You are an artist… You have gone from begging DJ’s (both known and unknown) of local radio stations to play your tracks, (bribing them actually), and have graduated to getting a record deal and being invited for live shows and performances. The music is doing well, even bus drivers know the chorus and can actually rhyme it in their sleep, not to talk about students – they play your songs in the hostels and at parties.
In fact the music is doing so well; you have stopped hanging out at those local joints and can now afford the originals of those knock-off designer shades you used to wear. You have moved to the city or you are thinking of doing so. Great job!
All is well… But you need to work extra hard get nominated for those African/International Music Awards (not Ghana) that are always or usually won by Nigerians. What you need is that world class video to go with that hit song. Even if you receive that award alone, it’s still international – it counts to your success.
N/B: If you’re an upcoming musician or you’ve ‘arrived’ and have not earned one of those shiny statues, take note.
What to do you do then?
You need to think of a good location to shoot your video. Years ago, musicians were shooting their music videos right in front of the famous National Theatre or a by big flower bed at the Trade Fair Site but it’s all outmoded. TV3 studios? Come off it! You don’t need to take that long route. The cash is there, your tracks are already popular. You need to do it big. Because you can afford it, snub Ghana. A rough downtown street in South Africa is much better than the most picturesque part of Ghana.
A good music video is one shot in South Africa, or Europe or you know where, the exotic cities. Don’t argue. And if you can afford to do it in London, make sure the director includes in the opening, ‘London, UK’, just in case we miss the narrow London Streets and houses we always hear about from the has-beens.
Even if the cash is not that ‘plenty’, have faith and ‘ship’ all your crew to a foreign land and shoot that plenty $$$ video. Come back to Ghana, play on our intelligence and double the figure (as if publicity stunt work on Ghanaians) – don’t forget to add your burger bill to the ‘value of the video’
Because there has to be some sensuous dance in your video it will be important to get a lot of girls for your video. When auditioning, breasts have to be more than sufficient – I mean plenty cleavage (for me) and yes she has to be bootylicious (whatever that means) – maybe. Early in the video make sure you show the body of a woman. Preferably, the lucky one/s should dance with her behind facing the camera. Please note: she should wear close to nothing!
If you love our Ghana country to bits and you’re patriotic enough, you can still shoot the video here but please pay attention to details. To show you have taste, you need to have that odd white girl dancing like an ‘atupa hemaa’ (you know what) in addition to the many black girls with horrid weave and excessive, not forgetting the oily makeup.
More than one white girl is great. If you can’t find a white girl, get a pretty mixed race girl with long hair from Oxford Street. If you still cannot find any, what the heck, show flashing clips of a mixed race girl in the video… We will think she is white. Worst case scenario, get a really light skinned girl and let her wear a really long greasy weave or wig. Let her wear green or blue contact lenses (as if we’ll even notice). We will think she is mixed race. After all many of us prefer things from ‘abrokyire’ than Kantamanto.
So far so good. Then, the pool scene. Every party is done near a pool with naked girls. If you can’t get a pool, use a Jacuzzi or a big bath tub with people drinking wine, champagne and smoking cigars. Please, no beer and don’t forget flashy sports car! You don’t know where to get a cool flashy ride or the budget cannot stretch that far? They can add that in Post production using the computers. It’s pretty easy.
You will be shocked at the results when you see yourself singing beside or inside a car you have never touched in your life. And you will silently say a prayer for the white man who invented computers. That prayer is in order.
It is only a matter of time until your first shiny ‘African/international’ award will come your way, and please don’t forget the free consultancy you received on GhanaCelebrities.Com. Before the ‘excessive’ amount of money start rolling in and you start singing ‘Y’all ready know’ – send me my cut.
Did I mention shades…please let your shades stay on – it is a hall mark of a Ghanaian musician!
I hope you got the vibe…LOL