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So I Married a Nigerian + My Experience So Far…

black woman

 

This piece is based on my own personal experiences so there tends to be some generalization.

Hi everybody, I am a Ghanaian lady who got married this year to a handsome, sweet and God-fearing Nigerian man. A number of people asked me if all the men in Ghana were taken but chale one cannot fight God’s will. I would not trade my husband for anything or anybody. I must say that Nigerian men are very confident and seem to be trained to take on responsibility at an early age (this is not saying Ghanaian men aren’t). They stand tall with confidence and are not fazed by hard and trying times. There seems to be a deep rooted belief that ‘one day one day’ all will be well.

I was quite surprised that my dad, who normally goes on and on with respect to his opinions, did not object to me marrying a Naija man. His first statement was “I hope you are not being pressurized to marry?” My dad and I are not really close but I loved him for that question. There I was thinking I was going to have to recruit my mom to fight this love war for me. I happily replied, “No.” He went on to ask the usual questions a father would ask and then he made another powerful statement, ” I really don’t mind if my children marry non-Ghanaians, the two most important things are the person should be honest and have a good temper”.

Wow, I was shocked that was all that mattered to him. I know my mom had already said that none of her children should marry non-believers but I was confused regards my dad’s words. I always thought he would be a bit tribalistic and worry about social status etc. His words made me realise that he may be more down to earth than he appeared. He had highlighted a fact that some women ignore. Yes, honesty and temperament does come to mind but not before looks, finances, job security and status to name a few.

Oh, so lest I forget, he also gave me examples of many Ghana-Nigerian relationships that have been successful and his one advice to me was to think of myself as a Nigerian when I relocate. It dawned on me that as humans, we react based on our experiences and beliefs as well as evidence of certain circumstances. My dad believed, tribe wasn’t an issue but rather the principles one guided his life with. His observation of successful inter-country marriages had also made him more open to the news I shared with him. All I can say is Thank God.

The pre-wedding period was not void of calamity but by Gods grace the wedding was a success. Did I mention that my maid-of-honour and I had promised to ‘whoop’ my husband and his best man on the dance floor (knowing that my husband was a total klutz at dancing). Eiiii, we received the surprise of a lifetime. My husband and I still argue about the fact that he deceived me into thinking he couldn’t dance to save his life. Naija really dealt with Ghana that day. But I give God the glory because my desire for him went a notch higher if you know what I mean.

Anyway fast forward to me relocating to Nigeria after the wedding. 

I must say that the media has not done justice to Nigeria. In fact some Nigerians have not done justice to do their own country especially those who find it entertaining to tell negative stories pertaining to their country. Tales of armed robberies, girls Brazilian weaves being scraped off their scalp, cultists controlling school activities, cars being snatched in daylight, people being duped left right centre, unfriendly citizens who are always in a rush, mini buses (danfos) which never stop for passengers and people being bewitched created a kaleidoscope of fear which trailed me to Nigeria.

Allegedly, instead of the usual ‘Welcome to Nigeria’ sign, visitors are welcomed to the country with a big signboard saying ‘Shine your eyes’ which means be street-smart (I never saw this though). This did not stop me from putting on my ‘hard girl swag’ as soon as I stepped out of the airport. And by the way, the airport officials are really friendly and seem to love Ghanaians especially when they know you are married to one of their own.

My first thought as we were driving home was this looks like Ghana with a better road network and larger population of course. The mini-buses (danfos) scared me with their speed and recklessness but I was happy to see that they actually stopped to pick and drop off their passengers. Going into the neighborhoods, I realised there were also the motorbikes (okadas) and tricycles (keke napep) to contend with and I wondered if I could ever drive in Nigeria. Expressing my thoughts to my husband, he said “What is there? you will get used to it”.

Our home was comfortable and the neighborhood a peaceful one except those few hours (we actually had electricity supply for about 16 hours a day) the whole area was engulfed in the hum of generators. I had to quickly adjust to this and I bless my husband for having an inverter (battery which stores power) in addition to a generator set which ensured we had electricity 24/7.

I liked how well-planned areas were with salons, eateries, churches, fuel stations, supermarkets and the small local markets a short driving distance away. We could get anything we wanted without heading onto the express (highway).I was a bit anxious about going to the market, fearing alleged pick-pockets and rude sellers. On the contrary, I was met by friendly market-women whose aggression stemmed from their desire to make a good ends meet. They patiently explained things to me when I was confused and they taught me a few buying and selling expressions. I only seem to remember ‘e she Ma’ meaning thank you Ma.

