I have been keeping myself to myself for the last 2 years and it has been extremely difficult. I have not had any physical intimate encounter with a man except for some few toys I have purchased for self pleasure.
I hate these toys and I get mad each time I use them, but that is only after I have achieved what I used them for.
I am doing all these so that I can keep my feeling down and unnoticed. I do not get any sort of turn on from men. In fact my last encounter with a man is more than 3 years ago.
I hate to acknowledge or be seen as a lesbian, but that is all I feel. I get turn on by women and each day, I get more and more attracted to them.
About 2 and half years ago, I had a partner for about 3 months and because my conscience could not carry the burden, I ended the relationship despite the strong feeling of attraction and belongingness.
Despite all the dissatisfaction about being and sleeping with same s*x, I fall back on that feeling all the time. I have tried seeing men to quench my taste for women but it never has worked. I get cold and nothing about men seems to tickle my feeling. (more…)