Over the years, I’ve come to fully accept that any successful partnership in life must ride on compromise—personal relationships need this essential ingredient even more than business relations.
Compromise remains the quintessential tough ingredient in relationships and undermining this would obviously create unexpected romantic chaos—it’s either you would be slaughtered in your sleep or you would one day face a box full of resentment from that partner.
Even if you are lucky to survive because your partner benevolently chooses the latter, you would have to go to Mars and back to be able to settle things and that is if your other half is determined to fix things or has a reasonable mind of his or her own.
There are a lot people must compromise on before a relationship can pull through the many faces—the honeymoon period is pretty easy as the Ice creams and trips to cities like Paris take the lead. But eventually, when reality hits in—that is when the need to pay attention to the compromise box becomes important.
It’s easier to find those elements which must go into the compromise box and by compromise, I am looking at those things which are not necessary great but wouldn’t kill you, so you can live with them and take solace in the other greatness the other partner brings to the table.
It’s pretty easy to find a common ground for most individual ‘bad’ habits and as long as they are not inherently diabolical or can be subjected to change, we ought to pay little attention to them while focusing on those things that brighten the relationship as the backbone of growth and strength.
Outside the box of compromise hover the fundamentals—and these are those things which ought not to be broken. These are the things which can never be compromised on—and any attempt to invoke compromise in this area amounts to a total surrender.
Of course before any relationship proceed to the room of seriousness, these fundamentals must be well defined and for most men and women, they are two basic things; do not cheat on me and do not ever throw your hand at me.
You wouldn’t want to be turned into a punching bag by your partner and you surely do not want to be treated like a worthless donkey with your partner banging anything in a skirt or a trouser.
Some call these fundamentals the “core principles” on which every other relationship value originates and takes its shape. And since these are the core pillars on which a relationship rests, subjecting them to the slightest contempt such as an attempt to slap your partner or an attempt to cheat carries equal weight and punishment as having committed the breach.
The fundamentals are broken not just by a completed action but even by attempt to commission an action that undermines them. If he/she tried slapping you and somehow you escaped, he/she would definitely reach your face the next time—so it must be treated as having happened and not a mere attempt.
The consequence of violating the fundamentals which hold the pillars of a relationship are certainly obvious; a walk away by whoever suffered the breach—and even though sometimes others are able to put themselves together to return and work things through irrespective of the fundamental breach, majority call a return a surrender.
Surely, it’s only a few people who after ridiculing the pillars of a relationship will put themselves together to ensure that such a fundamental violation does not happen—and those are the lucky second or fifth chance fundamental breakers.
Interestingly, you cannot treat the values placed in the compromise box the same as those we call the fundamentals for this simple reason; the compromise box is mostly full of so many ‘I don’t like this’ balls which would countless be walked over during the relationship.
And for this reason, the fundamentals ought to stay well defined, entrenched and a small number in count—I wouldn’t want to be with anyone with more than 3 fundamentals. This is because; no one can walk on the surface of this earth like the Messiah…
The higher the number of fundamentals, the more susceptible to failure a relationship would be and as such, lasting relationships should keep the core pillars finely tuned and the compromise box where apologies, reformation and forgiveness live widely opened.
Even though we say the fundamentals ought NOT to be broken, some people disregard this basic rule unconsciously and step on the ‘holy grail’—and in this instance, the other party must apply the appropriate defined chastisement. I wouldn’t dare advocate for reconsideration when violence is involved, even if remorse has been adequately shown….
But when it comes to the many balls in the compromise box, it’s worthy to note that, any flourishing relationship takes little note of wrongs done within that box, especially if the wrong-doer somehow manages to balance these wrongs with certain inspiring-good. And also, when the wronged person plays ping-pong in the same compromise box too.
For two distinctive persons, mostly a cat and a dog to stay in this chaotic enterprise called relationship, the relationship fallacies must well be understood—and until the fundamentals are broken, any attempt to pull the plug would certainly present itself as taking a short cut to a place where there is only one route, the long road…
What are your relationship fundamentals and which other things do you place in your compromise box?
Certainly, leaving pieces of your weave in my hair brush though seriously annoying would go into the compromise box and I may need mental evaluation if I placed that as a fundamental which gives me a “right” to walk away…
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