Dear GC,
My fiancé is a caring man. He gives me all I want including time but I know he sneaks out to cheat on me. I don’t know what to do.
We started of as friends when we met at a restaurant. We were friends for about a year before we started going out.
He’s been married twice and has two children, one from each marriage. I love him. We’ve been together for 5yrs now, he was recently out of the country which he invited me over to visit him. I am going to further my education which he will be sponsoring as he always does.
Though I believe he deletes evidence of whatever he does in town he sometimes forgets and I get to know that he’s seeing other women. I know men quite promiscuous by nature but I’m still very worried.
Recently it really feels like his feelings towards me have changed and he seems distant. He still takes care of me. He doesn’t normally stay out for long but it’s obvious that he’s cheating. I’ve seen condoms in his wallet and car.
I do believe he’s a good man but my worry now is I’m afraid I might loose him. I’m confused because if I talk to him he always denies having an affair.
I don’t want to step on his toes because he has this bad temper and I don’t want him to know that I have proof since he will think I am searching through his things which I’m not. I just happen to see them by chance.
What do I do?
Worried girl
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Dear G,
On first glance it seems your concerns are not with his infidelity but rather with the possibility that he will leave you. The issue here is there are bigger signs and clues he is showing you that you’re ignoring. If there are too many of these signs and trails of betrayal it’s because he isn’t really trying to hide it. This is because he can and there are no consequences.
Yes you are right SOME men are very promiscuous by nature, but not all are and neither does it make it ok for him to disrespect you in this way. Even those that are and don’t want to be caught will not make such obvious mistakes for you to find and have your feelings burnt.
It’s important that you stop for minute, change your thinking and get yourself to consider other possibilities. This is likely to come with a bit of disappointing reality.
Consider this, he is continuing to shower you with gifts and money as this is a way to buy your acceptance for his cheating. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you would turn a blind eye to his cheating if he suddenly stopped buying and paying for things.
It maybe that you are worried he’ll leave due to his past marriages that he left behind. His change in attitude may not be related to how he feels about you or that he’s planning to leave. However if he is pulling away this can be painful rejection. You need to stop checking his phones and belongings, it will only drive you crazy if you find something that might not even be evidence of him cheating.
You need to push these emotions and unhelpful thoughts of him cheating aside and act logical. He will respect you more. If he appears to be backing off don’t smother, moan or whine at him. Give him space; keep busy and concentrate on your course. He will come and look for you. Ultimately you need to decide whether you would still stay if he admitted he is cheating.
Hope this helps
All the best
Regards,
SassyChic!
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At least he’s taking precaution whiles cheating. Confront him. If you find the evidence then confront him.
Some guys are really stupid and Silly.In this modern world..why would u waste ur money on a mere girlfrnd’s education? whn there are so many bunch of girls around.
hmmm so either someone took all ya dosh and broke your heart or your just stingy sod…great way to advertise yourself to unsuspecting females and if you’re already hooked up then damn I feel sorry for ya woman. Listen this is the thing. If God blesses you with a good decent woman you paying for her education would be an investment for both your futures. when she gets a good job out of the education you supported her with that will only be a blessing for you both unless you pref a house wife…When you look after your woman she will look after you and be there for you…geez and here I was thinking we’re in the 21st century
Hello Dear hold on to yr faith,there is time for every thing,he will surely come back for good.
i will say pretend you don’t know about what he is doing and just go along with him and treat him good as a baby with no nagging, and argument and hive him a helping hand with his problems. And when he is going to bed and start thinking about what happen during the day, you will cross his mind and he will start appreciating you and what you do for him and will stop cheating in order not to loose you,cos he will not take the risk of leaving you,for someone who wouldn’t treat him good as you do. and please try and save what he give you for your educational needs and use it to start some business because guys like independent girls.and don’t forget to prepare good meal and wash his things all the time without waiting for him to tell you to do so. take care