We’ve all been through relationships and breakups. It’s a part of life. Unless you married the first girl/guy you met and ‘fell in love’ with, most of us will have more failed relationships than successful ones. When relationships end, the fight or flight instinct becomes an automatic reaction especially if the other person did not see it coming. After fighting what I’ll call a worthless battle, we sometimes even hate ourselves for acting crazy, hanging around and crying thinking it will change the person’s mind – after the raw emotions subside.
There is a culture in our relationship-obsessed young women’s world that has obfuscated a dark truth: We are so overly focused on fixing our relationships that we have become completely blind to the fact that we’re in terrible relationships. They were just too comfortable to even notice that the relationship has crumbled in the first place. Unfortunately, it’s not healthy relationships people are even going all out fighting for.
When people break up, I believe the reasons fit into two main categories: things you are willing to change and things you can’t. There are some relationships we’ve ended and we ask ourselves why we didn’t fight for it because when we look back, it was petty and silly things we could have worked. People use body odour, not presentable enough and some absurd reasons to leave a relationship (all cosmetic which can be changed). When deciding to fight for a relation or take a very long walk without looking back, it is important to know why the break-up happened in the first place. Based on the reason, you can decide whether to fight and fix the problem, or fly because the situation is beyond your control – the person does not want to be with you anymore.
I know ladies who have cursed (Nyame be tua nika) too many men in their short life and I keep telling them to stop cursing because a man who has moved on with a beautiful family does not look cursed to me. What they fail to understand is a failed relationship teaches us a lot – They are learning experiences and we should hope not to repeat the same mistakes but they fight until they get tired fighting. A self-respecting lady will dust her feet, find the nearest exit and improve on themselves – character wise.
Cajoling someone into coming back to you (in a relationship) can never make you happy especially when being with you makes them miserable because deep down, they wish to be elsewhere. You cannot be happy with a miserable person. So, it’s often best to release them and in doing so…you are also opening a new chapter in your life.
A person cannot be defined by the failure of a relationship but unfortunately some people do themselves this dishonour. The end of anything can also mark the beginning of something new maybe even more beautiful. Everyone has a right to be treated with a degree of respect…no one should mourn the end of a relationship that breaks down, instead of building up.
Starting life again can be done at any age, it can be scary but life begins when we give ourselves permission to live, to love and laugh again. If it’s worth taking a flight, take it; if you think it’s worth fighting for, why not but one needs to pick their battles carefully. It‘s not everything that is worth fighting (and left to me alone, it’s not worth fighting for if the other person is adamant).