As a woman, getting into the bed of a man matters a lot to me and I place value on getting intimate with any man. More importantly, as an African woman, I did not grow up with casual s*x being part of my upbringing so I’ve not been part of that world.
However, living in America has taught me a lot. I have come across several women who see nothing about casual s*x. I even have friends who have such arrangements with men—and they call these men-banging mates.
I cannot understand how they are able to sleep with people who they have no affection for, or do not have any long term plans with—but it works for them and as such, I respect their position.
What I’ve realize about most men that I’ve met is, even if you open your legs for them on the first day you meet them or after your first date, they will gladly jump in there and do whatever they want for you. The psychology of men when it comes to intimacy is pretty ‘messed up’.
Despite the fact that I know several women who are in the banging mate and casual bang world, I also know those who have rules as to when it is right to go into the bedroom with a man—no matter how cute, rich, intelligent or promising the man seems to be.
Interestingly, I have been told that a man who will stay will stay and the one who will leave will leave, no matter how long or quick you open your legs for him. So a man can follow a woman for 1 year and eventually when he gets what he wants, he will disappear into thin air. Same way, you can meet a guy today and open your legs for him today and he will stay with you—and not disappear.
I’ve had some bad experiences with ghost men, who just disappear after sometimes—even though I make them wait for at least 2 months before getting intimate. To me, making a man wait too long will push him away and giving him your precious pie too quick will also make you seem cheap.
Therefore, a minimum of two months wait is my rule, before I will get into bed with any person. It has worked but not always…
The question I am asking is; what is your rule? Has it worked? What has your experience been? How long do you make them wait or do you wait before getting into bed? And what is the quickest someone has wanted it from you? If you are a man reading this, tell us about your experience too…