Weekly Discussions, Let’s Get Talking: Bang Before Marriage, A Moral Concept or Just A Matter Of Individual Choice…

2 min

This morning, I was in the midst of 3 guys and after lengthy discussions on the state of affairs in Libya, we proceeded to look at the riots in Nigeria and then who might win Ghana’s next elections.

Before I know, these guys were talking about “Bang Before Marriage”. The very fact that I was the only female in the midst of 3 guys coupled with how uncomfortable I was with this topic being discussed loudly early hours of the morning made me go silent.

How long can a sister be mute for as these guys poured down their diabolical views in relation to women who go by the “doctrine” of until we are married, you aint getting me in your bed. I jumped in and these guys would not agree with me on any of the points I made in favour of waiting till the day of marriage.

What I gathered from this morning’s conversation to a larger extent indicates that majority of guys would opt for a “bang before marriage” while most women if they can get it their way would go for abstinence until marriage. I wonder why this trend though!

The above prompted my mind as the position of this doctrine of “No bang before marriage”, Is it a moral concept which if adhered to indicates some sort of good upbringing and adherence to morals or is it another field of individuals choice on what to do with their lives?

Where do you stand when it comes to this issue? What are the reasons why you have this stand? Let’s get talking….

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  1. I think it is probably a bit of both in a way. If men were not so quick and greedy to hit and run with almost every gurl they met then am sure more women would not be so hasty to want to enforce this moral high ground. But then I recently reasoned that God that made us knows what men are like men are funny in the sense that they want to bang every chick as and when they want but they do not want a chick that has been around or had many sleeping partners in her past. They do not like this AT ALL. Which is obviously y so many chicks either don’t say the truth about their past or they keep it in the past and do not discuss it. I guess I feel God asked this of us, but maybe moreso the women as he knows this is how men are. There is no logic to it but men want ‘virginal’ women when they are ready to settle down yet they want all the fun with the ones they do not want as wifey. Women are in their best interest to hold out seriously unless you can at least 95% say your guy is there to stay. I think most women wait to avoid being the victim of ‘HIT & RUN’. That’s how I see it anyway….trust me if God brought me back to this life again I would never want to be a man their logic does not make any sense at all! but if you are blessed enough to meet the one for you and settle then it all very good! 

    1. Not all guys want to bang everything in a skirt/dress. People get mature men who knows what they want confused with guys who are just in heat. You can meet a guy and sleep with him on the first date and he will stick around if he wants you. You can meet a guy and hold out on him and he sticks around because he wants to conquor you sexually, when he gets you he will still move on. So be careful in who you select. Sex is not everything for most guys. Guys with self awareness, can and will step over free pussy that is unworthy of their penis. Girls sometimes fail to understand that for the good guys out there you are a complete package. If sex were everything then believe me you as an individual would not matter. And trust me, a girl knows within the first 5 minutes of meeting a guy, whether or not she is going to sleep with him. So don’t be so naive about sex. We need to be honest with ourselves, if it wasn’t for what ‘people would say’ we would have sex without putting the marriage cart before our partners

      1. @ kr, kinda agree with you.Ofcourse sex aint everything to just a “few guys” but I dont think she is being naive.I feel the reason for sex before marriage thing was and has been more emphasized by guys of today.It looks like it has become something they believe in, I dont want to say “their new belief” but maybe I might have to use it.Trust me, I got a couple of male friends and I know what am talking about. 

  2. honestly speaking… it’s gd and it’s bad… lol right now a lot of ppl have been doing it before they get married. But only very few of those couples are still together b4 they jump the broom. I dnt think it would be bad to have sex b4 with the guy u believe will marry you, but most guys juts want to hit and run and this is why most gurls say lets wate until we married then we can have sex as much as they want. IF ONLY THEY BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE AND WILL STILL GET MARRIED THEN HAY WHY NOT HAVE SEX AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

    1. Yep I mean defo there are goods guys of course but speaking generally this is how it is. If you have men around you, friends family and they are open as women you’ll learn quick enough. Though I think if you can’t save it for marriage then at least quick back a bit till you know. Saying that am thinking there must be some cases where it is other way round….though am sure that is very RARE lol 

  3. earlier im askn on ma fb page/twitter; “will u eva giv ur man one last free pass b4 the wedding day?”

    There are 2 ways to this topic; be smart or tell the truth;
    For the start, i have a bible ryt next to me so im gonna say marry before u bang.
    Truth is, who does that deez days? Personally i dun like surprises so i’d like to get to know what im gett’n into.
    In this new day n tym, u can neva be too sure. I dun want to cut thru dem dross only to see anoda dick starrin ryt @ me. 
    The punane aint even the same so, im finna test to see werda i hav the ryt one 4 d rest of my life. Word is……. I’D LYK TO GET IT RYT n dat demands a lil bit of test drive

    1. Ahhhh u dis guy paaa smbh lolX10. “The punane aint even the same so, im finna test to see werda i hav the ryt one 4 d rest of my life” n whn will dis be after u catch goonoo hmm

  4. Well I’m going to come at this with my conspiracy theory first. Marriage is nothing more than a socially constructed institution. The same people who use religion to control the masses, legalize the institution to ensure a formidable and never-ending supply of a work force, where in the few elites of the world, feed off the labors of the poor; who through marriage seal the procreation deal (afterall what is marriage without children?). Marriage was designed to produce a unrivaled working force with few benefits. More often than not, people who are not married do not want to procreate, thus defeating the purpose of the ‘institution of marriage’ which is to made babies to supply a workforce for the greedy bastards at the top of the food chain. Why should the masses enjoy themselves, by having sex, but not have the burden of the responsibility of children? This well thought out plan orchestrated by these faceless criminals to whom the masses are doomed to labor and slave for. And if two people choose to have offsprings, not by the expectation and implication of the ‘institution of marriage’ then so be it , as long as they are prepared to take care of their responsibility and commit to the union which they have selected.