I couldn’t help but notice that Nigerians (middle and high-class) hardly purchased street-food which was contrary to what I observed in Ghana. There were just some foods you would prefer to buy by the road-side including kelewele (spicy fried plantain), waakye, roasted plantain, kenkey to name a few and I craved them. I have seen roasted plantain (boli) and kooko and koose (akara) being sold in Nigeria but have not attempted to buy. Of course Nigerian suya has been a healthy option embraced by all and I begun to get used to it till the emergence of Ebola.

Churches in Nigeria are humongous and this is equally matched by their spirituality. It is amazing how deeply rooted their faith in God is. It is touching to see a man with his whole family going to church and worshiping God with all their mind, body and soul, regardless of their status in society. They seem to do it whole-heartedly and not because it is expected of them. This moved me to a higher spirituality level. During service, I sometimes edge closer to my husband, craving his warmth as I observed numerous couples adorned in garments from the same fabric. I must say that this observation of unity gave me a new perspective on marriage. Let me not forget to add that they love their country to bits, though they might be facing various challenges, and this shows in the numerous prayers that are offered for the country every single Sunday service and last Friday vigil I attend. God bless them.

Many months gone by, my husband reminds me to lock the front door after we get back from town and I go like ” oooho you too, who will come in ?” . Wow, I am sure many people will be shocked at a foreigner saying that. But that is just because Nigeria is not as bad as people depict it to be. I feel very safe day in and day out and my neighbors are really friendly people. I walk confidently with my Brazilian weave sewed on and I actually use my cell phone in public, including the busy market areas. I am not saying the crime rate is 0% but it is not so different from being in Ghana or China or the US.

Did I mention that I love Nigerian food? No wonder most of their men are so handsome and ‘fresh’ and their women are beautiful with glowing healthy skin. Their ingredients consist of so many greens, seeds and nuts, with a variety of spices. My Naija mother was so excited when I asked to eat amala and ewedu and even more delighted when I asked to learn to prepare the numerous dishes. Just yesterday I enjoyed some semolina swallow with egusi soup. Yummy!

Since I am currently applying for jobs, I have been mostly holed up at home hence was quite excited when my husband said his friend had invited us to his birthday party. Eish, I couldn’t wait. The first thing that struck me when we got there was how hospitable everyone was, checking to see if I was okay and being ever so friendly. Wow! I felt so at home and when the DJ started playing my jams, I pulled husbi to the dance floor. Staying on that dance floor for hours was made easy by the fact that Nigerians know how to groove. No fronting (forming) whatsoever.

This has been my experience so far and even though I know my sweet sexy husband has made my transition to this new environment quite easy, he couldn’t have done it without his and now my wonderful country Nigeria.

Stick with me for updates on my Naija observations in Part 2.



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33 thoughts on “So I Married a Nigerian + My Experience So Far…”

  1. By the time he finishes with you, you will run back here again and tell your story about domestic violence and your bankruptcy. He will make sure he dry your bank account and credit cards and used you as a punching bag. That is what Nigerian men do best.

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    • What?? nigerian men can spoil you to the fullest. Their motto they steal and take care of their homes. Is never true, most of my naija friends are always on top. Their men never takes from women, maybe you’re referring to those broke ass Ghanaians who does that. Everywhere has its good bad and ugly.

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      • I believe most Nigerian men make good husbands and I feel that wives don’t share it on blogs as such because they are either not used to talking about their private lives on social media or do not even have access to social media. All marriages have turpsy turns but it’s how it’s handled that matters. Another thing is, many husbands are really good but their wives have taken their husband’s goodness for granted hence no need for talking much about it. Some typical Nigerian men do not make good husbands because they either use their mother’s as yardsticks to measure their wives capabilities or have an unrealistic measure set up inside their heads as to how their wives must behave. In all, I believe that women and men both have short comings, whereas many men are sticking to the traditional spouse thing, many women decide to think outside the traditional box. This doesn’t mean that we should generalize. Men and women handle marital issues as they deem fit even when the odds are against them or in their favour. In all, we must strive to work hard to make our relationships, marriages work. My answer to the question is: Yes a typically Nigerian traditional man can make a good husband I salute my naija brothers

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      • Juicenet , I am glad you have had some great experiences with Nigerians. As you said, everywhere has its good and ugly. It’s too bad Maame hasn’t experienced the good. God bless

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    • most nigerian men are good husband material but unfortunately their ladies dont see it that way, most nigerian ladies are materialistic same goes for Ghanaian ladies . You seem to have issues with Nigerians

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    • Maame, even if you think so negative about them, why would you wish your fellow human-being such pain. Anyway your bitterness shows and I pray you move on from such negativity. All the best

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  2. You have a very we’ll balanced write up. Not all Nigerians are bad and not all are good. Lagos is a pretty awesome place to visit and the people are much friendlier and receptive than one would imagine. Maame with the comment below just spews her ignorance. Generally nigerian guys don’t sponge off women Maame…

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    • Thank you Kay. I am still discovering it and staying open-minded as such. Good and bad people are found all over the world so i am not perturbed by Maame’s words.Thank you once again

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  3. There are good men and bad men everywhere and just like the Akans say, “efie biaa mensa w) mu”. Am glad you found your good man who is a Nigerian. Stay positive and happy in your marriage. I wish you all the best.

