It has become alarming the rate at which divorce cases are flying around but I can’t say I am surprised though… Love has become a game of “the survival of the fittest”! Everything is so fast paced in our society these days: we’re talking fast food, fast wi-fi, fast cars, fast money, fast fame, fast talkers, heck – fast everything!

So it wouldn’t be presumptuous to add “fast love” to the list! I mean, take a second to think about it…

A typical relationship that is lucky enough to have crossed the sacred line into marriage, after the sweet courtship, expensive engagement and wedding (they probably took a loan), blissful honeymoon and three year old toddler. You would think a ‘happily ever after’ would follow but before those words can even form a complete sentence, we hear about the file for divorce! Why? I’ll tell you why…

It’s simply because we choose the fastest way out. As soon as there is too much pressure; as soon as we settle and get past the initial “butterflies-in-stomach” stage and the relationship is no longer on auto pilot, we simply decide to crash. We leave the wreck we caused, nurse our wounds and hop on the next available flight of rosiness (I won’t call it love) and the cycle continues.

After more than a few emotional crashes, we give up and blame it on everything but ourselves.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that at the initial dating stages, there must be an acceptable level of attraction. There must be passion, warmth, euphoria… you name it. You cannot force these feelings because they are either there or not. I agree. (Although there are some exceptions, for example, I didn’t quite feel anything for my first boyfriend. But with time, I grew into him).

What I do not agree with however, is this notion that relationships or marriages must end or that they cannot be sustained once the aforementioned feelings begin to depreciate. Is it really possible to be on a constant high? To re-live the honey moon stage of a relationship forever? How realistic is this? Isn’t this the reason why a lot of people give up on good relationships and move on to another, only to discover after a few years or challenges, that they’ve “lost” their feelings for their partner? This pretty much creates a cycle of broken relationships.

I think people need to start to appreciate a more mature understanding of love. If you speak to elderly people who have been married for 30 years plus, the discussions would give an insight into the realities that come with sustaining a long term relationship. Love is not a constant feeling. It evolves. It could start out as “lust or infatuation”- characterized by feelings of excitement, warmth, butterflies and so on. But then it gradually evolves into more stable feelings of friendship, compatibility and loyalty. Some people might find this stage boring but it is an inevitable aspect of a long term relationship. Relationships will hardly stand the test of time if people do not adjust or reform their approaches to relationships.

I found this somewhere: There are differences between mature love and infatuation. Infatuation is an intense, seductive and all consuming effect on the body and emotions. The physical attraction is passionate and feels like you are together as one. When you are infatuated with someone it is hard to concentrate on anything.

Real love is a mature love. There is no urgency and there is no overwhelming feeling of intensity as with infatuation. It is like friendship that grows and deepens as your relationship meets the realities of the days and weeks of your lives. Mature love is all about trust and there is a general understanding about each partner’s role and feelings of value.

So when the engines of our relationships fail, let us learn to stick it out and make it work. We might come out with a few bruises but hey, what don’t kill you will only make you stronger, right?