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Thelma Louis

That’s Just Me…

Thelma Louis
Thelma Louis

I don’t like to stay in bed an entire day having sex or talking about it. I am an intelligent specie who would like to be engaged in other intelligent activities.  That’s just me.

I don’t like waiting in line for a table or making do with the table near the bathroom when I have been picked up for an arranged dinner date. Reserve a table, damn it! That’s just me.

I don’t like sleeping on dark sheets or stained mattresses and pillows. I prefer them white, it tells me if someone has been sleeping in it before me and as for those stains I’d rather not let my imagination run wild. That’s just me.

I don’t like to be reminded of how tough the world is and how unnecessary certain purchases are when I am shopping with my own money. And as for those bored looks and constant sighs I get every time I change my mind about a dress… Well you aren’t getting any TLC if you keep that up. That’s just me.

I don’t like to be told a zillion times to try another dish on the menu card when I have clearly indicated what I want. And please don’t tell me I can order ‘anything’ and then insist I go for the cheaper option. That’s just me.

I don’t like to kiss or be kissed after several hours of sleep. And it doesn’t make it any easier that you didn’t brush your teeth the night before. Oh and it’s definitely not okay to give me ‘head’ or ask for one under those circumstances. That’s just me.

I don’t care to listen to stories about your life, that of your family and friends for the duration of an entire date. I don’t really know them, there’s so much excitement I can derive from talking about strangers and as for those stories concerning your ex’s lets just not go there. That’s just me.

I don’t like that after lending you money that you clearly indicated you will return to me, I have to constantly remind you about paying back. And don’t tell me your cold attitude has nothing to do with the fact that I actually took the money back when you finally returned it to me. That’s just me.

I don’t like your hands anywhere near my body when you have picked your teeth with a toothpick after eating. Wash those hands, damn it.  And don’t even think of kissing me with all that blood oozing from your gums. Gaggle some mouthwash. That’s just me.

I don’t like to talk or make out when we are watching the movie I’ve craved for an entire year. This is not the time to get horny or emotional or argumentative or needy. And it’s not cool to talk to your mother or ‘the boys’ during this time especially if nobody is dying. That’s just me.

I don’t like to engage in a chat when I am on the loo nor do I find it sexy that you hover at the door. And when it’s your turn please don’t ask me to bring your phone to you. It helps to think of you in the sweetest places when I am watching your nostrils flare in loud snores at night. That’s just me.

I don’t like to listen to your voice instead of Tina Turner’s when her song is playing on the radio. And it’s not very sexy that you know the words of all the songs on my favorite Kwabena Kwabena cd. That’s just me.

I don’t like that you are the clown at every party and I certainly don’t appreciate you getting every girl’s desert for them at the table. You don’t need to laugh the loudest and sometimes silence is truly golden. You don’t have to dance to every song or show the world how well you can break dance. That’s just me.

I don’t like to be touched immediately after I have had an orgasm and I can’t certainly be ready to go again five minutes later. Your screams of ‘come with me’ won’t make me run any faster and won’t crack the juice to pour. In fact I may just need a ‘nipple’ replacement at the rate at which you are twisting them. That’s just me.

He looked at me quietly for what seemed like an eternity and then he smiled. He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. I relaxed. For a moment there I thought I had said too much. It was our second date and he had insisted I tell him my pet peeves.

After the drinks came he excused himself to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later the waiter handed me a note. I looked around, wondering which guy was trying to get fresh with me at the absence of my date. I couldn’t spot any obvious offenders so I proceeded to read the note.

‘I don’t like you! That’s just me’

My date had bolted.
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Thelma Louis” is a new GhanaCelebrities.Com weekly column with no borders on the speed and distance it will take your imagination, while tackling some of our everyday issues—in reality and in fantasy.

All Thelma Louis’ write up will be filed under her name column-Thelma Louis.



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9 thoughts on “That’s Just Me…”

  1. This is a good one! Hei Lady, your date is a coward who hates the truth! But seriously must you empty all of this on him on a date? Even if he asked for it? Imagine he said the reverse of all of that to you, how would you have taken it? It’s an act to know when and what to say….a bit of wisdom would do!. Good one there Thelma!

    Reply
  2. Wow! After reading all these i’ve come to realise that i agree with almost everything thelma said.especially the clean white beadsheet part.lol.

    Reply
  3. I can relate to this a lot especially the no touching for sometime after I come. Men thinks after you come you want more. They don’t know you need to be left alone to re energize lol

    Reply
  4. I can relate to you. I only sleep on white bed sheets. I make exceptions when I sleep outside my home. Once a roommate had his female friend sleep on my white sheets and the stains left on it helped me to catch him. That was just nasty.

    Reply

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