Love & Relationship

LOVE & RELATIONSHIP: When a Promise Becomes a Covenant…

Black woman
Black woman

People ‘in love’ normally make promises at a point in time and it’s more on emotions rather than on a clear thought process – consciously or unconsciously. You don’t need to make any verbal declaration per se but questions asked and answers given is enough to be ‘a binding word’ from one party.

People make promises to motivate (to do more/spend more), to win love and to buy trust but it always ends up with one becoming disappointed. You can’t buy trust with your mouth; trust is built just as respect is earned. Alternatively, you can’t win love by promises.

We promise people we’ll change, to be more responsible, to be a better person etc. but we know very well it’s not going to happen – we say it to keep a job, relationship and to save face but what we’re actually doing is quickly killing the little trust and faith the people have in us. Don’t promise if you don’t intend to keep it because it turns relationships sour.

There are some promises which you and I know is ‘for conning and scamming’ purposes and those type of promises are made by politicians – something you’ll not take to the bank anyway and others you tell to the junior secondary school kids to keep them happy; I’ll die for you and take you to the moon kind of promises (very dense to believe such promises).

Some people are masters at crafting promises to wiggle themselves out of a tight corner, buy time, or obtain favours, but without any intention of making good. Gone are the days when some men use marriage as a bait to get women – when she doesn’t want to budge but unfortunately, some people are buying into these lies and others are making spontaneous promises when the ‘where are we going’ question pops up. Some people don’t hold/keep promises to heart, if it’s fulfilled – fine; if not, life goes on but others don’t take it lightly.

Many, if not most  men regularly say ‘yes’ to many things (most often regarding marriages) but this often turns to a ‘no’ as plans change, mind changes, priorities change as well as other undue pressures. Some don’t ‘fulfil’ their promises because they claim ‘she exhibited some attitude’ – but then are you not supposed to ‘see’ all you desire before making the promises?

There are some unavoidable circumstances under which some promises cannot be kept so the best way is to honestly explain your reasons why you have to fail the person. Some people just use the ‘unavoidable circumstances’ phrase to slither their way out of a ‘hell hole’ they’ve created for themselves. Don’t make it a habit to

Don’t make promises you can’t keep or you don’t intend keeping. Promising some people is like giving away your peace of mind; it’s like a blood oath to them and you’re ‘doomed’ if you don’t fulfil your part of the bargain. To be on a safer side, it’s very advisable to always know a person you’re dealing with before opening your mouth.  Employ the brain first and foremost before sending the mouth on a journey which can sink or keep a ship afloat. Cultivate the habit of thinking through things before making promises.

When you meet a woman in her thirties, the worst thing you can do to her is to promise her marriage when you doubly know you’re not sure of what you’re saying. We’re allowed to change our minds but definitely that is not allowed in their dictionary. You make it, you better keep it!


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