Have you noticed that people who have stayed in relationships or courting for a considerable length of time quickly divorce when they finally ‘tie the knot’? The question I then ask is what quickly changed in marriage that was not noticed after so many years of being in the relationship or courting?

Some people actually live together (thinking Europe) and have kids – during that time everything will be cool. The moment they marry; like magic, they face problems upon problems then they divorce.

Courting before marriage – how long is just too long? Different strokes for different folks. There are people whose marriages ended in disaster even though they courted for a very long time. On the other hand, there are couples who courted for a short period and they’re in blissful marriages.

By all means, courtship is needed but gearing up to do all the ‘wifey’ duties (paying for the milk whilst the cow is in your possession) is definitely going to drag the courting period for donkey years.

It seems the slowest to marry are often the quickest to divorce. Couples who have experienced long courtships filled with heavy drama are the most likely to divorce within only a few years of marriage. Couples who lived together for a long time prior to marriage are increasingly likely to be facing a doomed marriage.

Some don’t even marry after courting for years. One party suddenly discovers that they’re no longer compatible and that becomes the end of the relationship… Why it takes people so long to realise they’re not compatible is something I don’t understand.

It doesn’t have to take a decade before you can know that he or she is not good enough for you. Even three months is enough for you to start seeing symptoms of a bad relationship if you’re very observant (I mean eagle-eyed observant).

Women mostly use age as a factor to pressure men to enter into marriages and sometimes the men are just not ready for all the ‘playing happy family’ stuff. ‘My biological clock is ticking’ is always the chorus they sing; but if that should be a determining factor – you’ll probably be married but in the marriage alone. The men who already have kid/s are the worst offenders when it comes to courtship and marriage. Because they already have children from a previous relationship, they take their precious time when it comes to the issue of marriage.

In my opinion, if you’re really prepared to settle down – a year to two is ideal. Adequate test drive should be done, because trade-ins are not allowed. You buy it, you own it forever (literally). What may be adequate for me may be long term for you but in a nutshell, if a marriage won’t work, it will not …no matter how long the people involved courted. Marriage is not a sympathetic institution. It is not to be endured but enjoyed.

Preparedness to enter into the ‘till death do us apart’ contract should be the determining factor not the length of courting or being in the relationship.

The courtship period – how long is just too long?