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Love & Relationship

How To Deal With Heartbreak-Part 1

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At some point in your life (if not already) the proverbial “shit happens” and all you want to do after that is figure out how to get over a broken heart. If it hasn’t happened already, it might or you may just be one of those lucky few who are able to cruise through their entire life with just one loving mate. But to the awful tons of people who aren’t that lucky and have broken up, still crying their hearts out over a dead relationship or still licking their wounds, this may be an eye opener.

Life can be harsh at times and break-ups can be painful, but you’ve got to move along. Your ex partner has moved on, haven’t they? So what’s holding you back? I know it’s hard and it will take a while to get past it but there’s no happy ending in looking for a little ray of sunshine by hovering around.

Perhaps the break up was mutual (most mutual break ups don’t hurt that much) but if your heart still aches and you’re the only one suffering then my guess is that you are still in love with your ex. And the love is one sided! If it was real ‘mutual’ love (till both your dying breaths) then why did they walk out and why are they having fun right now whilst you gorge your eyes out?

Yes, I know he/she was the only one that mattered to you and now your heart is split in two and you don’t think you can last a minute without that person by your side but trust me, it will pass. Some of us survived it and so can you.

As difficult as it may seem, you need to understand that you have mourned enough.  To help you along that journey of self discovery and acceptance of the fact that there are many more fish in the sea, here is every single thing you need to do to ensure a speedy recovery and a quick jump into happy land…

Get it to definitely end – First things first, be sure it is over. Your partner has probably told you something like, “Hey, I don’t think we can go on. I’m really sorry but it’s just too hard. I still like you a lot though…” Lines like these are the reason your heart still aches.  Soft words make you feel like there could still be a chance, even if it’s in the far future and you keep hope alive.

You will be stuck forever. What you need is a clear answer that they want to break up with you because they’ve had enough of you. Try getting those words out of their mouth and you will feel a lot better, even if it hurts initially. Give them the opportunity to yell that they hate you and never want to see you again. Believe me, that is a better option than dancing on coals trying to decide if your ex is still in love with you or not.

No sad sappy songs – This one is quite logical. Music has a HUGE amount of control over human emotions, especially if you are this vulnerable. If a sad song comes on the radio, change it to a more upbeat one. If it’s a song that was special to you and your ex, turn it off or throw the player out of your window. It is NOT a sign. Force yourself to listen to fun, exhilarating music instead of sad sappy ones. Music can be therapeutic, it will jump start the healing process.

Shove those drinks aside – The urge to drown your sorrows in the liquor bottle can be impulsive and overwhelming but getting back to the real you should be the major priority. Alcohol may help you forget the pain for a few hours but the next morning will definitely come (if you don’t kill yourself in the process) and you would be right back where you started plus the splitting headaches and lousy feelings in your stomach. Not a very smart choice. You need to feel like you’re in total control of your life not the opposite and then some.

Lose all contact – You need to break all contact with your ex or the process so far would be a waste of time and you will relapse and eventually end up in the psychiatric ward. Don’t beg or cry. Don’t drunk dial (see why you should avoid the bottle). Don’t send them mushy emails. Don’t spend all day reading their Facebook pages (Delete them and don’t look back).  Don’t send packages or CD’s. Don’t dedicate a song to them in an effort to woo them back. Get the picture? Let them find you if they want to. And if you do end up back in their arms because of all the groveling, it will be short lived – a relationship based on pity. Walk away for good.

It’s a slow and gradual process en route to total recovery so I won’t bombard you with everything just yet. Start your baby steps with these now and progress from there.

I will be back with more so stay tuned.



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