I often wonder how a guy/girl will be with someone for a very long time, they break-up and one marries another after a short period of dating (courting). I asked myself what he/she was ‘looking out for’ in the other person for so long and didn’t find it but quickly found it in another for half the period of time (he/she was with the other) with the now husband/wife…Then I got to know one thing…A good boyfriend/girlfriend does not necessarily mean he/she will be a good husband/wife.

When you meet someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, you don’t only look at what they are or what they’re doing today, but how their way of life is likely to turn out in the future. That’s what draws the line between the good boyfriend/girlfriend and the good husband/wife. We don’t concern ourselves about what potentially good husbands/wives do in the future but what they’re doing now. Sometimes (or all of the time), tomorrow does not take care of itself you know, we have to take care of it (even though it’s unseen).

It’s not to say that (all) girlfriends/boyfriends cannot be a good wives/husbands or we should be looking for potential husbands/wives in people we want to have a relationship with, but I believe that when we get to a certain age (if you intend to marry), you should be on the lookout for one who also wants the same thing as you. If it doesn’t work out that way or to the stage you wanted it to, at least you leave with something – a lesson!

If the man/woman you intend to marry is not so concerned about the future but can provide you with all the fun you need for today, then something is very wrong – I’m not saying that we worry so much about the future and cease living ‘now’ but after some year/s after saying your ‘I do’, children will start rearing their heads so investing in the future is crucial because that is where you live the rest of your lives. Fun is good, possessing the latest bag and shoe is also good – but you don’t live life like there’s no tomorrow.

As ladies, we sometimes get carried away by what ‘good’ boyfriends do and a good boyfriend in a woman’s book is one who digs deep into his pocket and a good girlfriend in some men’s book is one who can ‘wind the waist’ to the highest heavens….But does that constitute a marriage in the first place? Every man/woman can be a good boyfriend with minimal effort by faking and more faking. A good husband/wife needs to be insightful, a good planner, one who can sacrifice, dedicate and sustain the home and a ‘faker’ can definitely not do that!

I think we should have a principle that ‘we’ll not start what we cannot sustain in a relationship’ – then we’ll have less of ‘he/she changed’ because change doesn’t happen overnight and mind you, familiar and learned habit is more comfortable than change.