Prejudice is, as the name implies, the process of “pre-judging” something. We judge a subject or a person without direct experience. This is wrong and harmful because it holds us back in every facet of life such as in relationships, friendships, at the work place and in the society at large. We prejudge people based on past experiences, what we often hear the old folks say about others (stereotyping tribes) or make assumptions about/for people.
Some people are just lucky to have the innocent and sweet looks. When they’re involved in scandals or social vices, they’re prejudged by their ‘sweet looks’ and then they get away with murder. Others are just not blessed with that ‘he/she is not capable of doing that look’ (where I fit in perfectly). If people don’t get to know the person behind the looks, they assume you are exactly what they see.
In relationships/partnerships assumptions can be very destructive. Sometimes we make assumptions because we simply don’t have the time to think something through or do an analysis and check for an understanding. We always make assumptions about people or prejudge them before we even get to know who they really are. We often don’t give people the chance to fully reveal themselves, rather we forcefully identify who they must be and then put them in a box that fits.
How many of us have had the experience where we assume something about someone, but then we later find out something entirely different once we explore further or get to know the person? I can say that I’ve had this happen to me on many occasions, and it has taught me to watch my own filters (not entirely though, because I still prejudge people unconsciously). I miss out on really knowing another person and who they are, what they care about, when I don’t take time to let them reveal themselves, thereby losing valuable and promising relationships. We just don’t have the patient to see the good in people.
On the other hand, I have had my fair share of prejudice (and still being prejudged) – from where I hail from to who I really am…from the eyes of bystanders. This has slowly turned me into a defensive person and I invent problems which don’t exist. Where I come from (through no fault of mine), makes me a candidate of a quarrelsome and an aggressive person, I’m unfriendly (I have the ‘don’t dare come close’ to me look), the school/s I even attended makes me either a lesbian or a husband snatcher, I’m difficult and it goes on and on….
Painting somebody through assumptions/stereotyping/prejudging eliminates the opportunity to know someone who could be really great in your life. Strangers they say are just friends you haven’t met yet. We can’t stop people from prejudging us but when we allow it to mould who we are, we start to lead the lives others expect us to. If not dealt with properly, self-loathing becomes the order of the day.