Loving someone is a good feeling; having a good companion with whom to grow and mature with is bliss…therefore marriage is good. What some of us seem not to understand is that our motives for choosing a marriage partner also contributes to how a marriage will fare at the end of the day.

People whose primary reason is to marry for companionship, have children with someone they believe would be a good co-parent or even someone that will help them stay focused or committed in life — may generally have longer and perhaps better marriages because their choices are made for a defined purpose or their motive to marry is unquestionable. Additionally, their expectations of marriage and what they seek in their partners is very realistic. Unfortunately, some people’s motive for marriage or marrying a particular person is either good or desirable.

Due to harsh economic times, people have sacrificed character on the altar of shallow stuff or ‘living comfortably’. A person’s character is the least of people’s worry these days because a lady will ask you ‘am I going to eat character’. Character and attitude is what really define a real person.

There are marriages where money is not the problem, yet a moment’s peace in such homes remains a scarce commodity. People in such marriages will tell you that they will choose differently, if they can turn back the hand of time. For as long as our motives for the choice of a marriage partner remains superficial, there is no way the marital institution will not continue to take a turn for the worse. If a man/woman is a ticket out of your terrible life or is your meal ticket (your survival) – Except you’re going into a union solely for economic or pleasure reasons, in that case-be rest assured that the days of such a marriage are numbered.

Some men marry girls they really don’t want to be with; out of guilt (I call it pity). They feel the girl (with the intention of being a wife) has stayed with them long enough so the only thing left for them to do is to compensate them (with marriage) and they owe them for whatever…. Sounds really romantic!!!

You don’t use marriage as payment for anything, whatever we do for people in relationships, we should do it because we want to but if it’s done with an expectation to get something back – you’re bound to enter the Guinness Book of Records with the highest number of heartbreaks. You can’t be with somebody and stamp ‘he/she will marry me’ on that relationship. No bro/sis, it doesn’t work that way – otherwise we’ll all be in our 2/3/4/5^th marriage by now.

No need to re-echo the fears of forever being single or dying alone motive – why don’t you remain single instead of a chronic divorcee? Because the motive of marrying is not clear. As for those who marry ladies from their respective countries to come and work and see them through school—I really don’t know whether to place them in the good or bad motives because there have been more horror endings than happy endings…

It is not what happens in marriage that causes divorce, it is what was ignored before marriage. Sometimes, before thinking of marrying someone, it’s best to ask yourself ‘what if I am not….’ Or ‘what if I have not…’ will the person still marry me? The motive with which people marry these days…… Right from the first day of marriage to the time they call it quit, women especially, are already calculating their ‘end of service benefits’ due them when they decide to leave the marriage.

The next time you see a lady marrying a well-known cheat (who is very well to do/has the potential of being…), she’s not silly neither is she blinded by love – she’s got motive; it’s just a matter of time! After all, to them, being a divorcee these days is nothing to be ashamed of.

Whatever the motive of marriage is – it should not be one that the man/woman is always in agony, heavy financial loss to one whilst the other is smiling to the bank (this you can’t run away from sometimes). We should marry because we have good reasons to, not to appease anyone, not to belong and not to make one hate men/women in general because of a choice he/she made. Whatever the case is, your motive counts…