BIG QUESTION: Are Black Men Afraid Of Successful Women?

It seems to me that this is the most discussed topic among peers today. But is this assertion true? Are black men afraid of successful women or is this merely an excuse many successful women pull or would like to live with? Well, I will like to believe that the former is true: indeed black men are afraid of successful women. Why?

This is simple, African or black men are proud species. They mostly like to be in control of things or would rather mentally think they run things even when they do not. (Truly, this has been so since antiquity). Many will agree with me that even if a woman brings home the bread the African man would never allow a woman to wear the trousers. No, no. 

I recently read a piece on the internet on the same topic “Are black men afraid of successful women?  by Dementia L. Lucas.  Although, the piece was a good read, I totally disagreed with Miss Lucas’ assertion on all levels.

In her piece she asserted that most black men( will-be Barack Obama types) would love to have successful women ( could be Michelle Obama types) by their side any day but half the time these women find themselves consumed with work that they don’t see these men worthy of them.  Maybe this may be true of the men Miss Dementria meets in her parts of the world (the West) but never in our parts of the world (Africa).

Realistically speaking, most African men if given the chance to choose between a successful woman and one who is not so success driven will obviously go in for the latter.

Why? Because most men (especially men I know) tend to think that successful women of today are self consumed (too full of themselves), proud and stuck up, PERIOD!

Some men also hold the view that it is not the success that worries them but rather, it is the way success affects the personality that could be the problem for them.

I am not an authority on this topic, but really like I always say opinions are like noses and we are all entitled to ours. So, I ask, do you hold the view that black men are intimidated by successful women like me or you think otherwise?

What is your experience and take on this?

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In my own opinion black men are not afraid of successful women but the moment a woman realise that what a man can do she can also do it,the man will then lose his respect in the family as the head,and also what i seen about these so called successful women is that they don,t want men to decide for them,they want to take their own decision but what i know is that women can suggest but the final authority is the man because of that majority are without husbands.They should change their attitude.

Maame Yaa says:

@Martin Asante, Seriously, nobody in this century wants anyone to decide for him/her. Even the stone age men used not to do that. Everyone works hard to achieve autonomy. Parents have stopped deciding for their children. The ONLY man with the final authority is God. Honestly, in my 23 years on this planet, I’m yet to meet any well educated man who would want to impose a decision on his wife.

biz says:

a its a fat lie, black men are not afraid of successful women, the fact is that black successful women disregard, disrespect and dishonor black men when they successful… thats what keeps us away from them… we wont take that since in black communities men are known to be the highest voice…

Maame Yaa says:

@biz, In my opinion, all women can “disrespect. disregard and dishonor” any man. Let me ask you one question; per your own words, since the “men are known to be the highest voice” in black communities, don’t you think they probably disregard, disrepect and dishonor black women? I just wish you will define highest voice. So in other words, what you are saying is that ‘unsuccessful’ women regard, respect and honor black men? This cannot be the reason to keep you away from any successful woman because all women are bound to exhibit any of the above mentioned behavior some point in time.

Do you know the most common negative attitude of most Ghanaian women? It’s pretense; most of them, unlike plants, function very well under unfavorable conditions. You can never truly know what they are capable of doing/saying unless the status quo is changed in their favor. In almost every home in Ghana, men are in total control so the women in turn put up their best attitude, respect a lot and humble their hearts. But this doesn’t mean that they can’t, don’t, or won’t exhibit any of the behavior that throws you off.

Consider this life fact. Remember when you were a little boy and dad and mum used to do everything for you? You used to obey all the rules in the house no matter how much you hated those rules. I want to bet if you will obey any of the rules now that you are not dependent on them. They are probably obeying your rules now. When people attain independence, they don’t take rubbish from no human. When you are under someone, you normally can’t voice out your feelings anyhow. A bullet won’t fire without a trigger. If you disrespect any successful woman, she will give you her piece of mind because she believes respect must be mutual. The unsuccessful woman will keep quite not because she respect you or what you are saying but rather she doesn’t want to spoil where her daily bread comes from.

