THE BIG DEBATE: Is It Possible To Maintain A Casual Relationship With An Ex-Lover?24 Comments

GC Staff
Posted on 21 Sep 2012 at 5:15pm

Not everyone is fortunate enough to get married to his/her first love. For some of us, we go through several exes before finding our right life partners.  At some point, others even may think they have found the right partner, get married, and later find themselves divorced.  For some of us, we run through a few hurdles before settling down with our Adam or Eve.

Some of my relationships have ended not because I had a fight or any bitter encounter with my exes.  One of my relationships ended because my partner was not ready for marriage.  Another ended because I traveled out of the country.

In instances like these, I tend to keep a friendship with the ex.  I trust myself enough to know that it is over, and that nothing sexual can ever happen between us as friends.  With that idea in mind, I have been able to maintained friendship with my exes for years, but down the line I met my current husband.

He is a great guy and loves me to death, but he doesn’t believe that I should continue to keep such relationships.  I questioned his trust for me, and he insisted it wasn’t about trust.  He said he trusts me, but not those involved in the relationship.  I know who I am, and I know I can keep such relationships my exes without being intimate with them.

However, my husband doesn’t seem to agree with me.  I don’t want to stir up any misunderstanding and arguments in my new marriage, so I have agreed to put a stop to all the friendships I currently maintain with my exes.

My question and the big debate is; is it possible for one to maintain a genuine friendship with an ex? Or do you think it is just a matter of time and something disastrous would happen when one keeps exes as friends?

Have you been able to keep exes as friends?  What happened? What is your take on this?




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  • Adjoa Nbaaso)

    Well I don’t like the idea of staying friends with an ex because old fire-woods can easily get caught with fire.Especially with females, we get too vulnerable around our exes and anything can go down so its best to avoid them.On the other hand, it all depends on the individuals.

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    GC staff Reply:

    @Adjoa Nbaaso), You are right on both points you made that old firewood can easily catch fire, and that it all depends on the individual. I can say with pride that I have come very close with my exes, and nothing happened because for me when I say it is over, IT IS OVER!!! Thanks for your view.

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    B.B Reply:

    @Adjoa Nbaaso), yes it depends on the individual. i always tell myself, forward ever backwards never. so yeah, i can remain friends with an ex but i know for sure i cant get it in with an ex.

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    Adjoa Nbaaso) Reply:

    @B.B, True, the moment you keep going back to ur exes, they dont have enough respect for you because they assume you cant move on and will see that as your weak point.Someone said “Ur ex is a example of what you dont want anymore”

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  • B.B

    Am still friends with my ex. Of course my husband didnt like it but I explained to him, he was in my life before i met him and i ended the previous relationship b’cos i knew i couldnt be a long term thing and there’s no need for him to feel insecure. Husband is ok with me keeping in touch with the ex  and i make sure i remain open so that he knows whats going on.

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    Adjoa Nbaaso) Reply:

    @B.B, Awww sexy wifeyyy..lol!!

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    B.B Reply:

    @Adjoa Nbaaso), lol

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  • jessi

    yes very possible,infact we do have such a good relationship that i didnt mind connecting him to one of my very good friends,she does not know that i have dated him before and he and i intend to keep it that way,but i have told him that i will come for his head if he ever hurt her,well i know he wouldnt because he is one the perfect gentlemen i have ever met.

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  • Frog

    I don’t think is a bad thing I mean ur ex was once upon a time the centre of ur world.If the split up did not leave any bad blood,then it is alright to have a gud friendship

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  • nat

    i never befriend exes. even if we broke up on good terms. i cannot trust myself with an ex. i broke up with someone once, later the person requested we go out for a drink (as friends), the next day i woke up in the persons house fully aware of what happened the night before (i don’t drink, so i cannot say i was drunk), and that was the end of a  relationship i had started with a very sweet person cos i’m not comfortable playing here and there. after about 4 months we broke up again

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    Yaa Reply:

    @nat, again it comes back to the individual. You have to know who you are and be able to trust yourself enough to know whether or not something will happen. In your case, you mentioned that you don’t trust yourself, and that is a good reason to stay far away from your exes. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. 

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  • jsexy

    To avoid temptation i will say NO!! ok, u can maintain it on hello hello basis but anything more than that can be disastrous, prevention is better than cure, BEWARE!!!!!

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  • Nana Ama

    well,….im not sure its an entirely bad idea,but then its good either,…,,it has its pro’s & Con’s….my EX,,,& broke up due to distant issues,….we tried being “friends”….which was working out until we decided he comes out here to visit,….& hmmmm  old flames die hard,lol….. flirting with each other….& all…then he met some1 some few months later,…he still insisted on being friends,..but i knew myself & hw much i fall under that guys spell & so did he….we decided to do e mature thing,,let it go,cuz we couldn’t trust  ourselves being friend……As much we cherished each other the right thing needed to be done……….

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    Yaa Reply:

    @Nana Ama, thanks! You both knew the danger when you meet, so you decided to let go to avoid any trouble. Great job my dear. 

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    Yaa Reply:

    Thank you all for your input. Some may agree and others may not. I still believe it depends on the individual to be able to decide whether or not he/she would want to be friends with an ex. However, if keeping a friendship with an ex will create problems for me in my current relationship, I would just forget and let the ex go! 

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  • Eugenia

    I dont think its a good thing to still be friends with ur exes cos once he/she is gone ..end of story cos u were not compatible so forget abt them(exes) completely n move on with sone who deserves you

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  • ben

    To the ladies, this is from a man point of view… if you have found a new love and you are happy with it, stop sticking around with ur ex…. Men are extremely jealous of their partners exes cos they know they themselves can equally and easily get back into the pants of their exes…. A little feeling of bringing your exes issues into your relationship means trouble..

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    Yaa Reply:

    @ben, thanks Ben for bringing your point from a man’s view. I somehow agree with what you said. Men are jealous, and continuing to keep a friendship with an ex may stir up some troubles in the current relationship. 

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  • Dr Miyagi

    well good sex doesn’t convince someone to stay in a relationship for very long. Eventually their sexual desires and cycles calm down or are satisfied by something else equally good or better. 
    founding any relationship on sex (even a f*ck buddy) is a bad idea. Seriously, even f*ck buddies/FWB need to have SOME mutual respect and understandings otherwise they’ll eventually butt heads and get into disagreements over something else. Never make sex the foundation of a relationship. Sure, it can be important maybe even fundamental, but never foundational. To me its a bad idea there is a reason he/she became your ex 

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  • Apple

    Not a good idea…ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN..

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  • nikkidee

    @Dr. Miyagi…. vell well spoken. you’ve explain it all and certainly as you stated there is a reason as to why they became your ex.

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    Dr. Miyagi Reply:

    Thank you my dear@nikkidee,

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  • RocklynLove

    I dont think its a good idea…. bein friend with ur ex can possibly cause somthin in ur new relationship with others…. ur ex can advice u sometimes n that can make u think he is better than de new 1…. 

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  • Maame Kuukua Wilson

    I don’t think is a bad idea but trust me, some of them can ruin your current relationship if u are not careful about the things u discuss with them.

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