Some people wrote a long list of things to ‘achieve’ in 2013 and the first thing on their list was to get out of singlehood and hopefully by the end of 2013, be in a meaningful relationship.
Well, 2013 is almost coming to an end and they’ve not gone past a second date to even gain the ‘relationship’ status. The primary reason for some not achieving that aim is due to high expectations we place on the ideal man/woman we intend going into relationships with.
As much as this may sound a bit weird, some people like a mirror of themselves – that is they prefer people who are exactly like them and like the same things as they do, has similar career aspirations, has the same exact morals, and has the same future vision.
They tend to forget that, each and every one of us grew up in different households, societies and with different morals and values so having a replica of you is simply not possible. While having some similarities and sharing the same passion with someone may be important, it is extremely hard to find who is exactly like you.
As humans, because of past experiences, we tend to rule in or out some particular ‘type’ of people in our ‘list’ and add on to what we expect the next person to be and should do. Sometimes we pile all our unresolved frustration on the next lady or gentleman and expect them to behave according to ‘our rule of thumb’.
You definitely cannot hold on to a man/woman for too long with this attitude. It can cause all sorts of tension and frustration in a relationship when people are trying their hardest but still can’t please you. They just let go because it appears they’re just wasting their time.
We envision/fantasise dates in our mind’s eye and if it usually doesn’t go the way we dreamt it, the night/day was a total bust. First dates are normally awkward (from any angle you look at it) and things rarely happen the way it should be.
It is never a super-smooth affair. If after the first date, there was no ‘satisfaction guaranteed’ and the desire is not there to see the person again because of ‘immaterial’ reasons – maybe you set the bar really too high for even yourself. Fantasies and fairy tales belong to the movies and soap operas not this 21st century hustle and bustle of life.
If you’re looking for someone to complete you, then I’m sorry you have a lot of learning to do and you’ll find yourself nothing short of single. If you’re looking towards someone else to make you happy, you’ll never be completely happy.
Happiness has to come from within before you can even make someone happy. And if you’re the type who expects a lot from other people, your whole life is going to be a series of disappointments, grumbling and complaints. You’re likely to experience conflict and dissatisfaction in everything one has to offer.
What is important in a relationship, instead of having high expectations, is to work on a strong foundation of friendship. Basically, when you start or about to start dating, it is important to not set unrealistic goals for your would-be partner if you do not want to be disappointed. This being said, it is also important to not set the bar too low and be in a relationship that does not fulfil you.
High expectations will inevitably work against you. You might get someone to ‘act’ along (pretenders) and when they’re tired of pretending, they start walking. That might be the time you’re also ‘head over heels’ in love and then you’re left with nothing than heartbreak.
So time to check your expectation list again and start trimming it down – that is if you really want to change status by the end of the year. We’re in September so get to work!