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My heart was beating so fast, I was in shock; I couldn’t fathom what had just happened. Michael clinched to me so tight and tears were flowing freely, even my nose was running. We had to go to the hospital and identify his body, my world had just crumbled down and I felt I was about to lose my sanity. Words alone cannot describe the feeling, it was intense and I couldn’t think straight.

Driving to the hospital was the longest drive I have ever experienced, we were quiet and I was deep in thoughts. We got to the hospital and we were told Ben’s vehicle collided with a Mini Commercial bus, there were people wailing all over. Michael held my hands; I didn’t want to be the one to identify my beloved’s body, so Michael went alone.

I looked around and blamed myself, maybe I had bad luck, what if I had not come back into his life? The guilt was too much for me to deal with, my heart was heavily burdened, and my strength was gone. I shut my eyes and I made a deal with God not to take his life and I will forever serve him. Michael came back howling, he couldn’t make him out since his face had been badly ruptured. I held my chest and went on my knees I felt so dizzy and weak, I passed out immediately.

When I gained consciousness I realized it wasn’t a dream, my heart missed a beat, I told Michael to take me home. We both turned our phones off; I picked my note pad and wrote a note in memory of Ben:

My life was meaningless when I met you after so many years

You made me believe in love, the love memories shared was brief but will forever be cherished

You spark life in me and fill my heart with joy

You didn’t care about the world but made me your priority

If only I can see you one more time, I will tie you down with a ring in the sight of God

I don’t know my next step, I’m not sure if anyone can fill your place

A part of me has been taken away forever and I can’t express how I feel in words

I don’t want to accept that you are gone

I love you so much that it hurts badly my love

Jesus, please take this load, I can’t bear it on my own

When we got to my apartment, it felt heavy; the dinner table was still intact on the terrace. Michael didn’t want to leave me all by myself, I walked to the terrace area and picked the wine on the table and smashed it with all my strength, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t get hold of myself. Michael clinched to me like a baby, I was so fragile.

He was sure I would commit suicide that night if I was left alone, he insisted we go to Ben’s place and spend the night, I turned down the offer, I just wanted to be left alone, Michael wouldn’t take no for an answer, he lifted me up away from the broken glasses. We walked to the car; I was so pale with no strength. I sat at the back and placed my head on the other seat. Memories of our first date after meeting on face book flashed in my mind.

Tears were running down but I didn’t mind, I wanted to bring my emotions out but I couldn’t, I guess I was going crazy. I lost the love of my life, the guy who knew me when I had not developed, when I wasn’t pretty but loved me with so much passion when I was just a normal kid, the guy who left his girlfriend for me. I was his missing rib, now it’s all over. How do I move on? How do I get out of this depression?

By: Newlyn Dei-Tutu

GC Life 101 is a feature on GhanaCelebrities.Com. This looks at various life realities in short story forms as we try to entertain, educate and inform our readers on a variety of life experiences. Articles for GC Life 101 will be filed under Blog.

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