As human beings we have our flaws, lifestyles and preferences and we form relationships with others who also come with their own flaws, choices and values in life.
However, there are lifestyles of people we cannot stomach so we most of the time give them conditions to change who/what they are, their values and choices before we can have relationships (and even marriage) with them. But is that not telling somehow to live a life of deceit? You can tell someone to put their house in order before…..but for how long can the person ‘hold on’ to the lifestyle they are new to before they break?
After all, you said ‘keep your finances in order/ put your life in order/follow me to church or my religion before I…..’. Well, he/she did put all that in place. You’ve married him/her – that’s it; contract has ended. You can use rewards and motivators in your young children for a desired outcome but even then, they’ll do your wish not because it will help them in future, but they’re doing it because of the reward they’ll get. How much more a full grown man/woman? Giving them a condition to fulfil before you can do this or that?
Always telling a guy/girl to follow you to church before you agree to marry him/her is very laughable. He’ll follow you alright, marry him – and then call him on Sunday morning to follow you to church and see something. People who feel they have an upper hand or feel the ‘success’ of the relationships lie in their hands often do that.