Slow News Day: 30 Things Nollywood, Gollywood Have Taught Us


Misinforming audiences comes with repercussions. Though the consequences in this case may not be grave, it should be addressed nonetheless. Have you ever watched a Ghanaian or Nigerian movie without identifying that-(?)

  1. Kidney failure, Congestive Heart Failure, Bone fracture, Cancer, Asthma, STDs etc are all diagnosed by placing a stethoscope over a patient’s chest.
  1. When a couple can’t have a boy, it’s the woman’s fault.
  1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
  1. In every romance movie, someone must die.
  1. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
  1. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
  1. Poisoned food always tastes better.
  1. The best way to make money is by visiting a Witchdoctor.
  1. At least one of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
  1. One has to scream from the very beginning of labor until the baby is delivered.
  1. There is never an end to suffering, except death!
  1. With a pastor… all things are possible.
  1. A movie can be titled anything… such as – The Boy is Mine, Two Rats, Spanner, Calculator, etc.
  1. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics in an attempt to sound American/British.
  1. You are in love… you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is… Mr. Biggs, Tantalizers, the beach or the best – take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
  1. An Igbo movie has not been made if…

· One does not visit a Witchdoctor

· A fleet of cars is not shown off

  1. Kanayo ‘O’ Kanayo is not in the movie, alongside Pete Edochie wearing the usual red cap! To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult

A Twi movie has not been made if…

Kyeiwaa is not a witch

Agya Koo is not in the movie, alongside Nana Ama Mc Brown

  1. Gunshots and fireworks always sound the same!
  1. 99% of the time, the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie.
  1. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses;

· Van Vicker

· Ramsey Nouah

· Stella Damasus-Aboderin

· Stephanie Okereke

· Nadia Buari

· Genevieve Nnaji

· Omotola Jolade-Ekeinde

· Rita Dominic

· Jackie Appiah

  1. The Nigerian Police are extremely ‘efficient’ unlike their counterparts in real life.
  1. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year…
  1. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night, indoors or out
  1. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn’t matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
  1. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because… people are deaf?
  1. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford very good furniture and a T.V. set, but you won’t be able to send your kids to school.
  1. All past scenes (flashbacks) are in black and white with distorted sound.
  1. Future scenes are always “ten or twenty years later”
  1. Everyone uses their party dresses and make up even when cooking in the kitchen or sleeping.
  1. All bullets hit the chest


Given that these are simple and easily accessible facts, it irks beyond reason that script writers would not take the time out to verify or validate information provided in movies. Care to admit it or not, some audiences take this stuff literally. Producers should not expect viewers to take information they provide in their movies with a grain of salt.


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21 thoughts on “Slow News Day: 30 Things Nollywood, Gollywood Have Taught Us”

    • There is a fine line between a fan and a stalker. Sixteen year old boy should have a strong and noble person to emulate not a film actress.

  1. U r really missing one thing doh..I’m getting tired of this part1, 2, 3, & 4 shit they have recently adopted. It’s starts getting real boring when they do that..please Movie writers, stop that n keep it short and interesting..thanks.

  2. @Author: Obour Amankwa you have been studying the movie industry quit well and did your home work as well LOL but all of that are true dont forget the parts as well

  3. 99% of the time, the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie.Oh geez to funny lol half way through your thinkin and what does that have to do with the title? Nice one Obour!

  4. lol u jst hammer de nail on head but i also notice after a person is been shot,tht person hve 4 hours left on de clock jst to think if he shld die backwards on de floor or upfront facing heaven n 9ija police always load 3 ppl upfront n 7 ppl back seat n de funny thing too is tht de car always look like it cant hold 2 ppl.


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