Are You Settling for a Black Man?

blank“I wonder if I should lower my standards and date a black man.”

No, this isn’t me playing devil’s advocate. This is a direct quote from a friend. She is beautiful, hella smart, body banging like a benzie and you guessed right…she’s single.

Her case is like most – she is single because she chooses to be, not outright but in indirect ways that pushes interested parties away. She’s been seeing this amazing guy for months but there’s one thing about him she can’t get over: He’s white. [Note from SG: If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m black and 99.9% of the people I talk about on here are black as well.]

“I just always saw myself with a black man having beautiful black babies.”

My friend is sold out on the Cosby way of life. She admits she is bougie and all too concerned with how people are going to view her that she has held back from committing to a great guy because he’s a lighter shade of pale.

Interracial dating is a none factor in my book. I believe those who are opposed to it are just unhappy in their own lives that they want to rain on someone else’s parade.

This woman’s dilemma regarding dating outside her race isn’t what alarmed me. Its her feeling that she has to lower her standards in order to be with a black man. At first I laughed but then I let it sink in. I’m sure a lot of sisters think this why, which is why many of them stay single or go gay.

“SG, think about it. The chances of me finding a guy who is everything that I am–college graduate, middle class, straight, well traveled–and black are slim to none.”

“You really don’t think there’s a black man out there that fits that?”

“Of course but more than likely he is married, engaged, in a relationship or dating a gang of women because he knows he’s the shit.”

“Do you think you can ever get over your color complex?”

“I might just have to. My guy is amazing. He treats me better than any other guy I’ve been with.”

“So what’s the problem? So what if you end up having high yellow babies. Love is love.”

“SG, I feel you but if I meet a black guy who had 2/3 of the qualities I’m looking for I’d still might pick him over my white guy.”


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