Get Your Sh*t Together Woman | It’s Your Man Who is Chasing Me Like A DOG

6 min


Akosua Abebrese's Column
Akosua Abebrese’s Column

I was not really going to write about this since I wanted to break my silence with something touching, not another rant—but considering the fact that a lot of women may be doing this and a lot more may be at the receiving end, I said ‘screw touching post, ain’t nobody got time for that’, let’s go for what is real (in Sweet Brown’s voice).

Surely, it’s obvious from my silence that I have been getting some— your sister has been a little behind in that area so when that chocolate man came talking, I knew I was going to get laid and I didn’t even care how quick it was going to be.

Don’t be fooled by my wants; I still need to be treated right as a woman else s*x is not happening. I would rather make a good use of my fingers or the shower head, they can all do the magic and even though they won’t be able to hug me—I wouldn’t accept any disrespect or contempt for a man-hug.

We did two dinners and one lunch—and he topped it up with a cinema. I pulled him to the cinema to watch ‘50 Shades of Grey’ and to be frank, he enjoyed it more than I did. As someone who has read the book, I was disappointed but that is a conversation for another day.

That night in the cinema, I decided to make it happen. Yeah, I control the clock as to when to allow the man down there—influenced by how behaved he has been and how lovely he has treated me. I have had enough experience to know that, the treatment deteriorate after they have knocked that booty. Woe unto you if he was not good and then on top of it he begins to treat you like a trash.

So it happened that night at my apartment. Once again, I like to control where it happens. I do not want any lunatic killing me in his room for ‘sakawa’ rituals. And as always, I texted my good friend-Jessica to tell her that “Girl, I am getting laid tonight, so check me out in the morning if I am still conscious…HBFTSOOM”

If you are looking to get details of how it went down, I am sorry you are not going to get that from me today. It’s not that I do not kiss and tell—it’s not the subject of this article, rather the aftermath of the knock-knock.

I hate it when men ask for water or sleep instantly after having had their share of your body sweat—especially when you did not really get to heaven; worst if his fuel finished while you were in the cloud. I am not saying all this happened with Mr. T, but he certainly asked for water when he should have been the one asking if I needed something to drink and where my fridge was…

I do not allow sleepovers after a man just left me hanging, because business must be completed somehow and as such, I pulled the it’s really getting late card. Mr T. was actually smart so he knew what it meant and he proudly left with a smile. Yeah right, you are smiling because you’ve had the best night, what about me—Mr selfish?

I got up the next morning to see several whatsapp messages from Mr. T—I had decided to keep him around for an away match, just in case he was like Arsenal; always losing at home when it really mattered. So I replied and throughout the day we messaged a lot.

The entire week was Mr. T. on my black butt, he wanted to meet for breakfast, lunch and dinner—my pot must be really ‘sweet’ and the clean shave must have done the magic. He certainly wanted more but I was not ready yet. He also called several times and mostly, I would pick the call …

The conversations continued for about two weeks and when I was warming up to another encounter with Mr. T, I got a strange call from a woman who claimed to be Mr. T’s girlfriend.

This woman went in on me with threats and insults; saying, she had seen whatsapp chats on her man’s phone and I should f**king stay away. Yeah, she used that word and even more. I asked her this; have you really read those messages? I doubt it, because if you have, then you would have known who to direct your anger to…

Your man chatted me, picked me up for several outings and even drove to my apartment to eat from my glue-like pot—and now, he even wants more. I understand why you are upset about this, I would be upset too if I were in your shoes but the difference will be this; instead of calling the woman to insult her, I would have gone after my man. I did not even know you existed and to be frank, I wouldn’t probably care if you did—because I wanted to get laid. I told her all this and I swear I did.

That must have gingered her because she dropped the phone—and started texting; calling me all manner of names. Though I could have texted back, I didn’t have time to exchange text insults—if you are a woman as you claim, learn to keep your man tamed. If you cannot, go after his balls when you find out he has been l**king another woman’s sweet pot.

It’s time some women get their sh*t together when such things happen. Even if another woman comes after you man—your beef should be with your man, except if that other woman is your mother. Increasingly, you will see the other woman going after the new woman when mostly the new did not even know the old existed.

This is not just unfair, it’s also stupid—once again, it shows that men can do whatever they want and get away with it. Mr T’s so called girlfriend’s conduct really got me upset so you know what; I went in for the away match with Mr. T. I would have kept it going just to teach her a lesson but to be frank, Mr. T was not worth it—he lost the match again.

I am far done with losers so I had to cut him loose. The good news is, until some dog with an owner comes chasing after my skirt, I will be here—writing more and more for you guys.

Say it loud; welcome back Akosua Abebrese—and if you missed my previous articles, CLICK HERE for them.