I have been keeping myself to myself for the last 2 years and it has been extremely difficult. I have not had any physical intimate encounter with a man except for some few toys I have purchased for self pleasure.
I hate these toys and I get mad each time I use them, but that is only after I have achieved what I used them for.
I am doing all these so that I can keep my feeling down and unnoticed. I do not get any sort of turn on from men. In fact my last encounter with a man is more than 3 years ago.
I hate to acknowledge or be seen as a lesbian, but that is all I feel. I get turn on by women and each day, I get more and more attracted to them.
About 2 and half years ago, I had a partner for about 3 months and because my conscience could not carry the burden, I ended the relationship despite the strong feeling of attraction and belongingness.
Despite all the dissatisfaction about being and sleeping with same s*x, I fall back on that feeling all the time. I have tried seeing men to quench my taste for women but it never has worked. I get cold and nothing about men seems to tickle my feeling.
Am I a lesbian or am I simply going through a face of life? Should I accept this as how I was naturally created and go out there to find a female partner or should I continue hiding my feelings and rely on my ever increasing toys? Please advise.
I will advise that you speak to a councillor about this and also if possible, try to disassociate more with woman and rather associate more with men (that is if you do not want your feeling towards them).
Most of such issues are personal and you should be able to have control over your feelings as a person. With the issue of being created as a lesbian, I am not sure if anything like that exist.
More importantly, it is your life, the beauty is yours and so is the happiness, so do what makes you happy as long as you are not causing extreme damage to another person.
If you see having a same s*x partner the best and you can do it in the country you live without problems, go for it, after all life is too short to spend it being unhappy and lonely.
This is just what I think though. Your situation is a sensitive one so having multiple advices will be the best. Let’s see what other GC readers have to say…
Hope this helps
All the best
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