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  4. Read this with such a huge smile on my face. I’m Nigerian, very mad about my Ghanaian bobo. If we get to that point (God willing) where he’d ask to marry me, im very ready to pack my slippers and run to Accra. Anyways, God bless your union and enjoy Naija.

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  5. Not only are Nigerian men confident, this confidence is evidence of how Nigerians are so easily visible in any public engagemens anywhere around the world. The typical jealous and envious Ghanaians have interpreted this quality as being an unneccessary overbearing assertiveness that in their own opinion is meant to dominate and attract attentions from others. Far from that; Nigerians by nature are big hearted people with big dreams who crave to do big things and also make successes their hallmark. Ghana is not very far from Nigeria and millions of Ghanaians have lived in Nigeria in the past and several Ghanaians today have made Nigeria their home, however you’ll be shocked the level misconceptions and bad press about Nigeria in Ghana that sought to equate Nigeria with a jungle not suitable for human habitation. Some Ghanaians even describe Nigeria as a failed state and that is the extent of hatred Ghanaians harbour towards Nigeria even with all the preferential economic largges Ghana enjoys from Nigeria.

    A very negative stories deliberately created, concocted or falsified and made to look damning just to satisfy the usual Ghanaian rivalry agenda with Nigeria, or to feed directly into the fighting back of the typical inferiority complex of the Ghanaian especially if issues are that is concerned Nigeria and or Nigerians. The average Nigerian is success driven minded person which is evident in the number of Nigerian businesses in Ghana that gives employments to thousands of Ghanaian families lenght and breath of Ghana. These are just a few of success story of the Nigerians that drives the Ghanaians crazy and so choose to label Nigerians all sort of names including a sustained insult and making all Nigerians look bad. The issues of Nigerian men making a better husband should not come as a surprise, most Ghanaian ladies who have had relations with Nigerian men testifies to that quality, unlike their Ghanaian men who are very miserly and are extremely measured doing things for women.

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    • Saudiq , there is no need to partake in this war game. You could be different from others by showcasing the positive things your country has to offer. Ghanaians and Nigerians are wonderful people and we do love each other no matter what. Redirect your attention from the blame game. It doesn’t help. All the best

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      • Very well Omo Ghana, I admire your forthrightness and the wisdom in your incisive advice to project the good rather than hype the negatives. your advice is taken onboard absolutely. However, how does one explain a question posed to the Chairman of Ghana Weight lifting Federation by the Commissioner of Enquiry on the 2014 World Cup at one of the Enquiry’s sessions; why Nigerians were able to lift bigger weights which Ghanaians were unable to lift at the just concluded Glasgow Commonwealth Games. His answer to that question was “Nigerians use Energy enhansing Drugs and we Ghanaians don’t, we Ghanaians rely on our natural strenght” This posture of his drew laughter and applause from the audience at the Commission’s sessions. This cynical attitude and self conceitedness, deliberately refusing to admit failure of his Federation and also twisting facts about Nigeria is what I try to draw attention to. He did not even have the decency to mention Nigeria won 39 medals in all, that include 14 Gold medals with some in Weight Lifting which he sought to discredit, and were not disqualified for reasons of Drug Enhansing. This explains the negativity with which Ghanaians always portrays Nigerians in all things that involves Ngerians.

        Another attitude of double standards of Ghanaians I’ve always tried to draw attention to, especially when Nigeria is concerned is Nigeria’s Golden Eaglets team at an African U-17 football tournament in 2013 that defeated Ghana’s Starlets by 6-0, the response from the Ghanaian officials when they got back home was that the Nigerians were overaged. I believe that assertions would possibly have featured in their tournament’s reports back to the GFA. Nigeria vehimently and strongly put across that their boys as equally as the Ghanaian boys all went through the MRI age verifications. The Ghanaian officials insisted Nigeria couldn’t have beaten Ghana by that margin if the MRI machine had correctly captured the database and without error.
        Consequently, in 2014 qualifiers Ghana travelled to Cameroon where they defeated the Camerooneans, Cameroon protested the Ghanaian boys were overaged. Ghana denied fielding overaged boys and refered to the MRI as the standard test the Ghanaian went through and therefore could not have cheated with age. Ironically the same MRI machine Nigeria made reference to which Ghana rejected as not full-proof enough to determine an age limit. Question is, Do Ghanaians sometimes think others are less intelligent than they are,? or when standards are put on international competitive scale, the Ghanaian believes he stands above everyone else.? The self deceptive and self conceited deficiency is what Ghanaians should address of themselves.

