Dear GC,
I wasn’t sure whether to write in this because I don’t know if I would be taken serious at all. It’s often easier to talk to strangers than it is to talk to those close to you as those close to you always judge you.
I moved to New York when I was young. My mother had passed away and my father was one of those men who decided to eventually move on with a new family.
My younger sister and I moved from family to family until we eventually stayed with my aunt in New York. I wish I could say our childhood and teen hood were happy days. My aunt was a slave driver and my uncle was a slim ball!
One day he went one step too far with his advances and I got out with my sister, ending up in ‘the system’. We were not one of the lucky ones that got a good family and I eventually ran away staying with friends, guys and anywhere we could.
I know it’s cliché but the only way I could see me making some kind of home for me and my sister at the time was to strip. Now that we live a better life and I have been able to provide a roof over our heads, food on our table and is putting my sister through college, I can’t trash this life for what it has done for me and my sister.
I have met a man who I’ve been with for 3 months and he is really a God sent. My issue now is he, like my ex wants me to stop my job. I want to believe he can and will look after me but of course I have trust issues.
Like myself he’s from west Africa and goes home regularly as he told me he has real estate business. He is quite wealthy but I just can’t help feeling what if he is just enjoying this for the moment and he has some family back home.
I have even said to him I would give up the strip job after he spent weeks and weeks begging me to give up but I just feel like he could one day run off.
He has said he will support me to start a course and get into a more ‘respectable field’. If I do this I couldn’t face going back to stripping because as much as I know it has helped me, sometimes I hate to do it.
I just don’t know if I should give it up. My boyfriend hasn’t said he would leave if I don’t but it’s only a matter of time before he does and I don’t want to loose him.
Regards,
Sandra.
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Dear Sandra,
You really have gone through so much and I can only imagine that this is not even half of it. I’m sure you realise that with all you have been through, it is very understandable that you would have trust issues.
People who haven’t been through what you have gone through even have trust issues. It’s really about protecting yourself from being hurt over and over again. However mistrust is dangerous because it very quickly leads to paranoia and this is not only unhelpful but it is destructive.
The issue here for you is probably the fact that your relationship is still very new and anything can happen during these times. It sounds like you really want to trust and believe your new boyfriend will be a ‘knight in shinning amour’ and stick to his promises.
I can honestly say I also don’t blame you for having reservations. I’m also very sure that if there were other jobs you could do to sustain all that you are doing then you surely would be doing it.
Life is sometimes about taking risks, especially if the risk you are taking is going to put you in a better position. Don’t just leave your job, but sit down and discuss seriously with him, establish what he can help you with and you also need to make sure you don’t take advantage.
Be smart and ensure you pursue your goals with his support so you get the desired outcome of gaining your independence whilst making this sacrifice.
Whether a woman decides to give up a job like yours, smoking, partying or drinking, the fact is by making this sacrifice you are showing him your commitment to the relationship.
Just ensure you are giving it up because you want to better future with your boyfriend and not for what he is saying he can give you. Men do sense these things and it will not end well if he thinks he is being used!
I sincerely wish you all the best.
SassyChic!
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected]
To the best of my knowledge if only u wanna make MONEY like de way JESSICA SIMMONDS makes without thinking of reputation in stripping job,then ignore ur boyfriend’s advise and move on wit ur stripping job since ur guy can live u in de middle of de SEA, Men cant be trusted including me.Stripping is a lucrative job so dont listent to ur guy’s advise.
i don’t think ya have to quit,your job if he want to 2 stop then i think name any prize of your choice if he is ready 2 provide then ya can go from there,but you don’t have to quit the relationship that brought you and your sister this far just because of 3 month relationship,you have pass through many things so get wise
girl follow your instinct cause i mean it rear happens that a man will date a stripper and keeps her as a girlfriend if he is trying to make you stop your job than it means he got plans for both of you but is taking it step by step you know how the saying goes you cant turn a ho into a housewife but yet he aint seeing you like that but more of a person he can change so i will say sit down and think about it being a stripper is something you can always bounce back to but for a man like that to take the effort to make you stop your job and have maybe future with you its once in a blue moon even if he leave one day like you stated take it than from the bright side that its was a angel that came into your life and made some changes for you because its your time to shine
Exactly Bruh. But I’ll say forget about the “follow your instinct” and she should quit without blinking any eyes because a man with clean money and a career willing to have a relationship with a stripper is very, very rare. Even, if the man ain’t willing to have a relationship but rather help her get out of the stripping is a good thing.
