One very sad thing I have noticed is if you’re a believer in God and a Christian, taking a position on the pew (being a congregant) does not give you the prosperity and blessings the pastor promises you after sowing all kinds’ seeds and donations to the church.
The limousines and mansions never come forth BUT the moment you take a position in the pulpit, the riches come faster before you can say Jack (that is if you’re very good with good business acumen). Sometimes, especially after struggling so hard and getting so little, your faith begins to waver; you wonder if God is indeed the source of all the wealth….Hmm, the answer is yes! God is the source because we use ‘the’ name to make the money so you’re not defrauding anyone per se but you’re using the sense you’ve been endowed with to create wealth.
Religion is big business. The old orthodox churches were not smart enough to see and thank God for charismatic churches, they have shown the way, the truth and the light to amass stupendous wealth. If life is not going right, why not join the business of starting a church? Just follow this pattern and it shall be well with you.
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A salesman must look the part. Don’t dress shabbily to turn worshippers away. If you cannot afford the immaculate suits you see the ‘I’ve made it’ pastors wear, hope is not lost. Bend down boutique is always available (don’t say God forbid, it is only for now).
Look neat and approachable, change the tone of your voice if applicable (you must be smooth). Get your location (very good one), your megawatts speakers irrespective of the number of members you have. Invest in a good sound system. You need to use a microphone that enhances your voice. Then you need external speakers that will declare your presence in the neighbourhood. It does not matter if your neighbours are not believers or if they consider it a nuisance. Only those with the spirit of darkness are irritated by the spirit of light.
Grab yourself a title…Dr Apostle Prophet……and by all means, please start the church with women, they always have a problem, even if there is none; they’ll create some for themselves. Start tilling the fertile ground with prosperity messages. Tell them how poor you were until you gave all you have and the blessings started pouring in. Never ever forget the tithe envelopes, they’re extremely important in every endeavour of your business journey.
Now the real deal…
I love prophecies, since it works for me it will definitely work for others. You can NEVER run the church business without the title prophet. So, the first skill you should acquire is to know how to prophesy. You really need to be very skilful to do that. You need to understand the patterns in politics and elections, and then you can accurately foretell the future.
The more general the prophecy, the safer. Politicians die, accidents happen, there’re always flooding, you know, things that are really bound to happen – manmade disasters etc. Christians always believe that anything a pastor says is coming directly from God – so go for little things. One bad prophecy can ruin your business for good. So my advice is, if you are not sure how this works, stick to the miracles. Avoid being specific….remember you have not been called to hear from God.
One sure way to show you have the power of God is to do miracles. Simple things like getting a job, owning a house, and getting pregnant are good raw materials for miracles. However, here you need to be careful not to commit a blunder. Don’t out of desperation announce that a man who has been blind from birth and has never known colour suddenly knows which colour is green and which is aquamarine. Or something scandalous like a man who has been deaf from birth and does not know any language suddenly can respond to instructions in English from someone he can’t see. Don’t try to raise the dead or fix cripples. Don’t do risky things like declaring you can cure HIV/AIDS. You just cannot come this far to fail just like that.
I will strongly advise you to go for the safer ones; they’re very low risk miracles. Just say to your congregation that someone will get a new car (whether tatty or not, as far as it’s just bought, it’s still a new car) or in a years’ time someone/couple will welcome a new baby. The chances of someone owning that car or having the baby is very high because a lot can happen within a year and that will be recognised as a miracle by the lucky person/s. They are bound to do the appropriate thing and come for testimonies and thanksgiving
Demons and witches are the cause of every evil thing. When someone is barren (after a year of marriage), jobless, single, poor or sick, it’s always familiar spirits attacking them – so keep that in mind. You need to be adept at casting out these demons and witches. You need to show your power. You need to make an impression.
Don’t worry about where you’ll find demons and witches, create one. Torture a ‘devilish’ looking church member into confession (of course you and I know its intimidation tactics). If you’ve got a ‘clean’ heart and cannot just accuse someone of being a witch – just employ someone to testify to your congregants how he/she was drinking human blood and was restored to normality (or converted into a Christian) by the power of ‘God’ in you. That alone will bring in more congregants because remember you’re building a business to yield profits.
When you have been sufficiently blessed and your business has grown substantially, remember to buy that private jet. It does not matter that your congregants chase trotros and buses to come to church as well as struggle to pay their tithes from their lean salaries. This is the will of God for you: that you prosper.
And how else can you prove your prosperity if you can’t be wasteful and own a private jet? People will talk, allow them to….it is all envy; they have not reached your level – ignore them.
One thing is you’re above the law and the good book says, ‘touch not my anointed’. Whoever tries to touch you will be attacked by your disciples and followers who cannot stand irreverent people persecuting their leader. Remember you’ve imprisoned their mind so anything you say or do is always right.
A little sowing of seed in my life would not go amiss!
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