordinary…

Anyway, I just stumbled upon the below article on Yahoo which seems to suggest that I am wrong with my approach to telling my partner everything. Maybe, this is why today, I am still looking for that partner who will stay forever. Do not fall into my pit, read below for what may help your relationship…

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Chatting about your day at work, sharing your most intimate feelings, admitting to cheating… communication has become the focal point of modern relationships, with many a relationship sunk following a communication faux pas.

Today, relationship codes have changed and a fusional couple is no longer an ideal model. Having a drink with a friend, or dinner with an ex – without telling him… This was unthinkable a few decades back, but quite the norm today!

The ‘me’ is no longer absorbed into the ‘we’ and independence is sacred, individuality to be cultivated; up to a certain point, that is. Do you know when to let it all out and when to keep your mouth shut?

What should you be telling your partner?

“Not telling all is actually a sign of maturity,” says psychologist Jacques-Antoine Malarewicz. On the other hand, demanding total transparency is a sign of a lack of self-confidence.

According to the psychoanalyst Catherine Bensaïd, playing the total honesty card in a relationship carries the risk of trivialising honesty. “Sharing it all with your partner without limit, puts your mystery at risk – a power that is essential in the game of seduction.” Without taking the immaturity of over-the-top verbose communication into account.

“If I systematically go through every single little detail of my day point-by-point, I feel like I’ve become a child again answering all the questions my mum asked me,” says Fran. In the long term this kind of endless verbosity is so boring and passion-numbing that you risk ending up as friends rather than lovers.

The right moment for telling the “big” stuff

While little secrets are necessary, certain silences can be really heavy in a relationship. “Being fired or getting diagnosed with an illness are subjects that need to be discussed,“ says Malarewicz. Feeling comfortable talking about the “big” subjects is in this case, a sign of your confidence in your partner. So many couples have come out of serious situations even stronger because of good communication between them.

Sharing your feelings should be natural, but not at any time or place. Both of you have your own past and emotional baggage that should be understood and taken into consideration. No point wanting to get it all out there in the heat of a massive dispute or in a moment of difficulty. Catherine Bensaïd advises that you, “Waiting for the right moment is the foundation of respectful communication within a couple”. And be attentive to how you talk and how you are listening to your partner.

To tell or not to tell… that is the question!

These few tips should help you find the middle ground between brutal honesty and deafening silence:

  • What you should not tell: your little secrets – You’ve been hanging around with your best friend after work and so of course, you’ve come home late. Or you’ve had dinner with an ex. You know that it’s going to make your partner go crazy, with a fight sure to follow. Shhh! Keep it to yourself and you’ll avoid useless discussions and squabbles, while keeping your freedom in tact, with no damage (for either of you).
  • What you should tell: all about money – You’ve caved in a bought the latest iPad or Jimmy Choo shoes – blowing the budget in the process. Tell your partner about it and find a solution to the budget blowout together: don’t eat out for the next couple weeks for example. If you’ve been fired, there’s no use in pretending to go to work everyday (it’s more common than you’d imagine). Just put your cards on the table and let your partner offer you a little support.
  • Maybe you should tell or maybe not: cheating on them – As far as cheating is concerned, you should probably tell him about it if is a direct result of a problem in your couple. “We’re not getting on anymore and I’m seeing someone else.”  However, if it was a one-night stand in a moment madness at an office party, there’s probably no need to own up… You probably already feel guilty, are loving your partner even more now, and you aren’t planning a repeat, so telling them will serve little purpose.

Source: Yahoo

 



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12 thoughts on “Love & Relationship: Things Not To Tell Your Partner If You Want Your Relationship To Last”

  1. For me, I still believe in honesty in a relationship. I may not tell ALL of my past in the beginnning of a relationship because somethings are better left unsaid. Besides, why bring up memories of the past anyways when you have moved unto a new relationship.
    But as times goes by in the relationship, TRUST is established, bonding takes place and another kind of friendship is born, I am bound to tell ALL and trust that my partner does the same. My partner should be my everything which includes being my Best friend.

    Reply
    • Yep I defo agree. I realised that not giving honesty to try and protect yourself or the relationship is not helpful at all! Besides what I think is treat others as you want to be treated. 

