Love & Relationship: My New BF Wants Me To Quit My Stripping Job Which Has Brought My Sister & I This Far…

Dear GC,

I wasn’t sure whether to write in this because I don’t know if I would be taken serious at all. It’s often easier to talk to strangers than it is to talk to those close to you as those close to you always judge you.

I moved to New York when I was young. My mother had passed away and my father was one of those men who decided to eventually move on with a new family.

My younger sister and I moved from family to family until we eventually stayed with my aunt in New York. I wish I could say our childhood and teen hood were happy days. My aunt was a slave driver and my uncle was a slim ball!

One day he went one step too far with his advances and I got out with my sister, ending up in ‘the system’. We were not one of the lucky ones that got a good family and I eventually ran away staying with friends, guys and anywhere we could.

I know it’s cliché but the only way I could see me making some kind of home for me and my sister at the time was to strip. Now that we live a better life and I have been able to provide a roof over our heads, food on our table and is putting my sister through college, I can’t trash this life for what it has done for me and my sister.

I have met a man who I’ve been with for 3 months and he is really a God sent. My issue now is he, like my ex wants me to stop my job. I want to believe he can and will look after me but of course I have trust issues.

Like myself he’s from west Africa and goes home regularly as he told me he has real estate business. He is quite wealthy but I just can’t help feeling what if he is just enjoying this for the moment and he has some family back home.

I have even said to him I would give up the strip job after he spent weeks and weeks begging me to give up but I just feel like he could one day run off.

He has said he will support me to start a course and get into a more ‘respectable field’. If I do this I couldn’t face going back to stripping because as much as I know it has helped me, sometimes I hate to do it.

I just don’t know if I should give it up. My boyfriend hasn’t said he would leave if I don’t but it’s only a matter of time before he does and I don’t want to loose him.

Regards,

Sandra.

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Dear Sandra,

You really have gone through so much and I can only imagine that this is not even half of it. I’m sure you realise that with all you have been through, it is very understandable that you would have trust issues.

People who haven’t been through what you have gone through even have trust issues.  It’s really about protecting yourself from being hurt over and over again. However mistrust is dangerous because it very quickly leads to paranoia and this is not only unhelpful but it is destructive.

The issue here for you is probably the fact that your relationship is still very new and anything can happen during these times. It sounds like you really want to trust and believe your new boyfriend will be a ‘knight in shinning amour’ and stick to his promises.

I can honestly say I also don’t blame you for having reservations. I’m also very sure that if there were other jobs you could do to sustain all that you are doing then you surely would be doing it.

Life is sometimes about taking risks, especially if the risk you are taking is going to put you in a better position. Don’t just leave your job, but sit down and discuss seriously with him, establish what he can help you with and you also need to make sure you don’t take advantage.

Be smart and ensure you pursue your goals with his support so you get the desired outcome of gaining your independence whilst making this sacrifice.

Whether a woman decides to give up a job like yours, smoking, partying or drinking, the fact is by making this sacrifice you are showing him your commitment to the relationship.

Just ensure you are giving it up because you want to better future with your boyfriend and not for what he is saying he can give you. Men do sense these things and it will not end well if he thinks he is being used!

I sincerely wish you all the best.

SassyChic!

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