Actress Lydia Forson has authored a follow up post to her trending comments passed during the week which seemed to suggest that Ghanaian men were inept at ‘wooing’ women.
The comments, contained in a short Facebook post, went viral as both men and women alike united to attack the actress for her opinion.
The firestorm surrounding the comment have died down a little and Forson, thus, has decided to clarify what exactly she meant with her comments.
Forson said her comment, obviously, did not apply to all Ghanaian men and that bloggers added their own twists to them.
She however, goes on to detail what she feels to be the problem with dating in Ghana which prompted her to write those now immortal words.
Read her post below….
A lot of Ghanaian men have much to learn about the art of “wooing” a woman.
Most don’t know how to take a girl on a date, and if they do it’s always “food”, which automatically translates to love, and once those words are spoken it’s enough foreplay to begin a sexual affair, first by attempting to shove those long tongues into your mouth and swirling it around.
If you’re unwilling to jump into the sack after this you’re “long”, and if you are then you’re “easy”.
When I shared this on Facebook the response from a lot of women suggested that I wasn’t alone in this feeling.
But as usual bloggers added their own meaning to it and tried spin it into something it wasn’t.
And as expected many men were angry over the post, especially those who felt this was an attack on them.
And instead of attacking the issue, choose to attack me instead, how “manly”.
Now, I specifically said most and not all men, because it would be unfair to the good ones out there, plus have come across some great Ghanaian men who’re absolutely nothing like what I described, but they’ve been very few.
A lot of men and even women were quick to assume that describing my experience with Ghanaian men, it mean I’d slept with the lot I described, and this is the underlining problem, SEX.
Dating doesn’t automatically mean SEX, but because many people presume it does is why for many men especially, their only focus is on getting a girl into bed.
Now dating means several different things to people, depending on their background, age, religion etc.
But ultimately it’s about getting to know someone and through it deciding if you want more from the relationship.
This sometimes leads to a committed relationship or even marriage; but it doesn’t mean however, that it’s the sole intent either.
Some people like to keep it causal depending on where they are in their lives, it really boils down to what each party is looking for, which is why honesty is extremely important at this stage.
Traditionally it was a period of courtship, through which a man expressed interest in a woman, and if she liked him in return, they spent time getting to know each other.
However, the world has evolved and so has the meaning of the word, which is way it’s maybe confusing sometimes.
For a lot of Ghanaian men, it doesn’t help that it’s a concept relatively new to a lot of men here in Ghana; because like I said traditionally getting to know a girl was with the intention of marrying her.
But as times have changed this rigid form of dating seems to have gradually faded away.
One thing that’s remained constant however, is the “getting to know you phase”, even though it’s taken a different form, it’s still an important foundation to any relationship.
However, a lot of men today tend to want to skip that “phase” all together and immediately get you into bed.
A man can see you today, profess his love for you (another misused word) tomorrow and the next day expect you two to be playing “mummy and daddy” under the sheets.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are those who are ok with causal sex, and I’m not here to judge it.
My focus is entirely on the fact that for a lot of men they don’t have the patience to get to know a girl the claim to want to get serious with, they don’t know how to spend time through activity to study her or even wait for the girl to like them back, before pushing for more.
Sex I believe is a level of intimacy that should be reserved for couples in committed relationships; ideally it would be great if couples could wait until marriage, but realistically very few can.
When you have sex with someone you’re sharing a very intimate part of your self with them, almost baring your soul ; and to be able to do that you have to trust who it’s with and what their intentions are.
This is why so many people are entangled in complicated relationships because there’s a connection that you create that’s hard to break after it ; and when couples don’t “date” or get to know each other enough to decide what they each want from the relationship, it can be disastrous. ( that’s a conversation for another day).
But the truth is, a lot of girls also allow it, because as always there’s a fear of “losing” a potentially great guy if you don’t “give in”.
But how do I get to know you if your tongue is deep in my throat, how do we talk when you’re in between my thighs, and how do you want a relationship with me without at least getting to know me first?
Sex is an inevitable end game, and if both parties are in unison it will happen, so why rush it?
I want to talk, get to know you and you me, I want to see how you are with other people, your likes and dislikes, your plans for the future, what you like about me, what sets you off, etc.
There’s so much you can learn in this period which can help you both decide if there’s something worth exploring.
But many men find this “time wasting” they believe a girl is being “LONG”, if she is unwilling to skip this process.
If they’re paying for dinner and all the other activities they expect to get rewarded through sex for it, which is why they like to know immediately if it will be “worth it” in the long run, and why they’ll do just about anything to get a return on all they’ve spent.
Which is why they feel cheated if a girl decides she doesn’t want anymore after all they’ve invested.
But you will only feel cheated if sex was your only intention, and if you invested what you don’t have into it.
Yes it’s good to spend on someone you care about, but why spend what you don’t have or you’re unwilling to?
If you really have good intentions you won’t have to play all these games to get a girl, if she doesn’t appreciate who you are then maybe she’s not for you in the first place.
Because there’s a girl out there, that will appreciate what you can “afford”; but I guess the natural “hunting” instincts in men won’t let them see this.
And yes, you may argue that some girls expect this, and although I don’t encourage it I don’t necessarily blame them either.
Because most girls have come to recognize the games men play and in return are switching it up.
So now, both men and women are playing a game of who can get the most out of a relationship; with men doing everything it takes to have sex with a girl , and girls making sure they’re walking away with something if that’s all a guy wants.
But perhaps if many men weren’t so focused on trying to get a girl into bed, girls wouldn’t feel the need to demand certain things of them in return.
If you have the money to and want to spend on a girl, by all means do it, but know it’s a risk like any other; but if your intentions are pure, there are several other ways of getting to know someone without breaking your bank.
And yes, I’ve heard many men say “well there’s very little to do by way of activity in Ghana”, how about you get CREATIVE !
The internet can be used for much more than finding out which teams are on the champions league table, you can learn a lot about women by just do a little research.
So get reading and ask, you’re human you’re not expected to know it all, but there’s a lot you can learn if you’re willing.
If all of this doesn’t lead to what either of you wants, it’s should be ok; some beautiful friendships have formed out of situations like this.
And please for the love of God there’s timing to everything, if you pay “attention” you’ll know when a woman likes you enough to welcome your tongue in her mouth, if you really listen and pay attention, you will know.
***note : These are my personal thoughts on the matter, based on my experiences, I’m not expert on the subject and I’d like to hear from you on this as well.