MUST READ: It Seems God Only Created Africa

6 min

Africa MapMy recent observation regarding prophecies and deliverance preaching on TV is that it is only the African pastors who choose to channel their preaching through prophesy, casting out of demons and the usual family curses and blood sucking altars in our family houses.

An African dreaming of sitting on a train will be quickly interpreted as ‘the person’s life is slow or someone is dragging them back in life’, while a non-African will just go about his day to day activities with no care in the world.

African presidents are always seen in dreams dying or about to die. Or nearing elections, the African pastor gets revelations that this or that person will win. The question therefore is, is it only Africa God created or He created the whole universe as the Bible teaches us?

Why it appears that the ‘God of Africa’ is different from the ‘Universal God’

The God of Africa is very kind, but extremely kind to ‘His’ agents (pastors).

He blesses them with 3-5 jets without even ‘dashing’ one to the usher who is on her/his feet throughout the service. I just laughed when the pope mentioned that priests should ride humble cars.

Our God does not bless African pastors (priests) with humble cars – ‘He’ does bless them with the latest rides in town…

In Africa, nothing works without prayer. Right from election rigging to writing an exam, you need to pray. You can refuse to learn but pray and fast and your answers will ‘just appear on the paper’.

If a particular political party is gathered and planning on how to ‘chop’ all the money in the country’s coffers or how to inflate or deflate monies meant for contracts, a prayer is needed to kick start the meeting.

One thing you must understand is that being a worshipper in Africa has nothing to do with character, humility, empathy, sympathy or righteousness. Chasing olive oil and holy water will take us to our ‘Canaan land’ (promised land). The pastor teaches you the way he made his wealth – by giving the little he had to the poor, and that will be enough testimony for us to also create wealth.

By following the pastor’s footsteps, we give our hard-earned money to the ‘already rich pastor but poor in spirit’ with the hope that we’ll also be automatically elevated to the status of the pastor who already owns businesses, a school and the latest cars in town. What happened to the hungry neighbour we know so well has nothing to eat? – Oh, he/she will not x-press us to heaven…….

The God of Africa dabbles in politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. You state categorically that your victory was an ‘act of God’ – ‘He’ chose to reward you (the president) with political success.

Since we the masses fear God, how can we complain or question God about the ‘thou shalt not steal’ commandment?

The African God detests quiet worship – the louder, the better.

Don’t get it twisted, ‘He’ is not deaf or hard to hear, ‘He’ just appreciates the noise. Because ‘He’ told Joshua to shout 7 times and bring down the wall of Jericho and since we just love to do everything double double, and receive blessings not particularly meant for us, we shout and counter shout so that the wall will come down mightily. Disturb all the neighbours in the neighbourhood and condemn them to hell when they complain.

It is only in Africa that barrenness, sickness, not succeeding, an autistic child, someone with dyslexia, stunted growth (dwarfism), albinism and other genetic disorder is caused by witches and wizards in our villages.

We live unhealthy lifestyles and the devil is blamed for our lifestyles. So, instead of hospitals, we visit the agent of the God of Africa to cast out the devils in us. If we’re not lucky, the agent will cast the devil externally and internally and we won’t bat an eye because he is the Lord, our deliverance depends solely on him.

If we don’t turn out well, it is either our mother or grandmother signed a pact with a river at Paga to get all our blessings (is that not what we always hear). We then go and stand on the mountains and pray to claim all our blessings back when our poor mothers do not even know the way to Paga. A hot tempered child will just take away his/her mothers’ life because of some ill-decisions he has taken in life.

READ ALSO: Africa, The Continent Of Dogmatic Superstitions Where Witches Fly On Brooms In This 21st Century

In Africa, if your neighbour is not a Christian (the majority), anything else the person believes in is ‘not the way, the truth and the light’. If the person is not a Muslim, he or she is an infidel.

If the person doesn’t believe there is a God, he/she is lost in transition. In Africa, religious practitioners do not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults our religion, we know what to do – kill them anyhow possible, either by weapons or by mouth! Simply put, we are not under any obligation to be nice or kind to people who do not share our views or not in the same worship circle as us.

*(Treading carefully)* The God in Africa only gave nine commandments instead of ten. There is nothing like ‘love your neighbour as yourself’.

Our neighbour is the one who shares the same moral views as us – because ‘Iron sharpens iron’ and ‘we should not yoke with unbelievers’. If someone looks like a gay, talk about homosexuality or even talk in favour of gays, oh my God, you MUST hate the person with passion or fire will burn you.

The homosexual does not deserve courtesy, the person must be killed – call all the zoo names you can ever think of.

What will the worshippers say if you call someone ugly – God created everyone in his own image so everything God created is beautiful – so what about the gay guy next door? Was he not created by God? Enough said!

We attribute everything to the African God even if it was gained through dubious means. ‘It is by the grace of God’, the usual motto. It is like the African God gave an uncommon wisdom to defraud and steal. Diversion of public funds is always a blessing from God!

The miracles we enjoy as worshippers are profound in Africa – from curing of blindness, deafness to HIV. Unfortunately, the God of Africa does not cure CORRUPTION!

*The worshippers of the God of Africa compared to the Universal God do not like the truth in anyway. If you call some African pastors criminals, you are the anti-Christ; therefore to prevent the African God-fearing patron labelling you an anti-Christ, you channel your thoughts through sarcasm*!

Sassy Chic


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