Love & Relationship: My Boy Friend Of 6 Months Is Asking For A Huge Loan From Me To Complete His Building In Africa, Should I Trust Him & Give Out My Life Saving?

Dear GC,

I’m writing because this dilemma needs objective advice that I know I am not likely to get from either my friends or family. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over 6 months and I am very happy.

I really can’t say I have much to complain about as he still treats me like we are in the honeymoon period. When we first met he really spoilt me and took real good care of me, encouraging me to follow my dreams and supporting and encouraging my decision to start my course so I could do better in life. So when he asked me to loan him quite a bit of money I really was confused as to whether I should loan it to him or not.

My boyfriend is very driven and smart and before meeting me he started a small project back home building an apartment. It appears to be in its final stages but he explained that it has been costing him more than he thought.

He comes from money so his family are wealthy but he refuses to ask his father for money. He says he wants to accomplish this without their help which I do understand. I have money saved which he does not know about.

The issue is aside from the fact that we have not been together long I asked my friend for her opinion and her answer sent me into a panic. She thinks it’s a foolish idea as he probably has wife and kids back home and is just using me and I would be lucky if I ever see him or his money once he leaves back home to Africa to build.

I really haven’t even considered this as he really does seem genuine, but I’ve been warned that how would I know this in such a short space of time.

I am also worried that with the amount he is asking for what if he really can’t pay it back. It’s not an amount I can afford to right off if he does delay in paying.

I’ve always been told if you can’t afford to give it away then do not loan it. It’s hard when you are in love as I really just want to trust him and give it to him. I really don’t know what to do.

Thanks Henrietta

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Dear Henrietta,

Loaning money is always a bit of a tricky situation because it really can cause major drama if money is not returned and promises are broken. You are right to be concerned about him not being able to pay the money back, especially if you see him purchasing other things and not paying your money it will cause major issues.

By the sound of it, the amount he is asking for will cause a big problem to your pocket should he not return the money.

You do need to be careful about allowing friends advise to cloud your own judgement. As they say ‘if you listen to your friends you’re going to be lonely’.

However it is likely that many would be thinking that what your friend has said is a possibility. My only issue is that you can spend hours obsessing over things that are not really happening.

There is a chance that he will borrow the money and return it as agreed. Just ask yourself to check out his money habits, is he like you? Is he good with money or always broke, do you know him to borrow from others or is this the first you’ve seen him ask.

It’s harder to establish this as you have not known him long but by now you will have some idea on his ways with money.

In response to your friends concerns I would say that if you really want to support him with this because he has been supportive and generous to you in the past, you can consider loaning him part of the money that way you have not lost out should things turn sour or he gets stuck.

I would also suggest you asking him if you can go with him to support and check out what he is working on, you don’t have to really go it’s just checking out his reaction.

If he is up for it then it may be a sign he doesn’t have much to hide, if he is adamant you cannot go and he does not have genuine reason then you may need to hold back on this.

All the best

SassyChic!

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