‘Any marriage is better than no marriage’ – the chorus my big ears are somehow getting accustomed to these days. I’ve realised that people don’t love their peace of mind anymore actually, they don’t love themselves anymore. Our parents and loved ones want to see us married. Any wedding gown my mum sees in town will suit me perfectly even if it’s a size 20 – she doesn’t need to tell me to marry before I know what she is going on about.
In my very humble opinion ‘any marriage’ is ‘no marriage’ – one is not better than the other. Some people are not in relationships but are looking for partners whiles others who are in relationships are thinking of marrying who they’ve got but they know perfectly well that they fall short of the glory of what could be termed a good wife/husband.
During courtship, people suppress, suspend or hide some ‘stuff’ because it might be a deal breaker for them. Does that mean that they are hypocritical or false? Not really – because when a man and a woman start a relationship, they are blinded by love (or lust) initially. All faults will disappear as time goes on or love can conquer those faults (that’s the belief). Furthermore, because they are not living together yet, they don’t get suffocated by those faults and their presence. We all have our flaws, to some, it may be too diabolical but to others, it’s sexy.
Courtship is a golden opportunity to find out if there are things in your would-be spouse you cannot stand in marriage. Whatever tell-tale signs you see during courtship is an indicator of what you will likely have to live with all the days of your life. People claim people hide character/habit – that excuse I don’t really buy; it shows one way or the other. We’re humans, we’re bound to offend and we’ll definitely react.
Some women believe that for the sake of their children any marriage (or better put, any crap) is better than no marriage. Some wait till the children are all grown up and then divorce but what they don’t know unfortunately is that they’ve already scarred them – if the ‘joy’ of the marriage was crowned with abuse and more abuse. You don’t need to hit someone to be called an abuser. The emotional and psychological abuse (the cool guy/girls form of abuse) takes much longer to heal. Small slap/insults (frequent) during relationships become punches and whips during marriage.
And the pregnancy bait – it’s not cool either. Children don’t do any bonding; they’re not superglue to bond mother and father together. They came with their own agenda into the world; don’t use pregnancy as a basis to marry if the ‘girlfriend/boyfriend/bed mate’ is not whom you’ll like to marry. I’m in no way promoting single parenthood – I’m only saying that pregnancy is not a prerequisite to marry someone you don’t want to marry
Pretending to be happy when one is really not by putting up a front for the sake of the children, family, friends and relatives doesn’t augur well for our wellbeing – too much pretence can lead to resentment. When built-up resentment explodes, it causes more damage than speaking up and out.
On the other hand, some continue to believe that one day things will change for the better and go ahead to marry – yes, things may change for the better but why take on more than you can chew in the first place? Few (very few) people change. Most people only have sad tales to tell. Don’t be one of them.
There comes a stage in the courtship/dating process where both parties have to do the bidding of the lyrics of the song of The Manhattans “Let’s just kiss and say goodbye.” It may be hard but in future, you’ll be glad you took that decision.
We should not aim for just any marriage; we should aim for a good one where we made the choice without the undue pressure from anyone. Sometimes, we should have a discussion with our legs and tell them to take a walk if our mind is not doing its job!