Redefining Attractiveness | the Women Are ‘Desperately’ CONFUSED

4 min

Black woman


Just like certain things were cool then, but do not today come anywhere close to being coola lot has changed in relation to what creates the needed sense of attraction between men and women, capable of starting or sustaining a relationship.

Over the weekend, I caught up with two old school mates from Adisadel College in London, one I have not seen for over 10 years. The reunion created a ‘funfair of conversations’, sharing with each other what we’ve learnt, come across and have studied since we departed College.

From political philosophy to moral philosophy, and from Religion to International Politics via Egyptian History, we took turns to share our views on various world developments. Though we hardly agreed on anything, we respected the many views that were expressed—and somehow, we landed on the discussion of today’s women.

On this subject, we all quickly agreed that gradually most men including ourselves have been hit by a new wave of what amounts to attractiveness, leaving behind what some years back were enough to get any of us considering a relationship with a woman.

Taking our minds back and searching for answers, we looked at how just some few years ago; the appearance (beauty) of a woman was the strongest defining factor in catching our attention. Nothing really mattered then, men would talk endlessly about a ‘FLY’ girl they’ve met, whose beauty transcends anything capable of being used as a measure.

It was those beautiful women with fine legs, faces, long weaves, fake nails and eye lashes who were crowned Queens in the hearts and minds of men. We couldn’t stop laughing about the number of hours we wasted in College, hanging out with many of such women as we enjoyed our ‘superficial’ in and out relationships with these beauties—then called, ‘epitome of beauty’.

But things seem to have changed, not just for the 3 of us who sat down to delve into this but for the many men we know and from the many views we’ve come across. And all of us wanted an answer to the question; what changed?

Strangely, what is attractiveness in the sense of having the pull force to draw a man’s attention to a woman has totally changed—with a woman’s appearance no more sitting on top of the scale of preference.

Today, I do not turn my neck to look when a beautiful woman passes me or shake hands with me at a meeting. However, I gravitate towards what comes out of a woman’s mouth and her excellence—not as in sweet words but the brainpower and the sort of conversations a woman can hold.

Intellect and self-awareness, backed by a woman’s ability to be part of a well-meaning discourse and stay true to her natural state have become the new form of attractiveness, pulling the best of men on the table.

The most beautiful and expensively dressed woman at the party does not get her phone number taken anymore, but the feminists and those walking with boundless philosophical and political knowledge get their numbers taken—over and over again.

And even the remaining men who are in search of short term relationships and do not care of what is packed in the head of women over look what we’ve always known as beauty, going straight for those women rocking natural hair with neatly cut nails—here too, there has been a change.

Indeed, a lot has changed with time but I never thought of a day when what is in a woman’s mind would have enough power such that it could define her relationship with the opposite s*x. It is here today, and the men adore this new set of women, appearing everywhere in the world.

Though the line has been drawn and those who have crossed it are enjoying the new world created by the sort of importance we attach to knowledge, considerable number of women are still in offside positions—investing heavily in weaves, expensive appearances and all those things that have lost the pull factor on men. And they wonder why no one is giving them attention anymore…

Beauty and attractiveness have been redefined and majority of today’s men are riding on the new wave to make some of the most important relationship decisions. However, this remains unknown to certain women who continue to throw in the meat bait when all the fishes have become vegetarians—leaving them desperately confused as to why they are not making a catch.


Chris-Vincent Agyapong Febiri, Founding Editor
Chris-Vincent Agyapong Febiri is the Founding Editor of GhanaCelebrities.Com , a Film Critic and a Human Rights Advocate; he holds 2 masters degrees in Law; International Human Rights Law (LL.M) and Legal Practice Course (LL.M) from University of Leicester and Nottingham Law School--and also a degree in Law (LL.B) from University of East London. He's a Professional Truth Sayer and he is the author of the popular eBook “Success is a Right, Not A Privilege.” He currently works at Fortwell Solicitors in London--where he uses his legal brains to kick real ass, for the good of clients and humanity. Contact:


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  1. yes! well said. even if a woman has all the nice booty, legs or whatever, the intellect should march all those as well. ladies do the same when looking for a man!

  2. Excellent piece Chris. I love your articles and the way you write is unique. I am a woman in my mid 30s who can say I have a lot to put on the table when it comes to education and knowledge. At work and most places, I get the highest attention when together with my friends we meet people and engage in discussions. So truely, a lot has changed about what men want in women.

    Sharing this. By the way, where in London do you live?

  3. I won’t discriminate bcos i no go sch b4 so, i dey cry, English no gud n me atalk little smoll smoll, education man is not like me. bat i get Afia nyansa so God go give mie president to marie. Amen.

  4. You cannot just hate Chris. At one minute he is upsetting you with his anti-religion and pro-homos*xual articles and at the other minute he makes you smile as a woman with great pieces like this. Chris wo ye Guy lol

    1. Hate is pretty much heavy word for a fellow human being, don’t u think? We agree n disagree, argue n quarrel, whatever, but hate is for the devil’s heart. gart it?

  5. This may be true to Chris but the fact remains, physically attractive women will always get more attention from men than the intelligent woman who isn’t as easy on the eye. That’s how it has always been and will always. Men would prefer to have women with both brains and the beauty but if push came to shove the vast majority would choose beauty over brains.

    I’ve heard this statement too many times from my friends, “She’s amazing… She would be the perfect wife but I don’t find her attractive.”

    Men rarely sit down to discuss how intelligent a woman is but certainly sit and talk about how hot she is. And when we do talk about how intelligent, articulate, pleasant mannered or bold a woman is, the duration of conversation is a lot shorter than one about the “hottie”.

    There are some men out there in certain circles who place intellect over beauty. The vast majority or men don’t. Let’s not delude ourselves. I’m not supporting superficiality but simply stating what I see, as a man.

    1. very true. the truth of the case is i’ve noticed men who don’t have pretty women use the i prefer brains than beauty and when u talk to his woman too, brain not there….let the same guy go for a pretty girl and see if he will talk brains again? if one like pretty, go for pretty but don’t go for non-pretty to talk people down as if they don’t know what they’re about.

  6. It is not only the case of men that things have changed. For some women which I think I am part of, the assumption that women go in for guys with money is also over. Women find intellect men very attractive and s*xy too. Definitely a lot is changing in the dating game and it is often difficult to keep up.

    Basically I think more people are being smart in life and placing more value on people’s knowledge