MUST READ: What I Have Learnt to Tell My Daughter from KKD’s Case

7 min


teen-girl
Teenage Black Girl

 

Reading the various articles on the KKD alleged rape case, I steered myself away from the usual ‘is he guilty or not’ argument and focused on the numerous lessons the case presented for ladies out there. Thinking of the daughter I would have one day, I begun to jot down these lessons to serve as guiding principles for her.

My dear, I want you to know your mummy, daddy and siblings love you very much and are proud of the woman you are growing to become. We will support you no matter what and will stand by your side through the many struggles. I want you to know that you are a woman of substance who knows what she stands for and will never allow anybody to change that. As much as you seem to be mature, there are still things I would love to share with you.

Everybody has been brought up differently thus are bound to differ in personality and principles. I don’t want you to go out there thinking everyone is just like you. Not all that glitters is golden.

black girl
Teenage Black Girl

 

I want you to know that people respond to what you present them with. Some do not care about who you truly are, they are only moved by what they see. So if you go out there dressed half-naked, and act and dance like a s*x goddess, then you will get a swarm of hungry men around you who would do anything to get you in the sack and they most likely think you want the same. And when I say anything I mean anything—even if it means buying you a phone, car or even a house. Some of them will pretend to love and care about you and before you know it, my dear, your panties are off.

Whenever you are out, stick with your friends at all times. Treat every stranger, yes that includes that hot guy and any celebrity or role model, as a potential danger. No matter how ‘cool’ the person seems, I want you to know that they are human just like you and I. They eat, sleep, fart, shit, cry and laugh just like we do. And they can hurt you too.

Always guard your drink and if left unattended just let it go. You can buy another one. And mind you, buy your own drinks and don’t act like you are too poor to do so. If you are broke, forfeiting drinks and food won’t kill you.

As much as everyone seems to be drinking alcohol and it allows you to loosen up and have fun, I want you to know it also lowers your guard and sets you up for negative situations you would later regret. Get high on your happiness and keep your mind sound. Whilst you are at it, stay away from cigarettes and weed and shisha. 

Invite home any guy who expresses interest in you. Let him know you belong to a family that cares about you and can support you. If he can’t be responsible to you and your family, trust me he can’t be responsible to any situation, period.

Ask questions! We didn’t send you to school for just academic purposes but to empower you to stand up for yourself and others. Do not allow people to control you via peer pressure or abuse of authority. Ask questions and analyse things said. You will find out you are smarter than you think.

My daughter, do not get over excited over the normal things in life a guy showers on you such as phone credit, special outings, shopping trips, phones, cars, paid for vacations etc. They are not a big deal. That new iPhone will be an old one in less than a year and those clothes will be played out sooner than you think. Concentrate on the heart of a man and do not be deceived by material things.

Don’t be too tickled when an older man starts giving you attention. You are not that special to him. Most of them are just interested in sleeping with you; they desire innocent and naive girls like you who are fresh and ripe and can easily be manipulated. As I said, if the pressure is too much for you to handle, invite them home. Your family has your back.

Black Girl Flirting
Black Girl Flirting

Do not lead guys on my dear. If you know you can’t stand the heat do not fan the fire. What might seem as a game to you is real to someone’s son. Guys are physical beings who read into every signal a girl throws their way as a nod of approval. If you allow a guy to kiss and fondle you, there is a high chance he would assume you want sex. Even if you say no, he will still think you want it because most girls do not know what they want or they are not able to stand their ground. In the heat of the moment, he might take what he feels is rightfully his. Be wise, my daughter.

S*x is very ‘sweet’ but more so when you are married. I know your hormones are raging and s*x seems to be the in thing of late. Not to talk of wanting to fit in and not wanting to loose your boyfriend but trust me you also don’t want to go through emotional insecurities that come with the act. As a young lady, I know your dream is to have that king in your life that sees you as his queen and trust me any guy who fits that description will be prepared to wait till marriage.

I know it is hard to keep your vi*ginity, so if you do find yourself in a se*ual situation, my darling, insist on using a condom. You wouldn’t want to add STDs or unwanted pregnancies to your list of worries. And if you are going to have s*x, you better enjoy it. Don’t let it be about making the guy happy or preventing a breakup.

Do not put yourself in compromising situations. Spending time alone with a guy in his room or car is just one of them. Make sure you are always in your own territory. Let them come to your house to spend time with you. If you are out, make sure you don’t distance yourself from a crowd you are familiar with. Do not think you know him too well. Even he might not know himself that well especially when his ‘beast’ comes alive.

I want you to understand that rape is not a far-fetched concept. It is closer to home than you think. It could happen to you tomorrow. If you find yourself in a rape scenario, my dear, do not be paralysed by fear but scream your lungs out, fight for your life and make the rapist’s life hell. You need to understand that some men will not use physical force but will try to manipulate you with words or their authority. My dear, do not fall for that. Be firm about your stand and get out of there ASAP. If that is not possible, you had better leave physical signs to show that you did not consent to s*x.

I pray to God you are never se*ually molested, but if it does occur, I want you to know that you can always tell us so the right measures can be taken. Do not feel dirty or guilty. You are a diamond and will never stop being one. As a family, we will forever love you and stand by you. Remember that.

Think with your head, not your heart darling. And you know that voice that seems to signal looming trouble? Respond to it, it could save your life.

My dear readers, feel free to add yours.