Dear GC Readers,
We’ve been working hard as plans are set for the big wedding in February 2015 and we were all looking forward to it.
We have already made some deposit for the rings and even the night that she cheated on me with her ex, we had gone to see a wedding planner.
I am totally heartbroken and I cannot bring myself to accept that she did this or this actually happened. Most times, I wish it was a dream because I do not know how I am going to trust her again—that is if I even decide to forgive her.
I have known my partner for 5 years and we have been through a lot. At first, my parents did not accept our relationship because she is less educated compared to my level of education.
But with time, I talked them into seeing the bigger picture that education is just one of the keys to success in life, not the total solution.
I managed to find her a well paying office job through a friend of mine who is a manager at a Maryland based company and she really loves the job.
When I finished work on the 17th of October, I picked her up from her work to see one of the 3 wedding planners we have selected to see about her charges and what she could do for us.
After our short meeting, we came to a conclusion that the wedding planner’s charges were way beyond our budget and that we would consider the others.
She politely asked that I drop her at the shopping mall as she wanted to do some window shopping with her best friend. This is something she regularly do. I jokingly even said, she better now spend our small savings.
What I didn’t know was that, her ex-boyfriend who lived in New York was in town and she was going to his hotel.
About a week later, I saw some shocking text messages on her phone and that is when she broke down into tears that she slept with the boyfriend that day and thst she has been feeling guilty ever since.
I don’t even know why she had to go to his hotel or do that to our 5 years relationship. I am so confused to the extent that a whole day goes by without me eating anything major, except to think and think.
She was my everything and I really trusted her but at this last minute, she has broken my heart.
What should I do? Should I just move on or accept that it is the work of the devil, as she says. And give the relationship another chance?
We had just 3 months let to get married and now everything is screwed up this way.
From: Ernest Ato N / USA
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Well Ernest, I will say leave her and move on with your life. She Cheated on you with her Ex Boyfriend while planning for your Bid Day with her…She must have strong feeling her Ex. The whole five years with you, she must be communication with him. How did she know he was in town. My Brother Wise up. Don’t let any woman take you for granted after all that you did for me. She’s her own Devil. She will do it again whenever her Ex comes to town. Five year aint 5 Months. Wise up and think before you make your decision. Wish you all the best
Move on cs it sounds like she’s not over her ex.
My brother Ernest, I can feel your pain. I know exactly how you feel and what you’re going through right now. I’ve been through the same situation before so, I will advice you not to make any decision in a haste. Give yourself at least two weeks to think things over and cool off your head. First of all, you know her more than anyone else. Is she trustworthy? Do you think she made a honest mistake by sleeping with him? Or do you suspect that she may still have some feelings for her ex? The content of the text messages on her phone alone should be able to either incriminate or give her a lifeline. Let me tell you something Ernest, sit her down and ask her what she really wants. In this situation, what you want to know is that; is she really interested in the idea of getting married to you, or is she craving for a reconciliation with her ex? Ask her that question and watch her body language and of course pay attention to her answer. If you are good in reading body language u should be able to deduce something from her answer. She is your girl, so you should be able to tell when she is lying to you or being truthful. Anyway, it is easy for me to say, hey! dump that loser of a girl for cheating on you. But the reality is that, dumping her will not solve your problem. Considering the fact that you guys unconditionally invested 5 years building the relationship together. OK now, Lets assume you dump her for another woman and she also end up cheating on you; what are u going to do? are you going to dump her too? What you’re going through now is one of those hurdles many people have been through in relationships. How you handle it is what would determine the future of the two of you. What are you going to do about it? It is not your fault that she cheated. Yes, cheating hurts, betrayal hurts, but it is not the end of the world. I know it will be very difficult for you to forgive her but please find a place in your heart and forgive her. Don’t make the same mistake I made in the past. Hmmmm…. Many years ago, I dumped my ex for cheating on me. And guess what? I really suffered for a long time. It was very difficult for me to fall in love with another woman. In fact, I really went through hell. Anyway, I realized few years down the road that, the smartest thing for me to do at the time was to forgive her. Perhaps forgiving her could have saved me from a lot of headache. Now, the million dollar question is that; Do you really love her? Do you think she is your soul mate? Are you compassionate? Do you have a forgiven heart? If your answer is YES to at least two of the questions, then please forgive her and ask her to cut ties with her ex. If she listen to you and do exactly what you ask her to do then you guys can try to work things out. However, postpone the wedding until you’re 100% certain that you are both on the same page before you take her to the alter. There is a adage that; Forgive, not because she deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. I wish you all the best.
Kweku well said ! Will u marry me . lol.
Such a long talk but to me, he should leave her. She is probably not worth his life and time
Akosuaghana, I’m aware that cheating is usually the deal breaker in most relationships but in this case let’s look at the bigger picture. (1) They spent 5 years building the relationship together. (2) they are planning to get married in few months. (3) regardless of her cheating on him, he still loves her. And Love conquers everything. If he dumps her now, he is not going to be able to get over her so easily, considering the fact that, both of them have been together for so long. That’s why I suggested that, he should forgive her and try to find the best way forward. It is bad enough that she cheated. But breaking up with her will spell doom to his love life. He will not be able to love any woman for a long time to come. But if he stick with her, they can work it out. Although, he may not be able to trust her like before, but at least they can survive the storm long enough for the girl to gradually earn his trust again.
If the tables were turned and its a girl who said her fiancee has cheated on her with Ex,wouldnt we be more sympathetic and ask her to consider?that ‘good men’ are few?..
Too many double standards everywhere…
Dude would you expect her to forgive you if you cheated?
I will say just leave her and move on because you will always have that in your mind. Anytime she steps out, you will be worried about what she is up to. Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling this way? Good
What will happen to you in future is what God has shown it to you now so that you don’t soffer later in life my brother. So the decision is yours. Will you like to see it happing to you in future? God is telling you not to blame HIM should you witness it tomorrow. However, pray to God to first of all forgive you yourself, heal you and restores you and show you the way forward. Then, forgive her too and her be. Don’t think about the past but think about t he future. Yes it hurt, but it wouldn’t kill you.
Ask your self these questions:
Does she truly love you?
How did she got to know that her Ex is in, how did she also got to know his hotel that he was lodging?
Why did she kept it from you till you discovered it? Obviously, she really enjoyed her self right? Your family were trying to warn you but you refused to heed to their advice. it is a lesson to you now. Don’t repeat it my bro.
Sir, plz try to sort out the relationship first and make sure u both completely satisfied before u go ahead with the marriage. all the best
hmm this planet is going wayward ,we r going to see worse.I hav witness a situation where the cheaten happen on the wedding day .it’s all cos of numerous relationships that goes on b4 getting married .sorry brother, as Kweku said try to forgive and text time .good luck