Now, here is the question. How long is she gonna stay stripping? She should take this one question into consideration and quit for good. As a stripper a person can go back at any time and there are some certain type of job/career you can’t go back. Look, I’ve been to a lot strip club and most of ladies I interact with says that majority of the ladies leave the stripping business when a man with a career willing to help them.
We all should remember that “beauty can only last an amount of time but dignity and respect will follow you forever”
Your story is not unlike many girls who have faced difficulties with family. It is truly heart-breaking to hear of this type of hardship. You have, it appears, gone through a lot and your heart seems to be in the right place to care for your sister. I am concerned that your current job is not one of the most promising for a young lady.
Stripping is one step away from prostitution, you may want to rethink that ‘career’ choice. If you were a ward of the state there are provisions for you to go to college, even after you’ve aged out of the ‘system’. Please check with someone, at a college or agency, about that option.
Before you get yourself some ‘record’ you may want to look at the military as another option to move forward in a positive direction. I am never a fan of the stripping/exotic dancing. Seriously, I think, in spite of this guy you are talking about, you could do much better with your life. You should be thinking beyond the here and now. It should not take a boyfriend to get you looking at your future, but hey, maybe that is the starting point. God works in mysterious ways. Sweet sister, my honest advice is get out of ‘the life’. What will happen when it gets too much to cope? You’ll probably end up on the crack pipe just to cope with the humiliation. Your sister can get financial aid and you can both work a plan together that is safer for both of you. Good luck with your future.
@kr, amen you right he i mean , think about the future too im in thr same situation as you my girl stripping and she. dont like that i tell her not to quit but i want her too what i did was talk search for a decent job for her. CAUSE SHE’S NOT ALONE ANYMORE LOVE IS POWER OF TWO LOOK FOR SOMETHING BETTER DONT LET THE PAST COME IN YOUR FUTURE EVEN IF YOU END UP WORKING IN A MCDONALD ATLEAST YOU KEEPIN YOUR SELF RESPECT AND THAT HAS NO PRICE
does she just strip or after the striping, u give little pleasure to some guys who request for it as well ready to pay good cash? if its just the striping, then its kuul but ur boyfirend is scared one thing myt lead to another thing
Um I dont want to sound like im Judging u but how do u feel been a stripper . U knw women a preciuos creatures from God but these days , some women live their lives like there aint an end in life . Been a stripper damages ur respect as a woman and really u loose ur precious status of womanity . I think its about time women stop these things of acting nude in movies if they really want o achieve the gender equality stuff .
Ask him to take you to his home country to see things for yourself. your fear is he might have a family there..if he agrees slow down on the stripping. If he actually takes you , then quit after. Hes right stripping is not a secure way of life.especially as you grow older…peace
help comes to those who help themselves. you have been helping yourself & now help is here. girl you need to grab this opportunity and make a change in career. remember you cant strip forever.
but pls, dont really on him 100%, he’s just another human (capable of changing his mind any time). wish you the best.
if he’s offering u something better then i’ll say make the sacrifice. plus even if things do not work out between u two, u’ll have had something to start a life on, like get as he puts it, a more respectable job.
i see dis as a win win for u. lets break it down.
1.he’s ready to take care of u.
2.he’s ready to help u start a course.
so dis means u can start a course and still be able to take care of yourself and your sister.think abt it.
Do you not know that your body is the temple of God and that God is in you. My Sister, Pls dont follow money and riches and enter into Hell for it will be a painful thing in the sight of God and we all. Pls quit that job and glorify GOD with your body. There are other Jobs befitting for you than to praise satan with your body. God be with you.
are u ready to offer her anoda job????
I would advice to stop your job if he is ready to find you a new one.Because you can not depend on him always.
oh why tjhis,could it be that your BF doesn’t trust u