When given enough security and opportunity, you will know what these unsuccessful women are capable of. Go to Columbus and see illiterates, semi-educated and uneducated literates threating their husbands with 911 calls and talking to them like little children. Where do the highest voice of men go in this situation? Mind you, that’s not how they were in Ghana before these men brought them to the US. Should they have run away from them? Or let’s say they didn’t know that unsuccessful women could be so disrespecful. *wink*

Your reason for staying away from successful women does not hold water and I don’t buy it. And as a matter of fact, it’s not all successful black women who like to voice their opinions (they hardly speak) yet black men get intimidated. It all comes down to superiority complex; that’s why black men are afraid of successful black women.

Afrak says:

Just an observation this lady in the photo looks too known paa

Maame Yaa says:

Most African men are indeed, intimidated by successful black women. It will interest you to know that, these men are not afraid of successful white women. I don’t understand why this is so or perhaps I refuse to understand. Any kind of success (whether financial, academic or social) is like a threat to them. I went to Ghana recently (July to be precise) and I couldn’t keep my encounter to myself so I shared it with my friends and I’m glad to share it here too.

One Ghanaian guy that I know very well, walked up to me when I went to town with my big sis and we started a conversation about our childhood. We went to the same primary school and he used to call me his wife. It’s been a long time since we saw each other. He asked me which university I was attending and what my major was. I told him I was a double major and will graduate in a few months. He jokingly told me that he would do his PhD if he would marry me and his shocking reason was that he has to be more educated than me. Why do African men think that they always have to be more educated than their partners? Could it be that they are intimidated by successful black women.

A woman can treat a man and a man can treat a woman; at least that’s what I know. Too bad, most African men don’t agree with me. How did I know that? Well, I went to the restaurant with this female friend of mine whose boyfriend happens to go everywhere with her. My crime was to foot the bill. He told his girl that I was too known and has no regard for men. I confronted him and he was like, “I’m a man!” and I responded that he is a man to my friend not me. He was like, “that’s the problem with women like you; you have an answer to anything a man will say”. Who made that rule that men should pay when they go out with women? One thing about successful women is that, they like to speak their mind and most African men don’t like that. They want their say to be respected if not final. Successful women like to pay for their own buying so of course, this kind of guy is going to be intimidated by any successful woman. With his cheap shirt and twisted mouth which speaks no sense, he can’t even date one!

Can it get any worse? Yes of course! Obviously, it’s very hard to find any female Trotro driver in Ghana and Africa as a whole. I stand to be corrected since I’ve not been to many parts of Africa. Whilst in Ghana, a family friend who is a male visited us and I was supposed to drop him off. When we got to the car, he offered to drive and I insisted he should sit down so we could go. He informed me that men drive women around in Ghana and I chipped in that the opposite is true where I’m coming from. I also added that, the Trotro rule doesn’t apply to my personal car. I want to know if it’s an insult for a black woman to drive an African man. Will the reaction be different if it was a white woman? Why do African men always want to be the one to drive the women around?

This last one is very funny but very true. My own boo asked me why I don’t ask him for money. Yes, you heard me right. I manage with whatever I have in my account and I always seem to have enough in it so there is no need to ask for anyone’s money. Obviously asking him for money makes him feel like a man. These are the same men who complain when they date a needy girl who asks for too much. Yet they don’t feel like men when their women don’t ask them for money. They feel intimidated by women who don’t ask them for money. Most African men love to have the power and the control as bread winners.

I don’t want to go into details with this but black men seem to get intimidated with the kind of people their women hang around with. If the friends are influential and successful, then they have a problem with the friendship. If they don’t even feel comfortable when their women hang around successful women, what makes anyone think that they will be better if the successful women is their own partners? A guy from my school told his friend (who wanted to try his luck with me) that he needs a tripple degree to handle me. I don’t remember posting that requirement anywhere.

