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Why I Have To Buy Three Fowls And The Heart Of A Goat To Succeed In School: The Case Of The IDIOT Spiritualist Who Is The Panacea To All My Life’s Problems

Spiritualist
Spiritualist

From BrutallyUncensored.Com

It was a normal Saturday morning for me. Lying in bed and browsing the web for any bit of interesting news which I’d eventually feel too lazy to write about anyway. Interspersed with the occasional break of 20-30 minutes to watch an episode of Seinfeld.

So I open my Facebook account and I have a couple friend requests. One is from a guy whose profile picture made it very clear he’s into the occult. I accepted immediately, a chance to get a few chuckles out of another moron on my timeline; or so I thought.

I was not expecting a message three seconds after accepting the request; and I certainly wasn’t expecting to be courted by this guy like Harvey Specter or Mike Ross trying to land a new client for Pearson-Specter-Litt!

However, that’s exactly what happened; after the requisite introductions, of course.

 

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Ok. That’s quite a strong answer to the question ‘what do you do’ (mixed with some terrible grammar), but I’m nothing if not open minded. Having already told this guy the first lie (am not currently in school), which his magical voodoo powers failed to detect; I proceeded to ask him what the hell need of a spiritualist a student would have?

Of course he had an answer, he would help with my academics. Interestingly, he knew all about my poor school record and what was causing it.

 

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After that, it was just a matter of him telling me the items I needed to buy to ‘beg my genes’, as he termed it. Apparently I have bad genes and they were really drawing me back in my education, thank for pointing that our Dr. Seuss.

So despite this guy having just first heard of me half an hour prior, and despite the hundreds of thousands kilometres separating us, he thoroughly convinced me that I would not succeed without his help, he mentioned a list of items needed for rituals; and we negotiated a price which I was to send to him via, MTN Mobile money.

 

 

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After all, where the hell would I get a goat’s heart from; the more sensible course is just to give him the money and let him take care of everything. And benevolent soul that he is, he was only taking money to cover the costs of the items, adding anything for him is optional.

After that I led him on a further wild goose chase with stuff about my girlfriend and how she wants to leave me (semi true), and he said he can help with that. Now I gotta say, I was really tempted by that proposition, and we agreed I should throw in a little something extra so he can get to work on my girl problem.

 

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So that’s it. Long story short, I’m supposed to withdraw Ghc 450 out of the money my dad has supposedly sent me for my school fees on Monday and send it to this benevolent soul I’d never heard of an hour prior but who has nothing but my best interests at heart.

I gotta say, there’s nothing suspicious about this exchange at all.

Aside getting my intelligence insulted by this dummy who felt he was really taking me in, I am extremely worried about many, many, other marks whom would gullibly fall for this. And rest assured, they will. There are many desperate souls out there, poisoned all their lives with ridiculous beliefs in the supernatural, both mainstream religion and our local practices; and all that makes them is ripe for someone who claims they can bend the laws of nature to do your bidding- to horribly take advantage of you.

And we might not see it, but it is the same thing we do whenever we get down on our knees to pray, or pester the pastor with offetory after offetory and tithe after tithe, when we have not fixed the sh*t in our own lives but just expect divine favour from the heavens. If a God created this universe (BIG IF), the natural laws where put in place for a reason; and it is the very height of hubris to call for them to be constantly broken, everyday, by the guy who put them in place just so your life can get a little easier.

Life is hard, sh*t happens, and the best we can do is wade through it as best as we can. Attempting to bribe the spiritualist, or whichever God you worship, to do that for you is just the chicken’s way out.

I wish I could say only Ghanaians are this dumb, but these kinds of ‘physics’ are everywhere, doing their thing. We are just more primed all our lives to believe in the occult and the supernatural, so are much more susceptible to being taken in.

And in the unlikely event you assume this is an isolated event, it’s not. Here’s one of these crazy guys coming onto my Managing Editor-Chris-Vincent Agyapong Febiri just a couple weeks ago. I think their so-called gods needs to do a better job steering them towards the right clients because all you will get is BS from people like Chris and myself.

 

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Aah, screw all that skepticism and logical thinking, I’ll be at the bank Monday morning to get the money to make my deposit. I’ll keep my fingers crossed, and y’all pray for my success in school and my love life…

This article was first published on BrutallyUncensored.Com | Visit for MORE



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