    Now that out of the way, I can move on. Sex is natural, it is as natural as breathing. Why should guilt be associated with freedom of choice?

    Whether or not one chooses to consciously and actively participate in sex (before or after marriage) it is the prerogative of each individual. The question for me is, is it important for any government or religion to dictate to us, when to exercise our freedom of choice? Using the “God moral” explanation as to when to engage in sex is a little weird and juvenile to me. As long as the people engaging in the act have made a conscious choice, a well informed decision, is mentally, physically, psychologically and emotionally prepared for the experience, then it is no one’s business when and where, preferably in private, sex takes place between two consenting adults. We have been held mentally captive for too long, and as Bob Marley said, free yourself from mental slavery. Think about this, a lot of people who get married are not prepared for neither marriage or sex, so what is the difference? Both marriage and sex those instances is pointless, and one or both people still experience intimate guilt and shame. Peace

  5. This is another dicey topic to dig in. The moral attachment given to Sex is another attempt to control what we do as free human beings. It is so sad that many rules (without legal effect) called Morals have been pinned on our lives as a means to control the aspects which laws cannot prohibit.

    What is wrong with two adults having consensual sex before marriage? When you marry, does anything change? Same panties down and bend over to take the back shot so what is different if it is done before marriage?

    I believe this is an individual choice but society has tried and is still trying to plant this mindset that if you decide to BANG before marriage, you are committing a big moral atrocity, not only a moral atrocity but a religious sin with the greatest of punishment awaiting…

    Society has also succeeded in  letting certain individuals believe that, if a person has sex before marriage, such a person becomes inferior or is less of a person than the one who does not. This therefore has led to people doing this in the dark, an act which is not wrong either before or after marriage, something natural for all human adult to enjoy to the peak has not been forced to become ‘illegal’ and morally wrong before marriage.

    1. @ Chris, to some extent I dont agree with you.Well, am sure every kid growing up had the mindset of “no banging” until “marriage” but at certain point , life screws us all and we end up breaking that promise.I feel like most   guys of today are the cause of this issue, and a typical  example is someone trying to compare  “sex” to  driving test.(A non object to an object?( doesnt even make sense)I have come to realize that some  guys of today  come up with a whole lot of of “fake” philosophies” like I need to test the engine, blah blah, blah.Helloooo, the p**** is not an engine, and we are not even in a car dealer shop. So my question to you those guys is :Can they  ever go to a grocery store and asked the store keeper to have them try the ketchup before buying it?Hell No! OK, so I assume its either u read the ingredients and like it or u are   familiar with the brand and buys it  or  leave the store empty handed.What if he (the store owner)agrees to have you try it and you decide not to purchase it?He looses his profit right? OK, so thats the same way with sex.Come on, She aint no billboard for every passerby to read and walk away.In my opinion there is a lot wrong with two adults having consensual sex before marriage, its not about society, its about doing what is right  and the Bible quotes it.I know we are in in the 21st century and there is a whole lot going on but  honestly  if I had the chance to advise teenagers of today, i would def asked them to keep their pride (virginity) until marriage.

  6. well for religious reasons one shouldnt…lol….but then again its an individual choice….but sometimes i think guys also get tired of chics that bangs right away after they have met them…loolll,…gossip gurl…guys are like that…they can jump from politics to sex…thats why i love them….lool

  7. i agree with most of ur point….like i always tell my friends…if a guy wants to be with u for the rest of his life…he will stick around whether u sleep with him right away or not….and there is the one that will stick around until u sleep with him…and then hit off to the next victim….it all depends on the person….sex is beautiful but now its like something everybody does…bang before or after marriage its an individual choice

  8. It is indeed a matter of individual choice. I don´t see anything wrong with two adults, who loved themselves and decided to share what they have with each other. Sex is natural. Sex should be practice when both the man and woman are ready for it. And if some women think doing it after marriage make them feel better then they should practice it but not with the notion the man will run away if  they had it before marriage. Because a man can still leaves after marrying you.

  9. hmmm this is a very difficult topic to talk about especially in this age. its hard these days to wait until marriage to have sex bcos pple r not marrying early as previuosly. some pple r in their 30s and have no idea when they r going to get married yet just the same way we crave food so do we crave sex. not everybody can wait till marriage. so its ur tin do what u wanna do

  10. Simple as this- ladies feel that they’ve been used if a guy bangs/ hits it several times and never marries them. That is why they would prefer a ring before the bang. Guys on the other hand want to “test the engine” to make sure she is good for them.  It’s all about personal perspective. 

  11. I say bang before marriage i wanna see what am working with. What if we wait and he cant perform or has an itty bitty u know what? I know some people who waited and they r divorced, some banged before marriage and they r still married. I agree with @afia, a man will leave regardless u waited or banged before marriage, its an individual choice.