There are some people who talk to and treat others mostly in crappy ways but they never for once think ‘what if the shoe is put on the other foot’ i.e. if I am at the receiving end of what I am doing or saying to this person’… Unfortunately, we’ve all been there, done that/received that; but truthfully, nobody owes us, neither is anyone duty bound to be nice to us. When relationships end, do people owe us for what we did for them ‘willingly?’ If you say love is sacrificial, how can you have returns?

Many of us carry the belief that if we love someone, it entitles us to their reciprocation, especially in situations where our lack of boundaries is causing us to effectively punch below our weight with someone who doesn’t treat and regard us as the worthwhile and valuable person that we are. We spend our time being and doing the things that we feel constitute a good person/boyfriend/girlfriend even if some of those things involve us not having boundaries, pretending to love/like what they enjoy doing (denying ourselves outright) and then we feel cheated that we’ve gone to these lengths and that people haven’t reciprocated to the same degree.

For instance, when you are a ‘people pleaser’, there is at the bare minimum, an underlying expectation that in exchange for suppressing ourselves and catering to other people’s needs, expectations and wishes, that in turn, we will receive validation, attention, love etc., or we’ll at the very least minimize conflict, criticism, disappointment, and rejection. What intrigues me actually is how we (try to) please people we’re really not into (or like that much) and mess up with people we really do like?

When you have a toxic person (the type who always takes you on a guilt trip) you end up being burdened with duties and this perennial sense of obligation to be and do the things that will ‘please’ the person, often at your own expense which in reality, you’re not duty bound to do. I believe anything we do for people we are in relationships with should be done willingly and not because we feel obligated to.

People have bought enough stuff and paid for vacations (with monies they sometimes don’t even have) because they want validation and acceptance. When things don’t go their way, they claim they are owed (if you watch Judge Judy, you’ll know what I’m talking about).

You do not owe it to any boyfriend/girlfriend to acquiesce to his/her preferences regarding how you look or dress. However, if you fail to take care of your appearance, you will also not meet men/women with taste/class. When it comes to appearance, you reap what you sow; if you sow indecent dressing, you will reap a reduced pool of decent men/women. Don’t go tattooing (names especially) at places because it tickles his fancy; are you going to laser it off when your next ‘dream man’ comes along and he doesn’t like tattoos?

We have to keep reminding ourselves that we’re not owed love (commitment), marriage, being nice to or being treated right. When people disappoint you, the reality of the situation is you expected too much from them and you calculated your entitlement forgetting to add the probability of a deficit. Too much expectation leads to high level of disappointment which may take longer than necessary to overcome.

Ladies/gentlemen, learn to curb your expectations because…any man/woman that isn’t married to you owes you nothing! Duties and obligations should be done in the right settings; family i.e. mother, father and children – as a father/mother you have an obligation to the home…