`madam social says:

@Maame Yaa, hmmm very deep

Evelyn says:

@Maame Yaa, you are so right, had a similar experience , swearing off unsecured African men till I can find some one who can handle me. Anyway nice story. Lol

dove says:


Think maame yaa, has made some good points, although being a woman i’m gonna stand up slightly for the guys lol. I think whilst its true you’ll find men like maame desribed, i think equally you’ll find guys who appreciate women who are successful. (i’m avoiding all the women sounding misandrous on  here lol)
 I lived in ghana in the 90’s, i was really young but i still saw men married to women with high status in the community.  Some black are perfectly fine with this, i think for the black man particularly the african man, it is particularly hard, through generations and generations they’ve been taught the man is the breadwinner and head of the household, it is very difficult to break out of this mold.

I think the article mentioned about women being deemed to be stuck up when successful, i personally dont think so.  they just have higher expectations from a guy,  they wont be settling down for any tom, dic or harry.  and why should they?

Evelyn says:

@dove, I agree with you to an extent, yes the black man especially the African man believes he is the head of the family but this is the 21st century and living abroad has changed my perspective on so many things, here most men are not so much intemedated by a strong, successful woman, unlike most African men who are intemedated by a successful woman. Believe me am talking from experience.

Evelyn says:

I agree with you, Iive in abroad and dated someone in africa when I was on vacation. It did not work out because he was intimedated by me being financially stable than he is and also being a strong woman with my own view, he could not handle me. African men are very different in their thinking.

Shauntie says:

They are!!! I was with a Ghanaian guy 4 2yrs… I live in Scandinavia…I “have” and he “didnt” have alot, and he couldnt deal with that! I never rubbed anything in his face, but he just couldnt deal… Typical African male Black Pride…im so over Black men…. Men u need 2  appreciate a successful WOMAN!

Carly says:

Just thought of this… You guys should put up a post of Ghanaian celebrity engagement/wedding rings… I am just curious to see the styles and designs.  I came across a pic of Menaye and noticed how beautiful her ring is… Just something fun to post about.

GC Staff says:

@Carly, we will try and do that for you but in the meantime you have to contribute this post. What do you think. We will love to hear your opinion on this, please.

Kojokwei says:

No I am not, my wife is a very successful woman . Before I met her , I was into a small business, but she has brought in the female clients on a larger scale and our business has skyrocketed . I really admire successful women my mother being an example . I know a lot of single successful women and I personally am not intimated by what they contribute to boost an idea or business . Fellas step up your game .1 

elle says:

@Kojokwei,its not ur wifes bizz its ur bizz and she helped u out, but what did she do b4 thats? does she have her own house and car? did she pay for them herself? my aunt has alot of money she a plastic surgeon at a private hospital in Vancouver, has 2 cars and 2 houses, ive herd alot of men say wow ur aunt is s*xy ass hell but she doesn’t need anything from a man coz a man cant offer her anything, men are afraid to approach her, coz they cant talk to her when she is drives her Bentley up to the gas station they just stare.    

Akua says:

@Kojokwei, You are are good man then my dear. Good for you. Women can bring in a more clients and we have wisdom too. Though, I know not many men will agree with me on the fact that women have wisdom.

Akua says:

I think black men are definitely afraid of black successful women especially our African men! What they fail to understand is that, as partners we are not in competition with each other, but rather in partnership. This exhibited by black men around black successful women is often what ruins the relationship. I have had the experience, and know friends and family who have experienced or are experiencing this inferiority complex from our men on success of a black woman.

elle says:

@Akua, huni i think its men in general coz they are ment to be hunter gatherers and we’re ment to be home makers, but yet we tend to be self sufficient and in most cases i see even doing better than them  

Akua says:

@elle, you are right my dear. It’s men in general. I guess I referred to our men in particular because it’s them that I, friends and family have hanged out with and experienced this issue.

Shauntie says:

@Akua, so true!!

B.B says:

@Akua, Well said my dear. 

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