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Love & Relationship

Will You Marry Me? The Heart Says NO; The Lips Says YES!

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It seems Africans have embraced the foreign ‘engagement’ these days. When a man proposes to a woman, they say they are engaged unlike the traditional method where bride price changes hands before one can be said to be engaged. Some proposals these days is more of a public affair than a private one and due to the ‘surprise romantic treat’ of being proposed to in front of people you don’t even know from Adam, one sometimes accepts a proposal when he/she never meant to say yes in the first place – sometimes even if you give them a year notice. The lips accept to marry the person but not the heart.

I think most of these ‘public show’ of proposal is to avoid any ‘unforeseen’ circumstances. It might truly be a romantic gesture or in a bid to put the ‘proposee’ in an awkward position when they’re not sure what the outcome will be. It’s not everyone who finds it funny when a surprise springs up from nowhere and has to take a decision there and then, especially if they’ve never thought about marrying the ‘proposer’ in the first place.

Sometimes this ‘engagement’ thing is a clever word that some men use to get a lady (that is choking them with marriage talks) off their back. Otherwise, how do you explain a situation whereby a man and woman are almost enjoying ‘marriage privileges’ (living together etc.) with each other but can’t seem to get themselves to do the real thing ,even when money is not the problem? There are some people who have been ‘fianceeing’ each other for years. While the man insists he is not married, the lady will claim she is married!

Some marriages are suffering because one person’s heart was elsewhere and he/she went ahead with the marriage. Others too didn’t want to marry that particular person in the first place but had to make do with them due to one thing or the other. You don’t worry yourself and someone else’s child because you were sparing their feelings. Things done half-heartedly are better not done at all…

In some relationships, you write your introduction with someone, in others, you help others to write their last page and someone else ends the final journey with them and vice versa. When you’ve been through all the ups and down of relationships – in your final journey, you stand so strong because there are things you’ve been through in time past so you know how to nip those things in the bud when they start creeping up. Experience will teach you more of what you need to know.

My mum always said to me: ‘There are some people when you entangle yourself with; they quicken your steps to an early grave by draining life out of you. They bring nothing but sorrow’

It’s not all relationships that should necessarily end up at the altar. You can always buy a ring but it doesn’t take a ring to marry your choice or who your heart accepts/does not accept. If you don’t get the band, it’s not your fault things didn’t work out.

People seek different things in boyfriend/girlfriend settings and seek other things in marriage settings. Most of the relationships around these days are ‘walking dead’ relationships, because one person has mentally checked out already and the other is unaware. Sometimes, we have to embrace being alone and rediscover ourselves and what we really want in life and in a potential spouse.

Anytime a proposal comes your way, let your lips and your heart answer in unison, a yes or a no. The yes you said by ‘mistake’ carries a consequence, you’d be marrying somebody that you don’t want to be married to for the rest of your life.



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4 thoughts on “Will You Marry Me? The Heart Says NO; The Lips Says YES!”

  1. What an article. Great reflective thinker…Hmmm, Chris, you’ve really got very good relationship and lifestyle writer/s oh.

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