MY EXPERIENCE: Looking For A ‘Free Show’, Cheap Girls & A Dancing Club, Go To The Church


Gradually, I have lost interest in religion and its cronies such as churches.

Apart from the unsustainability of the arguments for the existence of God and the fact that religion has lost its relevance in contemporary society, its cronies such as churches are not helping in convincing anyone to take the God theory any serious.

Over the weekend, I visited a church for a friend’s wedding and for all the hours I spent in there—I was shocked, bemused and bewildered.

Before I continue with my observation at the church, can I ask why religious people are the most judgmental and seem to also be the most closed minded people on this planet?

My mother and the people that are close to me in life are super religious. Apart from the fact that they are 100% certain that God exists (in the face of all the emerging opposing evidence), they also know what God wants of them in detail—-what to eat, who they should sleep with or not to sleep with and pretty much who may even go to heaven and not.

Despite their many rules which they’ve come to accept as from God, I have no problem with them and see them as mine or human beings first before any other thing. Deep down, I do not give a toss about their beliefs as long as they do not go about forcing them on me and others—-which they can never stop doing.

Even in their entrenched beliefs and strong conviction in faith (believing without evidence), I have no issue with them and I respect them for their stance, though I find it unnecessary and distractive to civilization and the general good of mankind.

However, every religious person I have come across (including my own loving mother) has an issue with me—the moment I say ‘Oh I do not believe in anything resembling a God’. The judgment starts…

If I have accepted them and their superstitious beliefs with ease, why can’t they do the same? Indeed religious people are the most judgmental people on earth.

Now back to my observation at the church…

When did women in mini skirts and dresses, tiptoeing in beyond measure inches of heels become ushers in churches? What?

First, I thought I had entered a church of female giants with everyone almost touching the ceiling, and then I realize they were walking uncomfortably, so I looked down and saw the tallness of their heels.

Forgive me for the phrase ‘cheap girls’ in my headline if it hurts the sacredness of the church. Whiles forgiving a sinner like me for yet another sin, answer this for me. Why has the church not crucified these indecent women exposing their every bit in the house of the Lord?

Any argument that those in charge of the church have probably not seen them will not hold. Because they jumped unto the stage (high table area), sang loudly and danced all manner of Azonto backed by constant screaming—which terrified the little white boys who sat next to me (I am sure they were there for the wedding too).

Maybe I have missed the orderly nature of the church and the comforting atmosphere of decency that it had back in the days that I used to recite the ‘whole’ bible in front of the congregation.

And why must we give out money 2, 3, or more times in the church? Is giving out once not enough anymore? Must everyone be pulled out row by row as if they were invading tax? We know ‘God loves a cheerful giver’ but He did not say he hates a non-giver.

The pulling of individuals row by row leaves those who cannot afford petrified and paints disgrace all over their faces, defeating any rational of ensuring orderly movement during the time of offering.

If the church is genuinely looking to ensure order, then it must start with the jumping around in high heels.

A woman nearly punched a hole in my foot with her heels. It is unfortunate that she missed because I would have been ‘balling’ rich from the church’s insurers—they better have one for such gross disregard for health and safety in their premises.

Another thing I observed at the church was how loud it has become.  As if the multiple shouting by all manner of throats is not enough to break your ear drum, they’ve added ‘super turbo’ speakers to the game.

Placed not far from each other and right above the heads of people, the shouting and screaming got loud and louder—once again, I was trembled with fear and melancholy.

So the church has been doing some pretty ‘useless’ investments…I asked myself. These loud speakers and wireless mics which enabled the indecently dressed singers to do their Azonto freely on stage must have cost a lot.

Why am I even worried about money when it comes to the church. After all, it continues to enrich itself and those in charge by extorting its deluded followers.

Interestingly, it seems the men are getting more decent in the church, wearing their neat tuxedos and well polished shoes which can pass for mirrors. When it comes to the women, the various nigh clubs will even beat them on a decency level.

I will be lying if I say I did not enjoy anything at all in the church. I surely enjoyed those black stretch mark-thighs and compressed ‘booties’ packed in tight mini dresses which paved way for the body contours of the holy women to display in elegance. I will surely go back to enjoy the n*kedness of the church women as they sing and dance ‘Praise the Lord’, the Azonto style.

If you think I am a pervert, fine! I just hope you think and say the same about the pastors who were there too, because they were equally not blind.

Even though I will love to see religion go into deep recession and finally extinct, I have always argued that the church as a body (structure) should be maintained—for its architectural and literary excellence/significance.

I also love the sense of community-ship and union the church offers. But nowadays, the clubs even do better than the churches and you spend more in churches than in the clubs, anyway.

Since the various ontological arguments are quickly falling apart, the best the church could have done is to entice people with a decent scheme of operation. But it seems to have lost that fight too.

Soon it will all be over—and humanism will take over. We will all then live ethical and fulfilling lives on the basis of reason and humanity.

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Chris-Vincent Agyapong Febiri is the Founding Editor of GhanaCelebrities.Com , a Film Critic and a Human Rights Advocate; he holds 2 masters degrees in Law; International Human Rights Law (LL.M) and Legal Practice Course (LL.M) from University of Leicester and Nottingham Law School--and also a degree in Law (LL.B) from University of East London. He's a Professional Truth Sayer and he is the author of the popular eBook “Success is a Right, Not A Privilege.” He currently works at Fortwell Solicitors in London--where he uses his legal brains to kick real ass, for the good of clients and humanity. Contact:

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