Mid last week, a friend who seems to enjoy having affairs with the wives and girlfriends of others was cornered in an argument and his response as to why he is addicted to taking interest in the “properties”’of others has prompted this article.
Beyond the illusion that the grass is greener at the other side, I was of the view that a lot women and men in and out of relationships sometimes prefer unavailable individuals because of the great investments the partners of these people have made in them.
A fine woman wearing expensive weave and smelling good would certainly get the immediate attention of men, compared to a wretched or unkempt woman of the same physical attributes.
I understand a lot of women and men invest in themselves, those were not the subject of our conversation or are not of this piece.
When you are in a relationship with someone, the reasonable position is to invest in the betterment of that person—and many men and women do this.In almost each relationship I have been in the past, I come out better than I went in and I credit this largely to those I dated. I hope my ex-partners feel the same way too.
Investing in your partner to elevate the person to a level you prefer should be the ultimate aim of everyone but many people are like my friend, they do not want to invest but are ready to reap where they did not sow.
It’s not just this my friend, I have heard it numerous times from Ghanaian men that they wouldn’t spend on women. No problem—such men should not also want women that others have spent on, isn’t it?
There is this hovering misconception that when you pick someone from the “gutters” and make them better, they will become arrogant, pompous and eventually ungrateful, therefore already made tasty cakes are the best. And this is the warped philosophy a lot of Ghanaians seem to run with these days.
Largely, the men want already made women, and the women want already made men too and ironically, those wanting this are not “‘made” themselves.
A few weeks ago, I was trying to hook a woman up to one of my friends and when I asked her what’s she looking for—she said she wanted a guy like me! I told her, but what I am today that you seem to want is the hard work of another woman so why don’t you get an empty man and fill him up to become what you want?
When I met my wife, I had been struggling to practice law because I couldn’t bring myself to working for anyone 9-5, including to take up the mandatory training contract to eventually get my practising licence as a Solicitor.
For many months, she talked me into looking at the bigger picture and sacrificing my time today so that I could obtain my practising licence even if I do not intend to use it. She once said: “if you don’t want to, just do it for me.”
She started sending me vacancies at various Law Firms and I told myself, she really wants me to practice so I will get it done.
Today, I am working at Law Firm in chase of my training contract and without someone knowing the history or the work another woman has done, she would say, I want to date a lawyer and would be “eyeing” one that someone has probably deeply invested in.
It surely will be less stressful to steal what someone has made, but where’s the fulfilment in enjoying what you have not cooked or contributed to?
To my friend, he is somewhat only attracted to women that are already in relationships—at least so he thinks. There are many men and women like him all over.
The truth is, such people just want to eat what they did not cook—they want to enjoy what others have worked tirelessly to accomplish. They are pathetic and lazy!
I always tell people, when you meet someone and they are not what you dream of, that’s a priceless opportunity to perfectly create what you want, for yourself.
Anytime you see a fine achieving man or a fine achieving woman out there, do not forget that it’s highly probable that another person like you invested in the person, helped shape the person and have made the person who he or she is today.
I attended Bola Ray at 40’s birthday party at Royal Senchi in Ghana last year and when the Bola Ray story was told with images, you couldn’t miss the fine tuning of his wife, Dorcas. She was with Bola Ray at every step and she invested in him( with her time and resource) when he was a nobody and was playing cheap gigs.
Today, Bola Ray is always well-suited achieving man and I know a lot of women wish they had a man like him. Probably, some are even f*cking him in their dreams because that’s all they want, forgetting that Bola today is as a result of someone, another woman’s carving.
Let’s all invest in those we meet and help shape them into what we want even if they are far from it!