Dear GC,
I need advice and need to remain anonymous because I could not bring myself to discuss this with anyone. I’m the only child which means I super close to my parents.
My mum is Welsh and my father is Ghanaian. I love them both very much but without a doubt even at 21 I’m a super daddy’s girl. I recently grew closer to my mum since my dad starting travelling abroad for work purposes.
He’s away at least 7 months out of the year throughout the year but always makes it back for things like birthdays and Christmas and family occasions. I know the distance in taking its toll on my mum but ever since I found out she was having an affair with one of her colleagues where she works in at school, I’ve been devastated.
I found out one night when I was using her phone to text my Dad, I always use her phone as mine is not free and it burns all my credit. A message popped up on her phone, when I saw the word love in the message I thought it was from my dad and opened it but realised it was not and there were so many messages from this man and she was responding in a way that I knew this was not just flirtation.
I immediately confronted her and she actually broke down and told me everything. That my Dad no longer makes an effort and does not call and said he can’t come home this year for her birthday.
I think she feels he may also be having an affair but I just don’t know what to do. This secret has really affected me. I asked her to stop seeing him and she said she would but I don’t believe her. I can’t understand how she could so easily do this to my Dad just because of a lack of attention. What do I do?
Helena
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Dear Helena,
Even though these are your parents, the same rules still apply where relationships are concerned and that is don’t sides or make assumptions. The only two people that know what is going on in the relationship are your parents.
If you know someone your mum is close to in the family confide in them to help you carry the burden of what you have found out and see if they can speak with your mum.
If your mum wants to end her marriage she may continue with the affair but it is very unlikely she will stop seeing the man as the reason she started in the first place is still an issue.
Hope this helps!
All the best
SassyChic!
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected], we will keep your identity anonymous.
It is not your place to tell you dad anything . Let your mum do it and dont take any sides . Let them solve it themselves. And if I were you I will not be seeking anybody else on the internet ( I know it hurts, but GET A LIFE) .It should be a close knit family affair.
Helena, u be small gal so u see okoto eyes aa, u think say ebi cane.Ewuraba, ur mother knows what she is going tru.Sometimes, no one can understand what people go tru than themselves.I was kinda pissed off when u said u opened that message.Is it ur fon?The fact that u have seen luv doesnt mean u should read it.Listen, if u ever tell ur dad, wahala is going to break and it will affect u than now.And do u actually know what ur dad is also doing there?Pls. as Cece said, let ur mum disclose it herself and ask for forgiveness because they understand each other best.They met before u were born.Dnt ever be a third person in anybody’s marriage.
if she caught her FATHER doing this, you wouldn’t talk like this!!
This is really a very difficult situation, and I know you feel caught up between your parents. You love both of them, and either way you will hurt both of them when you tell or not. I advice that you stay away from the issue altogether. Pretend and forget you ever read any messages or that your mom actually confessed to you. For all you know, there are bigger problems than what your mom has told you. If their marriage is to end, please don’t let it be from you. You will end up feeling the guilt and pain for the breakage of their marriage, and I know you wouldn’t want that. What you can do is to stay away from your mom physically, and just maintain a close relationship via phone and the internet at least until you are comfortable enough about the whole issue. Pray to God to also give you guidance and wisdom in dealing with this issue. I wish you all the best. Focus on your life, and please forget about parents. Love them regardless of the outcome of the issue!