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        • Thanks for that Sadiq.
          You see, me personally I would not bother to explain the attitude of such people because it would just waste more time. People are always going to scoff or try to belittle others especially in situations of comparison. Best thing to do is ignore them and continue to improve. As a good leader I would look at ways to improve rather than ways the other party failed. With regards your question about Ghanaians thinking others are less intelligent I doubt it. Obviously there will be a few shallow-minded ones just like you find in any other country but it will be very sad to come to that general conclusion because it would rob you of so many good opportunities you could create with Ghanaians and other nationalities as a whole. I pray that those who suffer from such self-deficiency and selfi-conceit you describe will be able to overcome it.

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          • Omo Ghana, I’ve nothing more to say about the exchanges that had gone on so far. I’ve read all your comments here and I think your kind of human being is quite few today, not only as a Ghanaian but a human being who will not exchange insult for insult no matter where it’s coming from, you even ignored some of my insults of Ghanaians and adviced I pay more attentions on the positives than the negatives because awkward people abounds virtually in all society. I’ve always believed all Ghanaians are insultive people until I start to read your comments which even when provoked, you still found reconciliatory words to restrain you from direct insultive responses to others that choose the path of insanity.

            I am honestly completely disarmed by your kind of level headedness and humility and I just wished I met you someday. I live in the USA, city of Newark. New Jersey, my kid sister just finished a progamme in International Relations at Michigan State University and currently on secondments at Nigerian Embassy in the Netherland. She’s lived all her life in the USA and has typical African traditional tutelage and mentality to life which I think you could handle as your spouse judging by my convictions of you. Your name however does not suggest your religious faith and also your age is not known, my sister is in her late 20s. Omo Ghana, pls. get back to me on: “[email protected]” so we could discuss some more. I admire your humility

  6. I think the reason why most Ghanaians don’t trust Nigeria and things from there is how Nigeria is portrayed in movies so there is that general fear of things naija. Whiles this article may calm some fears is still remains to be seen whether pal may be more accommodating about things naija

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    • That is one aspect I have heard so many people even non-Ghanaians reiterate. As I said in my article, even some Nigerians love to tell negative tales about their country. As an individual, though, it is always best to keep an open mind about things.

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  7. Maame your comments is a per-emptive one.we Nigerian are very very hard working even wen it seems things are not working but we always have that beleive that tomorow will be better.Every Nigerian is a hustler in watever good things we find ourself doing.We have that spirit of never-say-die.

    Maame please point one society where you dont find bad people even in Obama’s white house they re there but i strongly believe you and many must have formed this MISREPRESENTATION of our country from many of the movies you must watched(they are all make believe by producers).
    So when next you meet a Naija guy loosen up and take a deep breath we are all hospitality.
    Omo Ghana you need to visit Abuja,Port Harcourt,Calabar,Akwa Ibom and you wiil discover that Lagos is just a child’s play in terms of hospitality

    OMO GHANA abeg carry go…..looking forward to your next article

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    • Looking forward to visiting those places and many more Paul and I appreciate your contribution. Part two has been published and Part three soon to be. Cheers

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  8. Hi ma’m..Lovely piece and I’m loving it some more..I happen to have a lot of Ghanaian experience as I studied at KNUST Kumasi and lived in Ghana for 4yrs.Ghanaian ladies are down to earth and ur hubby is a lucky man to have an open minded and lovely Ghanaian lady as u.I stumbled across your piece on Facebook and I must confess I am a fan and there is a request I would like to make of u..I would love to date and hopefully marry a Ghanaian and I would be very glad if u could help link me up via ur social networks with some good hearted Ghanaian ladies like you.I’m 29 and single..I just haven’t been able to return to Ghana due to work demands otherwise would have probably been with one..Im sorry to be a bother but would really appreciate your help with this.I could send you my email address for further correspondence. Thanks again for the article..Hope to see ur response..And Welcome to Naija once again!

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for your vote of confidence Oladayo. Regarding your request, I suggest you keep an open mind regarding nationalities and look out more for values, complementary strengths and life paths. However, you can still drop your e-mail address so we can chat some more.Cheers

      Reply

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