It’s not a good feeling when we let/allow people wait on/for us. We blame others for leading us on. Whilst waiting for someone to do what we want, we try to make excuses as to why we are either not ready to move relationships to another level or things are not happening as they ought to.
It’s about what you want and how what he’s offering fits into what you want. It’s about making a choice to be at the mercy of one person, or to have your choice of persons. The truth of the matter is people we wait on /for, always thought we’re waiting because we wanted to wait. But that is not what it feels like.
Do you wait for him/her? Do you tell yourself to be patient and let him sort through his issues (sorry to use ‘him’ most of the time; probably because they make ladies hang on them for a long time)? Before he can make the commitment you so much desire?
It’s about making a choice to put your life on hold and “wait” for him as long as he wants you to, or to take your life in your own hands and “date” him for as long as YOU want. We allow people to take advantage of our waiting even though they don’t see it as taking advantage.
They harp on about not being ready and we sit and wait for them to be ready to fulfil whatever ambition we have with them as the centre hold. One thing’s for sure: When you’re “waiting,” the choice you’re making is to NOT make a choice. Your choice is to give up your choices. When you “wait,” you’re letting HIM choose how YOUR life goes. You’re putting your life in HIS hands. You’re saying you have no options but to wait. And it’s not his fault:
- He is not doing anything wrong, he’s just doing what he feels like doing because you have indirectly said you’re ready to wait – by waiting around and hanging on.
- You are where you are because that’s where you want to be
- He figures that if you’re waiting around for him, you’re doing it because that’s all you have going
Time to Read the fine print (terms and conditions apply)
Manufacturers of products are very clever. They boldly write the advantages of the product in bold print and write the disadvantages in fine print (the type you’ll need a magnifying glass to read) because they know people will not bother to read it even though it may be critical to making a decision. When it comes to relationships, the bold print is the person you see and the fine print is ‘one leg in, one leg out’.
If you’re dealing with someone who thinks he/she is super clever, they give their terms and conditions through innuendos and leave it to the other person to code and decode (which makes people a bit dumb). Communication is not all verbal. It’s not just about what you say and do, but also what goes unsaid and not done. Silence does not always mean consent. Some silence means ‘not interested’, so it’s best to read the fine print with better understanding.
The small print is the stuff that undermines your efforts and the relationship and changes the reality of what you’re in. The small print is when you recognise the relationship is on their ‘terms’ and what you need to let slide, both in boundaries, but also in maintaining your own sense of sense.
In the meantime, you need your own terms and conditions – not with fine print, but with clear terms (boundaries) that you reflect in what you do in your relationships.
You have a lot more options Than “Being Patient” And “Giving him/her Time”. The grass is always greener on the other side. What about if he’s never ready…..?