You know when Nigerians say ‘My eyes have seen my ears’?
That is what happened to me last week when my friend Natasha decided to set me up with some random bloke.
Since she claimed I had been single too long, she came telling me flamboyant stories about this really ‘great’ guy who would love to meet me and whom I would like because according to her, he is ‘my type’!!
Tasha as I affectionately call her proceeded to nag me till I agreed to meet this man. So we set up a date. I dodged the first date but this guy calls me up one evening talking about a really cool jazz concert in town. I said of course I’d love to go.
So first of all we schedule for 5 pm but dude shows up at 7. And I am angry already like did this guy seriously make me wait 2 hours for him? And just as I got tired and was about to slip out of my evening dress, he appears so I am forced to keep calm. Grinding my teeth in chagrin. Even more so when my eyes took in his appearance. Eiii, Bo ne! Is it khaki jumper this man is wearing?
Brown khaki jumper paa with blue suede shoes!!! And a huge Bob Okala watch.
We exchange pleasantries and drove off in his ‘my father was once rich’ Benz. Hmmph!
Luckily for us, we arrived just as the concert was starting so we didn’t miss anything.
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While the concert was ongoing, everyone was calmly enjoying the music but ‘uncle’ was drinking all the kasapreko they were serving at the event and chatting as loudly, spitting in my face anytime he turns my way to talk.
I bite all my comments back into my mouth and endure. Although I love jazz, I was closely watching the clock…
Finally show ended at 10 pm and I grabbed my purse immediately almost shouting NO! When he asked if I would like a quick drink before we head home.
But I guess my woes were far from over, we walked to the parking lot, got into the car, he sparked it and it wheezes, coughs, jumps and goes silent!
Amanie hunu! Now the parking lot is filling up with people from the concert and this man’s Benz won’t spark to save a life!
We sat there trying to ignite it for several minutes with no joy. Finally I removed my shoes and sat on the pavement waiting. Some young men including the security men in the parking lot soon gathered round and helped me push till the car sparked.
When we got to my house, I thank him ‘bokoo’ and ran upstairs never to show my face again. As for Natasha, I almost knocked her head in for putting me through that.
Imagine my first blind date, how bad could it get? I laughed so hard in my room I had tears running down my cheeks. It was worse than BET’S ‘Hell Date’ only it was actually real!
Have you ever been on a blind date? How did it go? Did you have more fun than I did? Tell me about it!