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Love & Relationship

Fulfilling Certain Conditions Before a Marriage/Relationship…

Black couple Ex

 

As human beings we have our flaws, lifestyles and preferences and we form relationships with others who also come with their own flaws, choices and values in life.

However, there are lifestyles of people we cannot stomach so we most of the time give them conditions to change who/what they are, their values and choices before we can have relationships (and even marriage) with them. But is that not telling somehow to live a life of deceit? You can tell someone to put their house in order before…..but for how long can the person ‘hold on’ to the lifestyle they are new to before they break?

After all, you said ‘keep your finances in order/ put your life in order/follow me to church or my religion before I…..’. Well, he/she did put all that in place. You’ve married him/her – that’s it; contract has ended. You can use rewards and motivators in your young children for a desired outcome but even then, they’ll do your wish not because it will help them in future, but they’re doing it because of the reward they’ll get. How much more a full grown man/woman? Giving them a condition to fulfil before you can do this or that?

Always telling a guy/girl to follow you to church before you agree to marry him/her is very laughable. He’ll follow you alright, marry him – and then call him on Sunday morning to follow you to church and see something. People who feel they have an upper hand or feel the ‘success’ of the relationships lie in their hands often do that.

It may come as a condition for someone to marry you when you do this or that, but the underlying factor is you’re being subtly controlled. Why don’t people go in for what they want and like and live with it/them because how someone manages their way of life is what makes them who they are and until they come to realise that it’s not helping them in anyway or they have to grow out of those habits. You giving them a condition to do what you think is right or what will make them marriageable is buying a problem and headache no painkiller can cure.

Allowing people to be who they are and doing things on their own volition devoid of any ‘condition attached’ always gives a better and truthful result. Giving people conditions to change a lifestyle or do something before….is indirectly telling them until they do that thing, you don’t approve of who they are.

Your intention as a condition giver is that the person carries the lifestyle you want them to live throughout the period of the relationship, but to the person being expected to change, it’s for the period of getting that ring or relationship – at the end of the day, the end result is/will not very pleasant and the person to be hardest hit is the person who gave the condition.

You either accept someone as they are; if their lifestyle does not favour you in anyway, let them be but it’s a big NO to give them a condition to be who they are not. If we come to view ourselves as ‘working to get something’, of course, we want the reward to be earned but we will not find that ‘activity’ worth doing in its own right – whether now or time after. It may be for our own good though but we all like to do things our way and in our own individual time.

It’s foolhardy for one (condition giver) to expect a person to keep up with that act after the ‘reward’ has been earned. As someone said, answering yes sir/madam will not kill me if that is what is required from me if I want something but don’t expect me to continue if I get what I want from you.

 



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1 thought on “Fulfilling Certain Conditions Before a Marriage/Relationship…”

  1. Yeah, it’s stupid to tell someone to do something before you marry them. If I like buying or living a way I find pleasing to my myself….I also want to be in my husbands house so a man telling me to put a stop to it before he marries me is no big deal. I will stop it and continue after you marry me. See the reason why people don’t marry for long. If you don’t like how the person is leave or shut up! Men are the worse when it comes to these conditions and I sometimes ask myself if they think I have never seen a man before or a handsome one at that. I won’t go for what I won’t like neither will I settle for someone who needs to change his ways before I agree to marry them….

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