The number of single parents keeps rising and it appears it’s becoming the order of the day. Sometime past, women resort to abortions when men refuse a pregnancy, but in recent times, the ladies go ahead to have the kids even if the men are not interested…
Single parenting may be due to relationship breakdown (when there are incompatibility issues), sudden death of a spouse, and primary custody after divorce. Some ladies even have the children without the knowledge of the men. Some single parents find it easy when starting another relationship and others get it tough because of the kids…
As a single parent, sometimes there may be the need to escape from who you are. It is not everyone who is comfortable being with a single parent. No person wants to be refused or turned down so it is a natural feeling to sometimes want to hide a part of yourself and, at times, your own children.
Some people hide the kids with the intention of ‘spilling the beans’ when they’re cocksure the relationship is on firm grounds. Some get away with the lie (initially) and pay dearly with the truth when the subject of marriage comes up – then they’re channelled back to singlehood after year(s) of building the relationship.
Women (apart from divorcees and widows) find it much harder telling a new man in their life about her kid(s). So they either hide the kid(s) when they start dating or give up the whole idea of another relationship by devoting their time to their kids (eternal singlehood). Men on the other hand find it much easier telling the new woman – especially if the kids are with the estranged wife/partner and some if not majority of women don’t mind dating a man with kids. When a single parent decides to start dating, when is the best time to tell the new man/woman about the kid(s)?
From a personal point of view, a human being is too cumbersome to hide. We can always hide our flaws and shortcomings but not a child. Being upfront about your status is much better because the longer it takes, the more difficult it become.
Having him/her ‘fall’ for you first before you mention that you have a child may not be as beneficial to you as it would be for him/her getting to know you. Wouldn’t you want to know up front if this lady/guy is accepting you as a single mom/dad? In any case, there is no need to hide the “mom/dad” title that you possess so accept it as you date. The information we collect or give consciously or unconsciously from people we’re getting to know add up to the decisions we make regarding where and what the ‘relationship’ will/should be.
For instance, I have a child whom I cannot even go two sentences without bringing him up. Apart from some places I will definitely not take him, he’s always with me and I cannot introduce him as someone else or keep him out of the picture just to keep a man. If I want someone to like me, I prefer them to like me as a mom too because it’s so much of what I am. How can you not say anything about that when introducing yourself? It’s a part of who I am so I cannot hide it. Some people even don’t believe me anyway.
There is nothing like ‘early days’ when dating i.e. you don’t want to mention it too early to scare him/her away, but not too late to make him/her think you were hiding it. Either way, you lose – that’s why you put it all out there upfront. It’s not everyone who likes surprises and a child is definitely not one to surprise someone with. Keeping that very important information for any amount of time, for fear of not being liked or loved or whatever reason is ridiculous.
Some people don’t mind accepting you and your ‘baggage’. Don’t get me wrong, there are others who would run like hell from that situation but you don’t want to seriously date them anyway. No matter the situation, now is the best time to say….’oh, by the way, I’ve got a kid/s! How difficult is that? A child is for you, a man/woman is not.