      Reply
    • Good point. But what “if”  after this new friendship is born and you guys tell each other the whole past and something the partner reveals is too  big for u to handle.. what happens then? 

      Reply
  2. ma dear friends i will advice u to listen to dis article.im guilty of dis nd rite now it has caused me ma relationship.first da guy pretended he was coll with it so it kinda encouraged me to tell him more .i tot i was building trust not knowing he was malin his own decisions.out of nowhere he used all dat against me nd broke up with me sayin im not a wifey material .hmmmm

    Reply
    • Sorry to hear this darling but anyway everything happens for a reason and am sure u have learnt your lesson already.

      Reply
    • This is difficult because i know but withholding the truth can only lead to telling lies! So you don’t tell him your ex called to ask for dinner or you go for dinner and he finds out…trust me it is much worse. I think you need to be honest but don’t also put ourselves in positions where you need to withhold the truth or lie.

      If you are with a man who truely loves you he may find the truth very difficult he may shout and make you feel bad, he may not even talk to you for a fe days but he has the truth. Lie and when he finds out love or not…he’s gone. I was once told of a situation where a chic had had a few abortions, so she did not tell her hubby…

      ok so due to one issue or another this information was made known to him so what now? if she had told him to start with he’d be pissed but if he loved you he would stay, men have stuck by women for much worse. If he does not stay when you tell the truth then he is not for you. If the truth scares him let him go because if that’s all it takes for him to leave when the real big issues come he cannot and will not handle.  yes easier said than done I know but that is my experience of it.

      @ inchristalone when you meet YOUR man that God will bless you with you will see the difference. and that dude that left…he is being foolish the reason I say this is because we all have a past no matter what we all have things that make us seem less desirable. What women will he meet that will not have a past and is not wifey material? will he keep moving from one to the next in search of the perfect bride? When he goes to all other women and they lie and lie and he gets pissed about being deceived he will member you because you were brave enough to be honest and tell the truth.

      At the end of the day a man can and will find out truths would you not rather him hear it from you than someone else?? If you want the past to be the past you can basically tell your man that, that is the past and has nothing to do with us today and leave at that. Unless he is willing to also share his own dirty secrets with you? Anyway your prince charming is surely on his way! unless you met him already lol  😉

      Reply
      • thnx everyone.that guy was an ass.he was in for da money cos i spent on him.he is an upcoming ghana musician i met.dnt wanna mention names.i helped him nd did all da best i can for him to bring out his first video.he made me fink he was an angel sent from above.infact he wanted to no more abt me nd ma past nd when i tell him he will pretend to be cool with nd even encourage me to let it go cos it in da past.anyway i hav leave him to God.if God doesnt deal with him then he is not God.im very single now after dat experience i dnt even have apetite for men.sry guys for ranting.

        Reply
        • inchristalone dear ..if ur story is true then take heart huh …its happens to every girl and even boys as well ..u not stupid for falling in love ..but unfortunately u felll in the wrong hands and thank God u have been able to come out …sweetie better men are ahead ..dont worry koraaa …the best its yet to come ur way ..let that idiot go and move on …time will heal ur wounds and keep ur urslef more busy to not think abt it … u will definately falll in love again when the hurt is gone … 🙂 and i pray with the right man …

          Reply
    • Sorry to hear about your experience. I guess you may feel that ” all men are the same”? And all of us are nothing but  dogs in human skin searching for the next “bone” to chew. 

      LIke the writer said some things should be rather left unsaid. for example..Telling a guy about a past threesome or an abortion or some other things would come back to haunt you. 

      Reply
  3. The article is nice but must I really talk abt my money to my partner? What if he thinks i am wealthy cos i told him how much i spent on shoes or on holidays with friends ?

    Reply
  4. These tips are the most outrageous thing I have ever heard. Did I miss something in the article? Are those tips supposed to be jokes?? Have a one night stand and not tell your husband. WOWWWWW. This country has gone to crap!!! You should never cheat on your partner in the first place. But cheat on him one time and not tell him??? This country is just made up of trash.

    Reply

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