If you are one of those pretenders who think the perception of people about you is more important than your own happiness and self-contentment, then close this article—it’s not meant for people like you. In fact, I do not intend to have a conversation with your kind.
Society is a bewildering structure; sometimes shaped by the majority and other times by fear, perception, and judgments of the minority. And for this reason, I’ve always made it a mission, perhaps a philosophy, to always do what I find fulfilling, more importantly, if it upsets the general society and changes people’s “ideal” perception about me.
After all, I shouldn’t really give a f*ck about what people think about me. This is my life and I have to live it on my own terms, not on some scripted ideologies or groundless conceptions of others.
Over the years, society has succeeded in telling us what’s right and wrong and even if these positions cannot be rationally justified. And one the things which have suffered in the hands of our largely hypocritical society is p*rn—something that shoots beams of excitement down my brains and luckily that of my wife too.
Conversations about p*rn today in our part of the world captures the zeitgeist of the offensively conservative benighted eras of pre-science, pre-libertarianism, and pre-enlightenment. Taboos surrounding p*rn is so much entrenched in our part of the world that it does not just remain a moral wrong but also a “statutory illegality”.
Interestingly, this illegality is highly patronized but the patrons, even if outside the jurisdictions that brand them unlawful still cannot in honesty accept that they enjoy what science has embraced as a major source of stress relief with a tall list of benefits.
I only know of a few people who would admit in public that they watch p*rn but to be frank, p*rn has more fans online than even Game of Thrones, the most watched TV series of all time.
If people wouldn’t even admit that they watch p*rn on their own, how many couples (either married or not) would be honest to say—p*rn somewhat spices their s*x life and serves as some sort of entertainment, just as they cannot escape other interesting forms of entertainment.
Despite the long standing bad and yet untrue reputation p*rn is submerged in, from accusations that it rewires “people’s brains and perceptions on s*x, to causing erectile dysfunction”—it continues to be widely watched, except that many do it clandestinely.
If something is gravely dangerous, doing it in private or lying about your taste for it wouldn’t be the solution. I believe p*rn occupies the same position as the so-called “ugly area girls” who are not good enough for certain men to be seen in public with but are good enough to be slept with in private. Porn suffers in the same box as the art of self-pleasuring, masturbation, a true friend at a point in time to a lot people.
I believe the mendacious conversation around p*rn and the secrecy surrounding it is not due to any honest belief that it’s not good for human consumption (many studies have detailed the importance of p*rn) or that it’s an adult content and therefore should be just entertained behind the veil—rather, the fact that we fear what others would think of us if they get to know we enjoy what has for many years been branded as a sin, offensive and dirty.
It’s shocking that you can find countless videos of horror, torture, severe violence and pains on social media with people comfortably sharing them and not finding these videos offensive—yet these same people would claim to find a video of two adults pleasuring themselves offensive, even if it’s being acted.
And it’s not just the people; a lot of these social media platforms allow violent videos to be uploaded and shared but prohibit p*rn—somewhat indicating that the latter is more offensive and unacceptable, compared to the former.
Society has succeeded in branding p*rn in a way it does not deserve—at least, not in our current age when the industry is fairly well structured and we have seen the growth of ethical p*rn.
For this reason, a lot of people, especially Africans have become p*rn hypocrites and these people would pretend as if they don’t ever watch or enjoy it, when that is what tickles their pleasure.
Not everyone would love Super Malt but even those who find the taste repugnant or the sugar unhealthy would not quickly formulate a revolting perception about you when they see you drinking it. But when it comes to p*rn, even those who enjoy it will look at you in disgust when you are found with it—which is the hallmark of hypocrisy.
I can’t remember how the conversation started but since the day my wife and I realized that p*rn is part of the many other things we share in common, we’ve added a p*rn night to our couple’s calendar—a calendar that documents the things we shouldn’t miss, including our once a month cinema night, couple’s date night, wife pampering day and others.
Society has cruelly robbed many of us of what makes us truly happen and it continues to do it with its tight strings of conformism, religion, culture, and taboos, and you are expected to mostly act and behave in a certain way even in the privacy of your own room.
I used to hold on the belief that our generation will break the chain of taboos by finding rational reasons to categorize things into acceptability and unacceptability. But it seems, the notion of popular perception and our desires to be viewed a certain way by others even to our own detriment are deeply engrained in our DNAs—such that we’ve become a generation of hypocrites.
For instance, the number of people from Ghana visiting a particular p*rn website are more than those who visit Twitter from Ghana (according to Alexa’s wobbly ranking).
On a global scale, while Google is the most visited web page in the world, the 39th most visited web page in the world is Pornhub—which means more people visit a p*rn website than BBC, Mailonline, NY Times and even CNN.
Yet, only a few would admit that they actually watch p*rn. If we all say we hate p*rn or do not watch it, who are those visiting those websites? I guess my long gone ancestors are connecting to these websites from their graves.
It was revealed in March 2017 that, the top 5 countries with shares of adult websites are: Iraq, Egypt, Serbia, Japan and Germany. Even though p*rn is totally forbidden in these Muslim majority countries, it is highly being watched—of course in secrecy.
And before you scream that unfounded feminism argument, note that a recent research from the University of Western Ontario found that p**n watchers are more likely to be feminists.
I, therefore, find it refreshing that I can boldly write that, my wife and I add up to the occasional p*rn watching numbers—and it feels cool that we are tearing down one wall of hypocrisy in our lives.
You may want to say watching p*rn is a sin—probably it is, but so is gossiping, visiting gossip websites, lying, fornicating, stealing, adultery, deceit, over-eating, envy, lust, greed and many others. The fact that you “sin” differently does not make you better than anyone.
If you are not a hypocrite, let me know if you regularly or occasionally watch p*rn too—and how you probably have to hide to watch it because society has erected an insane taboo around it.
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